Face Like Heathcliff, Body Like The Penguin

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Ma’am. Why do you insist on hurting me so? Why, dammit? Why?

I know that I should respect Lil’ Kim’s right to resemble Chip ‘n Dale’s arch-rival, but only two days ago did I see the Black woman formally known as Kimberly Jones look like a woman of African descent. Yes, she gave Jackson nose realness all the same, but you know, close enough.

Now she’s already regressing. Kim looks like she’s ready to give me a naughty pedicure in this picture. Where are her friends? Show yourselves so that Black people enthusiasts can shame you.

In the immortal words of Janet Jackson in that awesome ass movie: FIX IT! FIX IT! FIX IT! I wish she had stopped at the operations that gave Diana Ross reason to feel her up. Where did your self-love go, Kim?

Also, you owe Nicki Minaj an apology, Kimmy. How are you going to talk about her fake booty when yours looks like Gerber injected your ass shots? Step in front of her mirror, turn it around, and start thinking of ways to turn that cement into something¬†shapelier. After that, ask yourself what is it inside of you that wanted an butt that says, “Imma make Batman my bitch.”

And for the love of God, stop talking in that damn weird ass voice. Ditto for going on and on about widow. His own wife and last girlfriend have both found new talking points and your star was far brighter than theirs.

SEE ALSO:

Help Me: Lil’ Kim

Lil’ Kim’s Big Secret

 

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