Is It A Crime?

I’m a bit backlogged on posts here. Such is life when you write as much as ass is passed around at a Young Money after party. However, I still have a few things to say about the artist formally known as Elmo — well, uh, one aspect of his life anyway.

After Kevin Clash’s accuser reportedly retracted claims that the now former voice of Elmo allegedly tickled him in the wrong spot when he was still a minor, he pretty much ruined the argument I was making in a piece for Ebony.com. The essay was centered on why the press ought to watch how quick they are to soil the reputation of someone without all of the facts available. I didn’t defend or condemn Clash, or his accuser, Sheldon Stephens. I just felt as though in the 24-hour news cycle, we’re collectively so quick to run with a story without worrying over the consequences. Those knee jerk reactions can be dangerous is all.

I believe that remains a valid point, only Clash’s ass sure isn’t the best person to use as an example.

So since that issue is dead, there is another matter that I need you guys’ help on: Am I allowed to say how attractive the first accuser is?

Sorry if the answer is “Boy, stop,” but Stephen is kinda cute. Like, here’s my number, call me, maybe cute. I mean, I’m not the one who allegedly committed a crime and since he’s 24 now so if he want it, he can get it, call me, call me for that good. Yes, I just wanted to quote Just Brittany. I don’t co-sign R. Kelly’s alleged style of loving. Ick. I’m not here for that second hand B. Scott looking second accuser either (no shade to B. at all, he just looked like the Joseline to B’s Rihanna) and all his stunts, shows, and odd press conferences.

Are y’all judging me? On a scale from 1 to Jackie Christie, how inappropriate am I being right now?

Or am I not alone? Don’t lie. You’re among friends here. That is, unless you try to shade me for my taste. Or mention the thirst. If so, take your ass on somewhere. I’m not about to propose even preposition. I’m just asking…for reasons.

One last thing about this legally attractable dude: What brand is he referring to?

Once I stopped being blinded by the handsome, I realized he said he didn’t want to say too much about his legal situation in an effort to preserve his brand. What brand, though? As of now, he’s only known for giving Elmo a possibly illegal erection. You know, allegedly or whatever. I don’t want to offend him – again, because he’s cute and I ain’t shit – but, that baffled me a bit.

I wonder if he can sing. There’s a spot open for some DeBarge looking man to croon his way up the charts about love and heartache. Drake tries his best to fill the void, but…nah.

You know what? As I write this, I can already feel your judgment. Or I’m just thinking of my friend Lauren and her shade on this. Look, in my defense, my Rob Kardashian plan for world domination is officially over given he decided to show his ass over Rita Ora not giving him hers. Just exploring my options.