Let’s Start With A Scene Instead of A Song

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I am not exactly a B2K fan so the thought of a B2K reunion doesn’t especially excite me. They don’t have New Edition’s talent, or frankly, New Edition’s anything. B2K certainly doesn’t have the catalog of groups like Jodeci or Boyz II Men either. What they do have is what always kept me open to the idea of at least entertaining them: aesthetic value. Namely Omarion’s assets, J. Boog’s…I don’t know, I saw some flicks of him on Tumblr and there’s definitely a talent there (see: Omarion), and Lil’ Fizz’s everything.

I had the biggest crush on Lil’ Fizz. He talked at the speed of someone moving in a wheelchair with one arm, but dammit if he wasn’t the cutest thing to me in their prime. Judging from this shot, unless that’s some Instagram magic my BlackBerry owning ass (shut the hell up, I’m gonna replace it soon) can’t pick up on, he’s still pretty damn cute. It’s just something about that perpetually blank expression on his face that does something to me. It’s like a sexy warning about the problem with rampant marijuana usage. I even love the fact that he never took off his shirt like his fellow pimped out bandmates. Not even because that left an element of mystery. I think we know what the mystery was: He still act Jack in the Box as opposed to steamed veggies and grilled chicken breast everyday. I can appreciate that. In my mind, if push came to shove (or the bellies rubbed too much) we could always run some miles together.

It’s good to see them together again minus that poor little touched boy after those years of presumed bad blood. But yeah, I don’t see it for them with respect to a musical reincarnation. Not that they have announced one. The picture merely spawned speculation. Don’t encourage that, though, y’all.

There’s really no place for them. Well, unless they learned to sing or something. Nasally singing and noisy raps are for texturizer using teenaged Black boys. And judging from my nieces, Mindless Behavior is all the rage and Bow Wow is currently raging because he refuses to accept that the world no longer wants to hear him spit Da Brat’s hot fire.

I do have one idea for these young men. How about the next time they’re together – particularly in a studio – they just turn the camera on and see what happens. For fun, let’s add lots and lots of Ciroc to the set. Peach Ciroc in particular as that’s the one you can drink straight and not taste a single ounce of alcohol. Meanwhile, we’ll have what I’m listening to as I write this – Jodeci’s Diary of a Mad Band – playing in the background.

You know, to set a relaxing mood and such. We should also totally lock the door and have a a sign, “NO GIRLS ALLOWED.” On some He-Man Woman Hater’s shit for that ass. Speaking of ass, I think by now you’ve pretty much figured out what my idea is. I actually am not even a great fan of the adult form of entertainment, but as Tumblr (by way of Fresh) has brought to my attention, it certainly has a redeeming quality if you let go and let gif.

Oh, can you just imagine the kind of gifs this production would generate? Think of the possibilities, boys. Also, cut the check because if I didn’t know any better, I think I just wrote the treatment for my first porno.

Don’t worry about thanking me, just get to work.

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