Bad Isn’t Good Enough

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Two weeks ago, I was sitting in my barber’s chair, trying to focus on his sleeve instead of the idiotic conversation being had around me when I looked up and noticed Eve’s old TV show was on. Goodness, that was not very good, which is why I went right back to my appreciation of the A+ grade in aesthetics tapering me. I did take a second to recall that not that long ago Eve was a bit of a big deal, though.

I blocked out her TV show for obvious reasons. Same for her blink and you missed it Fetish fashion line, but nonetheless, Eve really had an impressive run. She basically came right after Lil’ Kim and Foxy Brown’s mainstream success, only she snatched up all the good deals because one was too busy pretending she was the widow and the other was too consumed ducking her prescriptions. Both have a much better catalog than Eve (who really only has one good album and a few hot singles here and there after), though that obviously didn’t matter.

Eve’s been trying to get back into music for what feels like half a century now. I was rooting for her given there remains a dearth of female rappers of note still dragging hip-hop down. However, this song isn’t really that hot. Like, if I were judging it by food standards, it’s like a hot pocket 15 minutes after it cooled down after you heated it up in the microwave. In other words, you might as well toss that shit in the trash and eat a cracker and complain.

Fortunately, the video is cool. Proof that you can do a nice visual on a budget so long as you’ve got a surplus in creativity. Still, Missy and Eve were killing on their guest verses last year, but their new lead singles aren’t bad per se, just not exactly enticing enough to get anyone invested in their returns. I will continue to hope for the best.

To be on the safe side, we should form a prayer circle, good people. Lord knows Lil’ Kim isn’t probably going to drop another album anytime soon — and if you’ve heard her recent material, complete with that weird ass way of speaking she has now, maybe she shouldn’t. As far as Foxy Brown goes, bless her heart, the moment has passed. Maybe Fox Boogie should have a sit down with Mona Scott-Young where she declares, “Remember that time I didn’t stab you? Girl, the good old days. Can I be on the next season of Love & Hip Hop?”

According to my Twitter feed, Da Brat is busy doing unrequested remixes of today’s hits. Pass. I think I’ll go listen to “Give It To You” and reflect on the memories and awesome Snoop Dogg impersonations instead.

Yeah, prayer is required so gather ’round the screen y’all and repeat after me:

Hey, Real Hova. 

Can you clt our favorite 1990 lady rappers who still have a chance in 2013 some slack ’cause this new shit they dropping ain’t really all that?

May you bless them with beats that won’t get them laughed at on the street?

Might you gift them with hooks that’ll get the club shook?

But if you can’t do any of that, can you just make sure Azealia Banks’ first album does well? I LOVE HER, LORD. LOVE!

Amen.

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