If It’s Over

As your Mayan prophecy minding-mama has probably already explained to you, the world as we know it is supposedly set to end on December 21, 2012. Yes, before the Obamas lead the nation in the wobble at the second inauguration; before Beyoncé dips it, pops it, twirks it, stops it at the Super Bowl halftime show; and sadly, before you get to recite your favorite 2 Chainz lyrics to Houston strippers during the next NBA All-Star Game. Damn, damn, damn and all that.

Those of us not into wasting idle time watching YouTube prophets pretend they’re Nostradamus don’t believe the world will end this week, but just in case, here are 10 truths we all need to accept should Mother Earth implode.

Drake Is Not The Worst Artist To Ever Live

Look, Aubrey Graham can be a bit whiny, and if Aaliyah were still with us, I don’t doubt that she might’ve had had to file a restraining order against the creeper. Still, his music is cool and he’s really not any less emo than your average rapper – he’s basically DMX becoming better in touch with his feelings after several anger management courses and intensive therapy.

We Are All Wrong As Hell For Letting Chris Brown Have So Many Chances And Not Bobby Brown

It’s really not fair that the genius behind “Roni,” “Don’t Be Cruel,” and “Rock ‘Wit Cha” hasn’t gotten as many chances as Ike Turner in lighter packaging.

Uncut Wasn’t That Bad

Don’t act like you never sang along to Black Jesus’ “Tell Me What Thang Smell Like It” at least once. You should’ve told your badass kids to stay asleep when grown folks’ music videos are on anyway. For the record, though, YouTube is Uncut’srevenge. Take that, take that.

Michael Jackson Looked Okay As A Puerto Rican

Maybe the late King of Pop and my namesake had vitiligo or maybe he just went overboard with the surgery and bleaching cream from Kim’s Beauty Supply. Whatever the case, his look during the Bad era (aka his DeBarge look) wasn’t so bad. Had he stayed looking like El DeBarge’s androgynous brother, he would’ve scared less people in the 1990’s and 2000’s and convinced Lil’ Kim to respect her limits.

Read the rest at The Shadow League.