Ray Lewis, The Lord, Rhythm & Beef

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As Chris Brown awaits word on whether or not Frank Ocean will formally file charges related to their reported fight in and outside of a Los Angeles area studio, this week’s fictional roundtable looks at their Rhythm & Beef, and what if any consequences should the channel ORANGE creator and his “channel RAGE” counterpart face.

Ray Lewis: Before we get into this, can we start off with a prayer?

Colin Kaepernick: Oh, boy.

Bobby Brown: Tom Brady wouldn’t have wanted to lead with a benediction.

Ray Lewis: Yes, yet as the man upstairs will tell you: “I never will take you through hell without bringing you to triumph.”

Bobby Brown: Are you saying that it’s going to be hell having a conversation or what? I’m confused. And before you ask, I’m completely sober this afternoon.

Ray Lewis: What I’m saying is that it’s the God in me, which is why I’m sitting up here now and not your losing-ass quarterback. Now can I get an amen?

Lil’ Wayne: Young Moolah, baby!

Colin Kaepernick: Same difference?

Drake: Speaking of the Lord, I wish he’d answer my prayers and music would find Chris’ replacement already.

Bobby Brown: Ladies and gentleman, MC Spin The Bottle is in the house!

Drake: Watch it. Don’t you want me to sample “Rock Wit’Cha” so you can buy yourself a new ride and relevance?

Bobby Brown: You’re two sarcastic comments away from me misplacing your two front teeth.

LL Cool J: Yo, don’t let that stomach fool you. Bobby’s still got the swing. Now for Canada’s safety, can we get back to Chris Brown being a b!tch?

Bobby Brown: How do we know that Frank Ocean didn’t start the fight, though?

Justin Timberlake: He’s a lover, not a fighter; as opposed to Christopher who is…

LL Cool J: A biter, antagonist, and…

Ray Lewis: …a damn heathen! That Meteor Man villain looking fool compared himself to Jesus the Christ. Not my Jesus! A pop and lock is no match for what my Jesus did for me and my Ravens.

Colin Kaepernick: Well, what he did for you until this Sunday,anyway.

Ray Lewis: Stand back, Satan.

Read the latest Celebrity Roundtable at The Shadow League.

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