I Need Answers

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1. So does the failure of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter mean Malcolm X: Goblin Grabber is on hold?

2. Isn’t it great that Keyshia Cole is back to “fuck that nigga” R&B?

3. What ever happened to Vivian Green?

4. 1000+ temp records were broken last week and I’m to still believe that global warming remains a figment of liberal imagination?

5. Has Kelly Rowland finally realized that her ticket to success is freaky R&B and Destiny Fulfilled-era love songs?

6. Who convinced Tamar Braxton that it was good idea to look like the lead guitar player of The Muppet Show’s house band, Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem?

7. Will you pray for you’re the child stars of today so YouTube won’t be their tomorrow?

8. Can anyone else out there say they have performed “Watch ‘n Learn” with more enthusiasm on the elliptical than Rihanna did on that stage?

9. Can you go get at rehab again, dog?

10. Under Chris Brown’s own logic, if Drake is a pussy for throwing bottles, what is he for dissing Aubrey about his eyebrows…and you know, that ofter stuff?

11. This video was touted as “A Love Story for the New Age.” What exactly is new about it?*

* Money and interracial couples are not appropriate answers given neither are especially new for 2012.

12. If you really think about it, thus far we’ve had a pretty good year in music, no?

13. Now that Katie Holmes has completed the terms of her contract, what will she do next?

14. Does this gorgeous creation of God realize that he now works for BET, the network that gives us situational comedies featuring 40-year-old women fighting in the club and irresponsible inferences such as abortion causes infertility?

15. Is anyone else hoping that Lauryn Hill doesn’t end up jail if for no other reason than her pretentiousness would make her the worst “political prisoner” ever?

16. Isn’t Azealia Banks basically, “What if Foxy Brown took her meds?”

17. “Ooh, I’m so different” behaving or not, hasn’t Miguel realized many of the best R&B cuts of 2012 thus far?

18. So is Elle Varner like commercial Cree Summer?

19. Didn’t HBO’s Girls turn out pretty damn good?

20. How close is T.I. sharing a coconut tree with 50 Cent and Nelly on the Island of Kinda Irrelevant Now Rappers?

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