This is a “Kimmy Gibler,” not a “Kim Kardashian”

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What happens when an increasingly irrelevant rapper creates a musical monstrosity as an ode to a reality star that’s showing signs that she’s finally beginning to fade?

Well, first there’s me making this face again:

And there’s me trying to make sense of it all. It took me a few minutes to remember, but this is actually not the first rap song dedicated to Kimberly Kardashian. Those honors go to Lil’ Flip:

Yeah, the dude made a dance song called “Kim Kardashian.” A dance song without an actual dance, mind you. I didn’t remember this trash off the top of my head because I rightly blocked it out. This nonsense was such an embarrassment to the city of Houston. “This Is The Way We Ball” and a few of his pre-national songs were cool, but after “Kim Kardashian” it was easier than ever to not give even a lil’ bit of fuck about Flip. Noticed we haven’t heard from him since this.

Maybe lightning will strike twice for Soulja Boy now that he’s committing a similar grievance.

I used to think people were way too cruel when it came to Soulja Boy and his, uh, music. Ice-T is a good example, given he behaved like an incarcerated version of Mr. Wilson to SB’s Dennis The Menace. Now it’s me wanting this dude to get the hell off hip hop’s lawn.

Kimberly seems to enjoy the song, though, tweeting: “Wow! Oh souljaboy… I love it 😉 ! #Swag”

Girl, you don’t like this bullshit. What you like is that even if only for a millisecond, Soulja Boy has given you a headline that doesn’t involve your 30-second marriage, reality show ratings dipping, or talk about you and Kanye West. I get it, but you really shouldn’t be encouraging this fool. It’s akin to allowing the lil’ slow boy in daycare to continue eating grass because you feel sorry for his life. That’s not helping him in the long run, Kimberly.

She’s probably secretly offended. She knows this track isn’t of a solid enough quality deserving of her name. This is a “Kimmy Gibler,” not a “Kim Kardashian.”

God bless him or whatever, but if Soulja Boy is going to try and get his rap career out of its coma, shouldn’t be bother to learn how to rap? It’s been a few years now, the least he could do is work to stay on beat. Even if Silkk The Shocker failed every single time to catch it, at least he made some sort of effort.

Then again, perhaps I’m jumping too far ahead ’cause I’m not even sure if this nonsense constitutes as an actual song. All he’s doing is repeating “KIM KARDASHIAN!” while mumbling a bunch of random rap cliches. I’m assuming this is what the high you get when you sniff Wite-Out, eat glue, eat funny looking berries off your neighbors’ tree, smoke angel dust, and insert ecstasy up your rectum sounds like.

No thank you. And for the record, I hope this settles the debate over whether or not Soulja Boy is this decade’s (or is it last decade since very few care anymore?) MC Hammer. When MC Hammer fell off, he recorded “Pumps and a Bump.” This crap isn’t seeing The Funky Headhunter. Not now, not ever.

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