Don’t Go, Kesha

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This morning I woke up to news that Drake allegedly pulled an Evelyn Lozada on Chris Brown in a downtown New York club, and that Shaunie O’Neal, Shed Media, and VH1 did something that almost warrants an Evelyn Lozada. As much as I’d love to join everyone in speculation about the bliss of Rihanna’s vagina, I’d rather not. Besides, those are two emotional men with a lot of ego. They would probably fought over Funyons with as much as intensity as a debate over who Rihanna topped better.

I am a little pissed about this casting choice, though. I don’t know what those producers are thinking, but if they honestly believe that viewers will want to watch Shaunie O’Neal, Evelyn Lozada, Tami Roman, and Suzie Ketchum act like the wicked stepsisters for fifteen or so hour-long episodes they’ve got another thing coming.

I don’t care for Shaunie O’Neal because she’s the type of person who throws mud and hides her hand. Madam, respect to your hustle, but not to your costume. No point in putting it back on now.

I don’t like Tami Roman because she’s a bullying ass bully who let her upgrade from gas station weave to virgin Indian scalp go way too far to her head. A NeNe without the Ryan Murphy connect, if you will. But you know, that hair is cute, y’all.

I used to find her funny, but what a mean, mean person she is. Her unapologetic tone on those reunion episodes was the worst. “Yeah, I was wrong, but Jen is a bully, and Kesha, you allowed yourself to be bullied.” Blah, blah, fucking blah.

P.S. Looking back, you did David wrong.

Suzie Ketchum is messy and can fall into the abyss already. Figuratively. Still, Suzie,  you’re not that funny drunk and you running behind Evelyn and Shaunie like Lassie is a bore to watch. I’d rather watch Suzie from Rugrats check your friends than watch you cower to them.

Evelyn: We’ve already discussed this. For those who missed out: Here, my dear.

As for the rumored departed, I did like Lisa Turtle Jr. although I get why her inability to talk about Dwight Howard is an issue. Plus, the Match.com storyline is a little dry. However, I do think they could’ve kept her and told those other women to get over it and film with her.

As for Jen, I was starting to be entertained with her after her successful backbone transplant.

And, aww man, I definitely loved Kesha Nichols. She is so sweet and southern. For all this talk about promoting “positivity,” she was the nicest of the bunch. Plus, as you can see in this interview, she can definitely defend herself. It’s just hard when a hackling character from Friday is howling at you as if you’re a full moon.

How could they just get rid of all of the people who weren’t assholes? Dammit, y’all. Consider this post an addendum to that letter.

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