Nobody knows the troubles DJ DMD has seen, so while I can appreciate his excitement about overcoming his obstacles with the help of his new BFF, the King of Kings, I really wish he had found a new beat to testify to. If you know someone from Houston with a permanent tan, chances are they’ve done the Southside to “25 Lighters” more than once around you. It is a classic record, so much so that plenty of people outside of Houston know it and adore thee with the rest of the natives. Now, since that’s DJ DMD’s biggest hit, I can understand why he wanted to use the original to spread his new message.
Hell nawl all the same, though.
Like my homie who sent it, as soon as I heard the beat, I got up to drop down. Unfortunately, my Southside didn’t make it past the west because I heard the word “Bibles” and several layers of confusion smacked me shortly thereafter.
I just can’t get into Christian rap, y’all. I wasn’t here for the sanctified versions of “No Hands” and “Motivation” and I’m definitely not hearing it for “25 Bibles On My Dresser.” Why can’t us heathens have secular music to ourselves? You don’t see me taking “Amazing Grace” and spinning it into “Amazing cakes, how phat thine ass.”
Why do you even have that many Bibles on the dresser anyway? Isn’t one enough? Or are you like one of those people who wear the black and white suits and hand out tiny versions of the King James remix of the New Testament across the street from a junior high school?
Let me stop. I already feel there’s a 30% chance a lightning bolt will be striking me overnight. Let me not tempt fate further by boosting that stat.
Fear of the wrath of God aside, the fact remins that there’s always been something conspicuously corny about holy hip-hop to me. I didn’t like it in Sister Act 2 and I don’t enjoy it now. It’s a matter of taste, but I prefer gospel music sounding like slavery or screwed and chopped (specifically Mary Mary’s “Blame It On The Jesus (It’s The God In Me”).
Can I get a amen?
Wait, I hear thunder now. Just hit a Facebook like if you feel me. That said, despite my feelings about this religious spin to a rap classic, I’m leaving this here. Maybe some of you will enjoy it. Perhaps the spirit of God will touch your soul, something, something, praise the Lord and heaven, I need a hug.
Whatever, you know what I mean.
Meanwhile, I’m about to blast the original. Blessings to all.
P.S. Please don’t touch Lil’ Keke’s “Pimpin’ The Pen.” Like ever.