Curiosity and Trouble

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Pretend puritans had a field day with Azealia Banks’ Dazed and Confused interview in which the rapper often described with f-words like feisty, fiery, and fierce (fine, one other, too) discussed both her verbally abusive mother, deceased dad, and earliest signs of sexuality.

On the most fun part of the interview, she revealed:

“Growing up I was so curious about boys. I just loved them. I’d always get my recesses taken away for letting boys touch my butt in the lunch line I got in trouble for fooling around in school a lot. I just wanted to be touched, ya know? I just wanted to have sex. And my mom was always working so there was never anyone around to tell me no.”

Predictably, most predicated this on the abuse she discussed first. Then came condemnation, calls for therapy, blah, blah. Must people always be this damn boring? While I can’t discount that abuse and issues related to abandonment can be attributed to a person embracing their sexuality sooner than others, it should not be a rule of thumb that they are always related.

Banks is the first Black star I’ve heard in a long while talk about sensing her sexuality at a younger age.

The only other I can think off top is Janet Jackson, who once said:

“I had a pretty sexual imagination for a kid. Another side to me is this very sexual being. When I look back on my life, it’s always been there. It’s been there since I was 10 years old, having the imagination that I had.”

Admittedly, following up the statement “Not every person in tuned with their sexuality early in life comes from a troubled background” with a quote from spectacular performer and whisperer Janet Jackson isn’t screaming credence.

Nor does Rihanna telling Rolling Stone about the source of her interest in sadomasochism:

“I did not realize until recently. I think that is common in people who witnessed abuse in their childhood.”

Still, I take offense to this immediate association. I’m a little defensive because I, too, was sexually curious as a kid. I’m not telling you all the details here (I’d like for myself and a major publisher to charge you for it in due time), but I’ll say daycare and curiosity about the boys and girls provided good fodder for nap time…since I don’t nap.

And I know the second I mention my childhood many will go, “Oh, that’s it.” But it’s not. I’m not saying this from a place of denial either. I’m not avoiding the subconscious. I have talked to people who felt the same and they don’t have childhoods mirroring anything like any of us. I do, however, feel that people who have experienced a lot earlier on in life are more frank about this kind of thing if for no other reason that they have dealt with matters far more “shocking.”

I don’t like the curious about sex at childhood equals problematic background equation because it often gives people license to oversimplify and therefore associate some type of guilt, which surmises much of the feedback I’ve read on this article. Even if you do believe they are linked in every single instance imaginable, why be so judgmental about it? The last thing Americans need is to feel even guiltier about sexuality than they already do. We’re a sex crazed collective that doesn’t understand that much about sexuality beyond an act, and even then, some of you are the dunce cap wearers of sexuality.

Considering how free Azealia is about her sexuality – including her attraction to women without hesitation to own it – she sounds far more comfortable than many.

There are grown men who think women’s bodies come with an automatic system to nuke rape sperm. I’ve had to explain to plenty of morons that me understanding my attraction to boys at an early age doesn’t mean I or any other gay was trying to wrap my lips around one before puberty. And even when there is touching or thoughts, it’s the start of something.

Even now I feel like I have to insert a, “Nah, I will never be a subplot on Law & Order: SVU. Eww, bitch” for the folks in the cheap seats in the back who might get it twisted.

Where is a doctor and/or Bill Nye to help me explain this shit?

By the way, these folks shading Banks are the reasons why T-Boz’s wonderful “Touch Myself” flopped. I find that unforgivable. And yeah,  I bought that CD single when I was younger. I was like 12. I’m nobody’s hoe either.

But I did come to learn that ain’t nothing wrong with making it feel good. Baby.

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