You Got Me Confused, Ciara

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I don’t understand Ciara’s refusal to succeed. Aaliyah is now leading God’s dance trope, Mya is somewhere contemplating an offer to work at the strip club Stadium in D.C., and Ashanti is turning into Mario Lopez. Meanwhile, Keri Hilson is somewhere fixing Ursula the Sea Witch a plate in her new role as an indentured servant after she failed to hand in Beyoncé’s soul as agreed upon in the terms of their contract. And mother superior Janet Jackson’s official outlook on music appears to be, “My legacy is cemented so I might as well lay on this handsome billionaire.”

You would think Cici would have better taken advantage of the opportunities afforded to her.

But no, she’s still floundering and searching for a sound, a look, and a concrete album release date. I know the boys who don’t like girls but love to rave dance in West Hollywood are enjoying this track, Cici, but this ain’t it. The video isn’t bad. You know, it’s cool in a “Early in the morning, Ciara wants this. Late in the evening, Ciara wants this.” sort of way. The song itself leaves a lot to be desired, however.

Even when Ciara improves, she always manages to make me appreciate growing up during Janet Jackson’s peak in popularity. One thing I loved about Damita Jo is that despite doing obvious pop music, she gave you Black girl doing pop. There was a certain oomph there, a feeling that she truly enjoyed the music she was making. Such a quality is missing from “Got Me Good.”

How do you take that familiar hook and make it sound so…valley.

No one wants to hear this watered down Miami bass track anymore anyway, Ciara. We heard it from you at least three times already in as many years. It comes across as one of those songs that serves as a backdrop for a Pepsi commercial filmed around 1993. Stop it, Ciara. Stop it this instant.

I know many of you kids these days act like anything sounding urban Black spells down and gloom for one’s career, but let it be known that Ciara’s biggest hits were when she was giving you regular ass Atlanta booty pop music set to crunk beats. The hooks were catchy and the sound was distinctive — everything “Got Me Good” isn’t. I do enjoy Ciara’s electro-leaning in certain spells. Say, the ethereal “This Is What Love Is,” though she’s way too hit or miss in that department.

Funny enough, had she stuck with the sounds of Goodies a little while longer and maybe developed that way, she’d be right on schedule in this Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta, you Negroes and now white folks abuse the hell out of the word “ratchet” world we live in.

Speaking of, Joseline Hernandez, girl, in addition to tapping me to co-author your memoirFrom Stripping to Steebie to Stardom: How Squats Can Seal The American Dream?, I’ve got another great idea. You need to give Jazze Pha a lap dance as a means of getting him to hand over all those discarded Ciara tracks left behind on the cheap. Or hell, a ham sandwich. Just give him some chips, too.

As for you, Ciara, I don’t know. I may often sound like the hating ass palm tree to your light, but I’m trying to hold on to hope. The industry needs to fill its Black girl can’t sing all that great, but yo, she dance and make it clap with no hands void so. No on younger with better songs has come along yet, so since you’re all we’ve got, I’ll say a silent prayer on your behalf to R&B/pop Jesus.

Now I’d like to take a second to say something nice.

So while I’m not especially here for the song considering I liked it when it was called “Differences” and I don’t ever care to hear Ciara do a ballad, this performance is pretty damn great. Good for her. Alright, enough of that.

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