Remember Bill?

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Call it a hunch, but I’m guessing of the seven people who remember this song, at least five of them are into turkey wings and Wild Turkey and remember watching Thelma’s nagging ass on first run episodes of Amen. That’s no knock, mind you. I love some turkey and brown liquor, plus the Amen theme song is my shit joy onto the Lord, our God. Still, I was introduced to this song via my older relatives during some holiday.

I’m lost on specifics, but I do recall my aunties joking with my uncles and my dad about the track and each of the men doing the verbal equivalent of spraying Off! on them. Needless to say, should I get hitched the invitations on my side of the family will be mighty slim. Okay, enough about my issues.

Poor, Peggy. Granted, this song did kinda well considering the genre, subject matter, and her Betty Wright-lite sound and look, but this was certainly ahead of its time. This track dropped in 1996, the year President Bill Clinton’s ass signed the Defense of Marriage Act into law. The world wasn’t ready to hear about her story about walking outside and not being able to believe her eyes as she watched her man all up in Bill’s arms….breathing hard and French kissing.

Can you imagine if Mary J. Blige dropped this shit three years ago? Hell, three days ago. You would at least be a YouTube and World Star Hip Hop icon, Peggy.

Wait a minute. Something just hit me while writing this entry. Why didn’t Oprah book you for her show, Peggy? Y’know, ’round that time that man was exploiting the “down low brother” for Range Rover payments (yeah, I know he has a name…anyway)? He could’ve sauntered in the background while you scared those women even more than his neck rolls did.

Somebody should come up with a remake, only it needs a spin. These days I feel like it’s you women trying to snatch away gay men from good practicing homosexuals like myself. Well, not really much practice, but you have to liquor me up to hear more about that. Anyway, yeah, y’all know a few of these closet cases don’t really want you, but you entertain the lie. Quit. Just fertilize your eggs and give them back to the faction and form of f-action (two points for the Screw reference) they’re destined for.

So that’s that: I’ll create a remake. I’ll record on the lyrics now. What should I call it? “Madea?” “Jada?” “The Bishop’s Bride?” Help me out, folks.

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