I Like To Help

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Some continue to fight it, but the majority has ruled that President Barack Obama performed about as well in his first debate with Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney as Rick Ross would in a race against Ryan Lochte at a Hilton pool. However, the online panic attacks – i.e., openly questioning whether Obama gave up the entire presidential race in 90 minutes – have been a bit premature to say the least.

As we await the start of the second installment of this brand of political theater, here are five tips the president could use for Tuesday night’s debate.

1. Look like you want to be there this time.

Jon Stewart had a point when he mentioned that Obama’s overall disposition suggested that he would rather be anywhere but at the podium with Mitt Romney‘s newly orange glow in his periphery vision. And for all the critiques about Romney lying the entire time, Stewart noted, “Obama lost even though Romney was lying his ass off the entire night.”

No matter how sentimental you feel about our commander-in-chief, this isn’t a good thing, y’all. It didn’t help that he appeared painfully bored by it all to boot.

Tip: Mr. President, look at Romney when he’s lying to your face; try not to look as if you could fall asleep standing up at a moment’s notice. Don’t let us know how great a waste of time these overproduced, talking-point heavy political expeditions are.

While I agree with you, I’m not the one trying to be president a second time around. If you’re going to hit me up every hour on the hour for my spare change to support your campaign, Mr. President, you’ve got to play along with the rest of us.

Read more here.

I see the line about me giving five dollars to the campaign and wanting a return on my investment. No matter. I’m letting you know now what my creative spirit really said.

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