So BET Did Well…

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One of the most interesting things to me about the BET Awards is how each and every year a batch of surly for sport Negroes whine about how awful the network is and how they’re seemingly doing us all a favor by watching something beneath them in the interest of keeping up with the sheep on social media. It’s hilariously ironic to me how folks act as if the BET Awards are the government cheese block to their Kobe beef.

Well, as recent reports have confirmed “kobe beef” isn’t all that real ’round these American parts and the same can be said about most of the complaints leveled against the show. As much as people talk about paltry budgets, anyone who used to be an VMA enthusiast can see how far that show has fallen from priority at MTV headquarters. When it comes to ignoring trends, obvious hits, and other various entertainment realities, the Grammys are the king, queen, prince, princess, duke and duchess of that shit for sure. I don’t think anyone in America has given that great a damn about the American Music Awards since, since…uh, I don’t know, when Apu and Aladdin were the hottest toons around. And seriously, as cute as The Soul Train and Source Awards were on occasion, they were not the most gushed about awards ceremony in their heyday either.

Have the BET Awards been good every year? No. Is it still the best awards show around? Certainly. What bothers me most about the criticism is how often self-loathing it sounds. I mean, some of you very people complaining about the BET Awards are about as complimentary to the race as a watermelon seed your damn selves. Seriously, I could leap around a Mormon church with a drumstick in hand screaming “NIGGA, NIGGA, NIGGA, NIGGA, NIGGA” and still display a greater sense of pride about my race than many of the people picking at their own just because it’s the thing to do. Many sound like they’re suffering from an inherent inferiority complex. Knock it off already. You sound fucking pathetic.

With that said, now that I’ve addressed select Negroes’ inner Uncle Ruckus, let’s move on with the actual show.

Actually, let’s start with this pre-show premiere from Willow Smith. God bless this little girl or whatever, but you should be of a certain age before you start giving the world teases of Lisa Loeb. She is cute, she is blossoming, but I’m not here for this. This belonged on Sesame Street with cameos from Big Bird and Snuffy after a special lesson about bullying and self-acceptance or something.

If she wants to rock a fade, wear clip on tongue rings, snap shots of herself on a stripper pole, that is between her and her parents. However, it’s her parents’ fault for having this child on full display to the world. She’s already made several remarks about yearning to be with her friends instead of recording music, alluded to falling behind in school because of her career, and saying she wish she could return her newfound fame.

Knowing that, why do I still see so much of her?

Here’s the thing about Kanye West: As talented as he is, I am not necessarily always moved by just a nice visual and sudden bursts of emotion. There are Kanyeddicts who could see him make a peanut butter and honey sandwich and act as if they just saw him hand roll sushi with his freshly pedicured feet. I am not one of them, so while the stage set was dope, there was a certain of energy lacking from the rest of the crew. That is, besides Uncle 2 Chainz. I probably would’ve enjoyed this more in person. I wasn’t so it was you know, aight. I was more entertained by the folks online acting like Kim Kardashian stole their man and their recipe for bread pudding.

I am so glad Usher didn’t show up to an event for Black folks performing those soccer mom tracks he’s been releasing lately. I don’t get people who question Usher’s vocals. He may have the charm of a starving velociraptor, but he usually sounds great on songs that require actual singing. There were a few moments where I wondered if his throat was about to leap out of his throat and run for cover, but I think he did well. Snagglepuss may have hated it, but only because Usher stole his boots.

Chanté Moore has always been everything, and it takes everything in me not to curse at random over her never becoming the star her talent warranted. But, at least she still looks snatched and can still hit those notes. And salute to BET for doing a great job of squeezing in so many great tributes to the recently departed in a single show.

I’m so glad Nicki Minaj’s shots have settled, because really, even if it’s not your preferred source of ass, you’ve got to salute a work of art when spotted — and Betty Boop butt is serving. As for the actual performance, Nicki Minaj was wonderful. I’m so glad she knows when to turn down the JEM and step up her jig. Regardless of what people say about Nicki – and I heard some stories about her divatude during rehearsal for this – she continues to grow as a performer. I think people forget in the age of YouTube how long it often takes an artist to become great on stage. She has indeed, kids, stepped her dick up.

Oh and I love Uncle 2 Chainz. He is single-handedly giving almost 40-year-old aspiring rappers hope. It’s largely false hope yet I imagine it feels good in the meantime.

Also, shout out to Beyoncé for singing along to “Beez In The Trap” and immediately standing up to applaud Nick.

In fact, shout out to her and Solange for being so damn Houston. We are such fun people. Oh, and you’d never, ever get this much enthusiasm from Bey at any other awards show.

I have seen Melanie Fiona live and so I knew what a treat she can be. This was a fantastic performance and I hope it brings her more attention. Unfortunately, I kinda still don’t care. Next.

Lights, lipping, and legs a flying: Sugar Rush stayed true to form.

As soon as I heard the song I kicked my leg up. Need I say more? Okay, fine: I need a D’Angelo album.

When I met Faith Evans she said, “Excuse my weed breath.” Between that story, her first album, and this performance I don’t know how anyone can not love this woman. I do know why people can dislike Tyrese, though. Between his little homophobic declaration (in line with previous ones) about his pending tour with fellow LSG wannabees, Ginuwine and Tank, and him messing up the words, he can fall through a damn well for all I care. Don’t take Joe, however. He did a good job. I forget he was alive after he said stupid things about the last presidential election on Tom Joyner’s morning show, but he sure can sing.

Pebbles better watch out: When Monica’s megachurch opens she’s going to snatch up a lot of Atlanta’s saints and sinners. I love Monica, but what sometime vexes me about her is that she has this amazing voice and doesn’t always push herself vocally. I don’t think she needs a gospel album to do so, but I am praying Rev. Mo continues to blow like this when she takes it back to the secular sound. People seem to forget how great a singer she is.

As for Brandy, she’s shown how emotional she can be, so I imagine this was hard for her to do and I bet Auntie Nippy is proud. I don’t think she was lipping as some on Twitter suggested, but regardless, this was the best I’ve ever seen her on stage. She’s never looked that confident and moved that fluidly while performing. If this is a preview of her future, hurry up and drop that album, Bran.

Mama Cissy: That was rough. God bless her. God bless that hair, too. She got it done for her baby’s tribute. Yes, God. Note: I realize God is somewhere going, “Negro, you pushing it now.”

I feel like Gary Houston is plotting to make fetch happen with singing, and I was looking around the whole time he sang wondering, “Where’s BeBe?” Nevertheless, he is Whitney’s brother so yeah…I’m gon’ shut up before Whitney curses me the fuck out in a future dream.

Beautiful tribute and might have possibly been the best way to end the show.

But of course, it was not the way the show ended. I’m assuming they ended with this because the crowd was about to take a nap before hitting up all of the after parties. They didn’t want them to be pregamming while sobbing.

And here are other random observations for those who missed me on Twitter:

On Samuel L. Jackson’s opening with Spike Lee: This is like your uncles imitating their kids after Christmas dinner and several sips of Crown.

Taraji P. Henson always sounds like she can’t wait to get to her order of wings with mambo sauce.

How perfect that I catch a shot of my lord and gyrator, Beyoncé, during this gospel performance. Praise she.

Miguel looks like R&B Superfly Jimmy Snucka.

What I love about Yolanda Adama is that she may have given up the clubs for God, but she has kept the hairstyles.

Tyler Perry looks like he’s about to give the Ghostbusters a ride.

On Mindless Behavior: What is the name of the boy who looks like Pocahontas?

So Mindless Behavior is Another Bad Creation with a press and curl?

TJ Holmes is seven kinds of handsome.

All and all, a good show. I’ll see some of your complaining asses next year. Same time, same gripes, right?

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