As Chris Brown awaits word on whether or not Frank Ocean will formally file charges related to their reported fight in and outside of a Los Angeles area studio, this week’s fictional roundtable looks at their Rhythm & Beef, and what if any consequences should the channel ORANGE creator and his “channel RAGE” counterpart face.
Ray Lewis: Before we get into this, can we start off with a prayer?
Colin Kaepernick: Oh, boy.
Bobby Brown: Tom Brady wouldn’t have wanted to lead with a benediction.
Ray Lewis: Yes, yet as the man upstairs will tell you: “I never will take you through hell without bringing you to triumph.”
Bobby Brown: Are you saying that it’s going to be hell having a conversation or what? I’m confused. And before you ask, I’m completely sober this afternoon.
Ray Lewis: What I’m saying is that it’s the God in me, which is why I’m sitting up here now and not your losing-ass quarterback. Now can I get an amen?
Lil’ Wayne: Young Moolah, baby!
Colin Kaepernick: Same difference?
Drake: Speaking of the Lord, I wish he’d answer my prayers and music would find Chris’ replacement already.
Bobby Brown: Ladies and gentleman, MC Spin The Bottle is in the house!
Drake: Watch it. Don’t you want me to sample “Rock Wit’Cha” so you can buy yourself a new ride and relevance?
Bobby Brown: You’re two sarcastic comments away from me misplacing your two front teeth.
LL Cool J: Yo, don’t let that stomach fool you. Bobby’s still got the swing. Now for Canada’s safety, can we get back to Chris Brown being a b!tch?
Bobby Brown: How do we know that Frank Ocean didn’t start the fight, though?
Justin Timberlake: He’s a lover, not a fighter; as opposed to Christopher who is…
LL Cool J: A biter, antagonist, and…
Ray Lewis: …a damn heathen! That Meteor Man villain looking fool compared himself to Jesus the Christ. Not my Jesus! A pop and lock is no match for what my Jesus did for me and my Ravens.
Colin Kaepernick: Well, what he did for you until this Sunday,anyway.
Ray Lewis: Stand back, Satan.