Kooky Kanye

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This is one of the creepiest scenes I’ve ever witnessed on reality television. Most people who reveal some sort of disturbing characteristic about themselves tend to do so when caught up in a wave of emotion or exposed and left without much of a choice. In this instance we’re seeing a completely composed individual confidently putting their weird obsession with treating the women they enter relationships with like a living doll on full display. As if that’s perfectly normal to boot.

I usually strive to allow people to let their freak flags fly in whatever direction the wind blows, so if turning your significant other into your personal plaything is your style of love so be it. However, I’d be remiss if I didn’t tell you that I watched this episode and wondered whether Kim’s entire closet smelled like roasted cashews, almonds, and pistachios to coincide with the sheer nuttiness of Kanye West.

As soon as I realized what was going on, I immediately thought, “Wow, he did the same thing with [name redacted].” I used to be friends with someone he dated and I recall her telling me how he had his stylist go into her closet, remove all of her clothing and fill it with a bunch of new stuff to go with his image of her back in [redacted]. It’s as odd to me then as it is now.

Like I’m seriously over here humming, “He’s creepy and he’s kooky, mysterious and spooky.”

I’m not the one dating Kanye West and lucky for him he found the absolute best person to play another round of Barbi with. Did anyone else chuckle when Kim said, “Kanye’s definitely inspired me to want to like a little bit more of an individual?” Nothing screams individuality the way allowing a man and his stylist to raid your wardrobe and redesign it in their aesthetic does. Again, she isn’t even the first person he’s done this to. Zoom, look at your individuality go, girl.

I also found it funny that he told her to let his stylist do her job, noting that she’s a professional. Uh, didn’t Kimmy K. start out as a stylist herself? While she touts him being a fashion designer (tee-hee), doesn’t she have a clothing line herself? Is she not a professional (quit it)?

Even stranger was Khloe Kardashian being the voice of reason by acknowledging, “You’ve got to keep a little bit of the ghetto.”

Khloe is almost my new favorite Kardashian now. She’s literally about to top Rob Kardashian’s ass on the list. Poor him, by the way. If only he’d embrace my master plan for our careers. Dressing him would be the last thing on my mind, but as Kanye – speaking for Kim, of course – explained: “I’m getting on best dressed lists now.”

I suppose that’s all that matters to those two.

This is what I meant when I said these two are absolutely perfect for each other. They are each other’s fetishes. Two self-involved, materialistic souls obsessed with their celebrity? Talk about a love story for the times.

I’m sure those who aspire for similar emptiness and fame were touched by this scene. So much so that the empty little spaces where their hearts used to reside before they pawned it off to stunt almost feel full again.

Y’all can have it. To quote fashion’s Geppetto: “That shit cray.” I know, I know. I hope I never say that again either.

I’m a fan and all, but I would never want to involve myself with anyone that controlling. Well, I’d probably change my mind if I don’t pay off my student loans by a certain age. Then I’d probably let someone dress me up like The Shredder or Princess Jasmine.

I’d still know deep down it was wrong, though.

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