Hello, my new shit. I don’t know what to make of Che Mack. On one end, she seems absolutely clueless and kind of horrible. She gives, “What if Keyshia Cole didn’t get saved…by Interscope?” I try not to talk about her too badly for that reason. I just won’t feel comfortable until I receive confirmation that she didn’t leave some group home for struggle girls a few weeks before she joined Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta as a sidepiece character.
I will say that when I read that Che Mack had a diss record aimed at Joseline Hernandez, I was ready to hate it to the core. If you don’t know, I love the Puerto Rican Princess. Yet, here I am, ready to sing this song’s praises. It’s not horrible and considering the source I don’t know how you can call that anything other than a success.
How incredibly genius of the track’s producer to take audio from the greatest show on Earth and use it for a song? Why hasn’t anyone else thought of that before? Is it too late for me to do this for my mixtape, Suck A Dick, Sallie Mae? If not, I’ll be using it on my second mixtape, too, tentatively titled, Deep My Throat, Discover Student Loans (Ya Bitch).
I don’t even cut for monologue Mimi like that, but dammit if I didn’t start twirking in my seat the second I heard, “Slut bitch. Slut ass bitch! Slut ass bitch! Slut ass bitch!” I wish I had a extra long weave ponytail so I could swing my head to that hook. I tried yesterday with my taper, and ugh, it’s just not the same.
Mimi carries the song, but Che Mack isn’t completely awful. Like, she could probably have a nice little regional rap career if she sticks to songs along the lines of this and maybe gems such as “Shake Dem Dreads” and all the songs Diamond from Crime Mob thinks she’s too good to do now.
Why hasn’t anyone sent me the mp3 of this yet? I’m ready to be on some New York sidewalk fighting the urge to go full hands on knees after hearing “SLUT ASS BITCH! SLUT ASS BITCH!”
Now, in tribute to Mimi Faust and her favorite word, I’m going to write the rest of this review using the word bitch as much as possible.
Bitch, listen. Bitch. This song is it, bitch. Nah, bitch, she can’t really rap, but who gives a fuck nowadays, bitch? That beat is catchy, bitch. Yasss, bitch. This is perfect for my bird self, bitch. Bitch, I hope they play this in the club. Bitch, don’t act like this shit ain’t catchy.
Alright, I’m done, bitches. Get into it. If you don’t, bitch, don’t tell me about it.
P.S. Joseline, I love you, but you might want to watch it trying to sucker punch Che Mack. Yeah, you lift all of the weights at least six days a week, but Che Mack looks like she fights as if she has nothing to lose. She will go for the face and try to deflate your right breast implant. Be careful.