Awkward Models

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Ever been at a friend’s house and be in the midst of that person’s weirdness with their mother? That must have been the log line for the person who pitched Beverly’s Full House. Before this reality show I only knew Beverly Johnson as the pretty woman I kept confusing with Iman as a child. Now I know her as the supermodel whose child can’t stand her.

Have any of you seen this show? Of course not, it’s on OWN. No worries, Mother O, I’m still rooting for you.

The show features Beverly, the supermodel who left her child, and her big girl wonder daughter (my new name for plus-sized models), Anansa, who has a new baby and a bevy of lingering issues – largely tied around abandonment. Each episode features the two walking on eggshells and being completely odd with each other. Well, between the subtle shade being thrown.

Bless Bev’s heart, but she is completely aloof to what’s going on around her. Ma’am, you can’t say things to your daughter – who already doesn’t fuck with you hard – like, “You were ugly like your baby is now at this age, but don’t fret, the cuteness comes in time.”  To Bev’s credit, she cries all the time about it and tries her best to make amends – say, having parties in honor of turning 90 days alive. Yeah, I don’t get that either.

I suppose I understand Anansa’s bitterness, but whew, I wish she’d let some of it go if only to move this show forward a bit. I recommend the two taking time to smize or perhaps they could sit over wine and shade Chanel Iman or somebody.  That sounds like some shit models could do to bond, right?

Whatever they choose to do, it ought to be something more exciting than the activities they’ve highlighted thus far. In theory, the idea of a supermodel whose success spurred a dysfunction relationship with her daughter seeking to rectify the situation by moving her and her family into her home is an awesome concept. It’s basically “What if Joan and Melissa Rivers hated each other?”

Unfortunately, like many great ideas on OWN it’s not executed properly. The pacing of Beverly’s Full House is off. This show is at its best when it’s just Iman and Iman The Sequel bickering their way to bonding.

I don’t care about Beverly’s houseboy and his smoking addiction. Likewise, not at all interested in anything pertaining to Anansa’s boring ass husband. All he does is sit around and play video games. That or ask asinine questions like, “You having champagne at a kid’s birthday party?”

Hell yeah, fool.

In fact, how about you take a couple glasses to the head in order to take the entertainment value to a higher plateau. Problem is he’s a regular Midwestern dude and regular people are boring as hell on television without the correct set up and brand of liquor. Apparently, the same goes for wealthy people when they’re not sober or bitchy.

God bless Beverly all the same because if nothing else, she is giving face on her show. She gives America’s Next Top Model the ultimate bitch slap to the ground with her mug in every single confessional. Get into that, if nothing else. Vanity only goes so far, though. Case in point.

I sincerely hope Beverly and Beverly Jr. forge a stronger relationship. The two seem as if they could if only they learned to communicate. I would love to be able to see that take place on TV, only in a much more entertaining way. As of now, it’s not must see TV. Right now it’s merely “Oh, this is on? I guess I can watch this while my lemon pepper wings and roasted red potatoes bake.”

And as much as I love the bird, I only seek it when I’m in the mood for it.

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