Girl, Get Up: Kenya Moore Edition

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The more ridiculous Kenya Moore shows herself to be on The Real Housewives of Atlanta, the longer I hold out hope that her antics are a part of some secret documentary project in which the actress exposes reality television and celebrity culture at large. Something thoughtful that points to how increasingly difficult it is for trained actors such as herself to get ahead in a world where any random off the street who can string a snarky sentence together while intoxicated can secure cheap fame long enough to make a full-fledged career out of it. The kind of career someone like Kenya Moore should be enjoying consistently already, but has been harder to both attain and maintain given the state of the industry. Unfortunately, that would be too much like right, which leaves me to believe I’m holding said hope in vain and that Kenya is basically an actress playing a reality star hoping to parlay her newfound stardom into acting roles.

Or I guess a music career. And probably her mug on a grownup Just For Me box. Then a swimsuit line. Followed by a t-shirt line. With hopefully a spinoff. And who knows, maybe whatever else reality stars are doing these days.

I can’t tell if I think what she’s doing is genius, ridiculous, stupid as all hell or some weird fusion of the three. Whatever it is, I can’t stop looking even if it increasingly frustrates me. She does need to get her ass off the ground, though.

Bless her heart as I don’t know her struggle, but girl, what in the hell is this song?

I swear Kenya made a check list of everything she needed to do before she got in front of Bravo’s hired camera crew. I need a relationship and an engagement so I can be like Kim Zolciak. Then I need to have a beef so I can serve NeNe Baloo sprinkles. And oh baby, will I have me a catch phrase that’ll trend on the Twitter.

Ergo, “Gone With The Wind Fabulous.”

This song is fifty shades of terrible, but if I didn’t know any better, I’d swear she went into the studio and demanded the track be as cheesy as humanly possibly. Because that gives it even greater chance at netting online┬ánotoriety. Well, mission accomplished, Kenya, because that fake-ass Fergie hits the ball song is the fool and this performance is wild enough to earn a place in my memory for at least four weeks.

Again: Girl, get up off the floor.

Seriously, is Kenya nothing more than a parody of a reality star? This looks exactly like a sketch of a reality star turned singer. The nonsensical lyrics. The voguing dancers behind her. The clueless white people dancing off beat in the background. It’s like Kim Zolciak had a threesome with Miss Lawrence and that sister-in-law Teresa can’t stand and somehow a baby was born from it.

Did you see Kenya do that dip and drop? Andy Cohen (who I like), who doesn’t seem to know anything about gay Black people besides what he saw on In Living Color and parts of Paris Is Burning, is totally going to steal that and reference it repeatedly the second he is told by a Black-adjacent assistant what really happened.

As ironic as it may seem on the surface, people like their reality stars to be real. Be placed in situations carefully orchestrated by producers and a well-tipped bartender, sure, but they want the real you all the same. I still don’t get the sense that this is who Kenya is off screen, which is sometimes I want her to twirl right into a trap door. She’s got the Meeka Claxton syndrome where she serves you what she thinks a reality personality is supposed to be based on the program she watched as a fan before joining. That’ll get you attention, but you know, there’s got to be some kind of consequence for force-feeding, right?┬áI’m curious to see how this ultimately plays out.

In the meantime, once more, Kenya Moore: Girl, get up.

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