Don’t Follow Me Into The New Year

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As 2012 winds down, there are a few issues that still need worth addressing – namely what all doesn’t need to be seen or heard from again as we enter the New Year. Study this list, pass it to a friend, and feel free to contribute on what you think is too stale to bring into 2013.

Chris Brown: I realize I run the risk of a sea of teenagers threatening my life over Chris Brown’s inclusion on this list, but that walking and pop locking Hot Pocket just doesn’t seem worth the trouble. At the very least, Breezy shouldn’t be allowed to join the rest of us in 2013 until he learns to relax, relate, release.

“Ratchet” Abuse: With all due respect to people happy to learn a new word, the rampant abuse of this term makes many of us Southerners long for the days when the ratchet was just a dance you did to a Lil’ Boosie song. I understand that thanks to social media colloquialisms spread faster than ever, but damn, can people ruin a good thing fast.

Lindsay Lohan: I used to think Lindsay Lohan was like a white version of Felicia from Friday, now I just feel whatever she is, it needs to be locked away in a jail cell. If she were Black she would’ve long been in jail trading Hollywood gossip for Newport cigarettes.

Debates Over Blackness: I could’ve sworn a very special episode ofThe Fresh Prince of Bel-Air solved this riddle years ago, but in case there was any lingering doubt, Black people are not a monolith. However, there is such a thing as Black culture, but you don’t have to donate your melanin to someone in need if you don’t identify with any or even all aspects of it. Also, cut it out with the “post-Blackness” chatter. That’ll never be a thing.

Celebrities Live Tweeting Their Relationships: On Rihanna’s new duet with Chris Brown, “Nobody’s Business,” the two borrow from the Michael Jackson lyric book to sing how their relationship is nobody’s business, “but mine and my baby.” And apparently their public Twitter and Instagram accounts. You either want your private relationships private or you don’t. And the same goes for Chad Johnson and Evelyn Lozada, who seem to be moving towards becoming Rihanna and Chris Brown Sr.

Read the complete list at EBONY.com.

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