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White people of the world, it’s time for y’all to windmill the hell out of the dip shits of your race speaking out of term. I do my part ’round here and elsewhere across the Internet. I’m tagging y’all in.

Now as someone regularly writing about this year’s election cycle I’m quite aware that some fools of the world – say, a Rush Limbaugh here or your garden variety birther there – are too old and too stubborn to see the light and allow it to shine into their thick skulls. Fine. Let their malnourished brain cells die and go to dimwitted hell for all I care.

However, you still have an opportunity to save the minds of young celebrities like Lindsay Lohan. When I read this tweet of her complaining about the punishment she received for her lengthy run of screw ups as opposed to allegations surrounding fellow fuck up Amanda Bynes, I started singing, “I say somebody want they wig split, they wig split.”

That’s not Chris Brown, that’s Mia X and Fiend. 

So let ’em have it.

I used to think some people were being a bit too hard on her. She is a symptom of white privilege, not the cause. She can’t help it if her low melanin levels coupled with her celebrity kept her from hugging the jail cell the crimes she committed called for.

And you know what? I enjoyed her in Mean Girls. Her pop song wasn’t horrible either. You can call me a modest fan.

Yeah, forget all that right about now.

The nerve of her to actually complain about someone else getting preferential treatment? Evidently it’s not just Mitt Romney who wants to grab national headlines for living in the land of delusion.

Lindsay Lohan has long proven herself to be a white version of Felicia from Friday, so I’m really not up for entertaining whining about how someone else deserves punishment. This is a woman who has been charged several times for various crimes and violated her probation on numerous occasions. Worse, after all that Lindsay reportedly almost went back to jail from theft after previously facing similar charges. She only got off because the dude she yanked jewelry from (allegedly) had a crush on her.

I let that little tweet to President Obama asking for famous rich people tax cuts slide, but this…no.

She is blithely unaware of the privilege she yields. Wait, she isn’t. She follows the “When in doubt, blame the Blacks” mantra — at least in 2007 and a month ago.

Like, Lindsay, good day. Wait, no. Have a horrible, no good, very bad day. You earned it.

I am getting so sick and tired of hearing privileged people try to vilify others while being ignorant about their realities.

Get her, my white brethren.

Book Lindsay a trip to Springfield, set her in front of Montgomery Burns and let him pop the switch that sends her through his trap door. Stat. Once y’all find her, sit her down and give her double dose of reality. At least she’d have a useful high for a change.

Oh, and maybe remind her that Amanda Bynes has only been charged for crimes. She has yet to face a lengthy trial and subsequent plea/conviction, no? Impatient ass generation.

Can’t even wait for a judge to rule before crying out onto the world, “WHY AIN’T SHE MY JAIL PEN PAL YET? HUH? HUH? HUH?”

Gon’ somewhere.

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