God’s Work

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Is it a sin to say a gospel singer is sort of mean as shit on her reality show? If so, forgive me, Jesus, but one of your homegirls is a holy hothead, boots. I didn’t plan on becoming a viewer of WeTV’s Braxton Family Values fill in, Mary Mary, yet I have to acknowledge the show is more entertaining than I anticipated to be. Then again, it’s not difficult to best one’s expectations when none were present. Whatever, it’s cool all the same.

I will say one thing: The show’s theme song is stupendously lackluster.  I can’t believe the women behind so many hits for the club to the church (in some of the same clothes) set didn’t bring their typical knock to their show’s musical theme. Would what Jesus do? Bring the heat, no damnation. Say that with me, saints.

But fine, where they lack in music they make up for in personality — especially that one Mary. Not the one that’s pregnant with the short do (that she could model on a Dark and Lovely box, if the Lord shall one day desire). She’s cool, sweet even. I’m talking about that other Mary with the long, curly weave that kinda reminds me of the joint Cole from Martin’s mama used to rock (just a better grade of Indian girl). That one!

Goodness, I thought maybe it was just one episode, but whenever I catch this show I notice that long-haired Mary is a feisty one. She looks like she can curse you the fuck out in the name of the Lord…and then say she’ll pray for you. Or not, but you know what I mean, right? Say yes, please. Don’t try and play me out.

I’m noticing a pattern with her: Even if well-intentioned, she wants to be as active a mama as possible (admirable) but is unrealistic about the career she chose makes that nearly impossible on occasion (not as admirable). And when this constant conundrum is brought to her attention, she snaps a bit (all around wrong). Whew. I wonder how many prayer cloths do you have to go through to put up with that on the regular. Where’s Auntie Phaedra when you need counseling?

Don’t get me wrong now. Meaner Mary is not exactly the devil or anything. She does need to pop that snap and crackle she’s regularly giving, though. Let’s pray for her.

I will say that if nothing else, at least her behavior on the show pulls back a bit on the images of gospel singers heathens like me might unfairly cling to. I do recall gospel’s David Guetta, Kirk Franklin, admitting that he had a porn addiction to Goddess Oprah years ago, so clearly I knew that gospel singers weren’t all exactly pristine all the time.  Guess it could always be worse, huh, Tina?

Still, show a bit more love for the gig on camera, Long Haired Mary, ’cause judging from this show it’s been kind to you. I suppose I never really put much thought into it, but gospel music has probably does pay well for the right acts. They have some nice homes, look like they always eat the biggest of chickens (and if they do dark meat, it’s obviously by preference and not necessity), and keep a staple of top tier hair pieces in their closets. God is good and freaking great if you can sell some singles praising God’s name. To that end, act accordingly.

Meanwhile, heaven, I need a hug…and maybe a vocal coach and producer if you’ve got some to spare.

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