Do Your Thang…Again

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Of all the music I used to boost from my older sister, Xscape is one of the acts that I would listen to, but in hindsight didn’t appreciate enough when they were actively releasing music. I knew their songs and liked enough of them, but in year’s past when the conversation of the best of the 1990s would come up, Xscape wasn’t one of the groups that I’d immediately point to. Forgive me, for I have sinned. As a longtime lover of the girl group, I have to right this wrong because now that I’m older I see how much Xscape’s catalog has aged better than many of their peers at the time.

I own all of TLC’s albums, but what always bothered me about them collectively was that after a while it seemed like they kept singing about the same limp dick man who not only couldn’t fuck, but then had the nerve to cheat, too. It was just like, “Okay, girl, then dump his ass already and go back to recording songs like ‘Let’s Do It Again.'” By the time 3D was released and TLC dropped “Girl Talk,” I couldn’t do it anymore. Seriously, y’all are like 30 still sounding like my old high school classmates giggling about sucking football player dick over cheese-drenched chicken strips and french fries during A lunch.

And as much as I adore En Vogue and their vocal talents, I can only now listen to about two songs from Born To Sing and maybe half of Funky Divas. I’d love for them to finally get their act together and record new music — proving that they, like SWV, can continue making music as strong now as it was as their debut 20 years ago. But apparently Solomon split the baby in half yet neglected to tell them it’s not 1992 anymore so enough people don’t give a damn, so oh well.

Speaking of En Vogue, didn’t some folks try to portray Xscape as En Vogue if En Vogue got hit with a bag of nickels or something? Way harsh, Tai, and totally not true for all parties involved. Yes, this is such a shallow side note, but I really needed to get that out.

Anyway, Off The Hook and Traces of My Lipstick remain gems. Why not give us an SWV-like reunion and a few spot dates since Dawn is too busy telling Terri Ellis that she ain’t ever been shit (paraphrasing)? I know since half the members can’t stand each other this probably will never happen. What a pity, though. Tiny’s voice is impeccable and I miss hearing it. Also, Kandi sounded less petrified singing with the group versus her solo work. I like Kandi, but I bet a few of you know what I mean.

She’s got the Marsha Ambrosius, a term I coined to describe haunted house vibrato. Plus after her solo deal fell through, LaTocha Scott was never given a proper platform to show off all that weight loss. I don’t remember much about her sister, but you know, bring her back, too.

I should note that I forgot the group did indeed try to reunite once, minus Kandi a couple of years ago. I’m assuming that stranger in the photo is that The Real Housewives of Jesus cast member who recently said she used to be in Xscape before marrying a worker bee of the Lord. She can stay with the tabernacle while the real members of Xscape do their thing.

Can you imagine? They could get a subplot on a future season of The Real Housewives of Atlanta. I can already see NeNe Baloo saying, “I liked SWV and The Pointer Sisters much more than Xscape!” while rocking some extra long finger nails to their rehearsal. Then someone has to hold Tocha back from turning the show into Love & Hip Hop Upside Your Head.

So yeah, can y’all consider doing a lil’ something for  me, please? Tiny proved that her jig is intact, so now I need to hear those voices. I’d love to hear your cover of “All This Love,” plus “In The Rain,” “Softest Place on Earth,” “Who Can I Run To?” & “Can’t Hang.”

Pretty please?

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