The Real Rap Wives of Birmingham

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I saw this on the Facebook page of someone actually from Alabama, although not from Birmingham. I imagine he would want me to specify as he has a few times before. No shade, Birmingham. I don’t have a pit in that Vick.

Anyway, The Real Rap Wives of Birmingham follows in the tradition of similar would be reality shows profiled on here like The Real Inmate Wives of Baltimore and Big Yo’s Lesbian Housewives. They just want to be famous for fighting and fornicating, too, y’all.

According to the YouTube description for part one of The Real Rap Wives of Birmingham, “Mogul” Nina Labelle – no relation to Patti, Patti, I presume – is trying to settle the beef between the Queen of Trill and Ms. Mercy. In other words, Susie is trying to bring Jen and Evelyn back together but we all know her messy ass won’t do anything but stir up more trouble. That’s why nobody likes her ass now.

Who are these people I’m talking about? The hell if I know, although the video description goes on to note that Queen Trill and Lord, Have Mercy On Their Names are “two woman [editor’s note: yes, woman] are brilliant and talented music artists and models.”

Of course they are.

That said, the summary text concludes with “check the show out.”

I have and I am somewhat amused. I mean, how you can you not chuckle at Nina Labelle’s mini-mansion plug? Or her assumption that we’d be surprised about events taking place between perfect strangers. And I love, love, love how she asks, “Care fuh some wine?” and proceeds to pour Arbor Mist.

Cheap wine can be quite divine, honestly.

I also like how that instead of going to a restaurant to settle a beef, Nina invites the other person over for dinner. I mean, learn something about southern hospitality, Real Housewives of Atlanta. And clearly both aren’t fronting about being hungry because I sure can hear them chewing during their conversations. Smacking their lips, too.

Was it good, folk?

Oh, oh: Did you see that Chrysler 300M? I hope so given they zoomed in like seven times. The logo might have looked blurry on the camera, but we see you, boo. We see you.

That said, this, uh, pilot, moved a wee bit too slow for me. Say, around the middle. It’s sort of like one unrehearsed version of a monologue entitled “Ain’t I A Trapstar?” But you know, I salute you ladies for living in a PC, Windows Movie Maker World trying to Mac your way to stardom. Hustle, hustle, hustle…hard.

Those who won’t be able to catch Joseline and Steebie J. on Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta later tonight due to the Viacom and DirecTV beef, here you go. You’re welcome.


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