Missing Michelle’s Point

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Michelle Obama offered what may ultimately be considered the finest speech ever delivered by a First Lady last nite at the Democratic National Convention. Unfortunately, an alarming number of people appeared to miss much of what made it all so special because they were so engulfed in one of those “me, me, me” moments that blinded them from what was actually being said in favor of the recurring storyline playing in their heads. I joked about it yesterday on the Twitter, but heavens to Murgatroyd heterosexual Negroes of America, not everything is about you, your dating life, and your search for a Barack or Michelle to match your Michelle or Barack.

Speaking of that fantasy, if you watched Michelle’s speech yesterday and immediately though to revisit the same argument always brought up in some Black romantic comedy, you are nothing like Barack Hussein Obama or Michelle “Do you see these arms? Do you see this hair flowing? Get into this ensemble, dear!” Obama.

Not a single thing. Let’s make that clear. Like, the only thing you have in common with them is you, too, use soap and water to clean your body. Obviously, not the same brand, though.

I don’t have anything against breeders. My mother is a breeder, most of my friends are breeders, and the overall majority of you fine readers are breeders. However, there is something so strange to me about straight Black folks who never miss an opportunity to talk about why they’re single, what men and women do and don’t do, blah, blah, blah. This must be why the Washington Post and the New York Times along with Tyrese won’t leave y’all alone.

And these days the trend is to theme this never ending squabble about relationships around Barack and Michelle.

Last year I went to have drinks with some friends in Harlem and it became very apparent that I was the only gay man around once some dude on the other end of the table mentioned something about him being like Obama who can’t find a “real Michelle.” Seconds later every Black woman on the table wanted to behead him and use that rock as a footstool. And on and on they went for what felt like forever.

In response, I turned my body around and made the straight people on my end talk about something else. I eventually went outside to spare myself from the boredom. Twitter provided the virtual equivalent of that dinner yesterday.

God bless us single souls, but while Michelle did mention dating Barack while he was broke though placing more emphasis on his potential, that wasn’t the overall point of her remarks. Yes, she mentioned love, but it was more about his character and how that reflects in his leadership. She was also effectively slicing and dicing Mitt Romney and the rest of the Dumbo party’s ideology — pointing out what a complete crock it is without aiming any direct shots.

Her speech was about why her husband remains the person we need to steer this country in the right direction, not why y’all can’t find a Barack or Michelle to crack your back and marry you.

This fetishizing of relationships (or a certain kind anyway) has made way too many of you straights folks on par with Drake’s obsession with Aaliyah. Quit it. If not for me, for yourself. Do you know what I read earlier today? Women asking Lil’ Scrappy for relationship advice. Lil’ Scrappy, y’all. This will only worsen if y’all don’t quit it.

Do me a favor: If you fell victim to that relationship chatter trap yesterday, watch this speech again. Then, say, go read things about Mitt Romney. Honest things preferred. After that, you should become very, very afraid as you’ll soon learn that whenever you do find your B or M, Mitt Romney’s policies will possibly have y’all sleeping together at the YMCA.

Furthermore, I’d love to introduce a trap door to those who instructed women to “be more like Michelle Obama instead of a Mimi Faust”  and shaded anyone who dares to watch both Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta and the Democratic National Convention.

On the former, telling women there is only one way to be is not in any way helpful towards women at large. You don’t love women if you don’t think they have every right to be whomever they choose to be regardless of whether or not it fits your standard.

As for this hollow idea that one can’t watch VH1 and be politically minded, find a chair and kick it out of the way as you try to sit in it. After that, remain on the floor for a few additional seconds and think about how utterly simplistic you sound.

Let’s not use instances passionately calling for unity to be selfish or divisive.

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