Clocking Cory Booker

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Dear Cory Booker Clockers:

I’m a bit reluctant to co-sign a politician, who at this point, I continue to place more faith in as a Marvel superhero than elected official. Nevertheless, Cory Booker has a point about everyone needing quit riding him like a bus and tend to their own business. Well, that should’ve been his point, but he is not in the position to convey such truths in such a plainspoken manner to you annoying wastes of intellectual space. Don’t worry, Cory. I’m happy to help.

There have been rumors about Cory Booker’s sexuality for years now. Such is the burden any single man of a certain age has to bear when he doesn’t have a wife, 2.3 children, and a dog named Iggy Pop by his mid to late 30s has to bear. With that in mind, it’s not at all shocking that once again, people are inquiring about whether the famed mayor would prefer missionary (the only kind of sex that seems to be deemed appropriate for people who hold public office) with Chris Brown or Christina Aguilera.

Anyway, his opponent for the New Jersey Senate, Steve Lonegan, told Newsmax that while he was unsure of Booker’s sexuality, wanted to make clear that: “As a guy, I personally like being a guy. I don’t know if you saw the stories last year. They’ve been out for quite a bit about how he likes to go out at three o’clock in the morning for a manicure and a pedicure.”

Yes, because taming your feet means you might use Fleet…for fun.

Not to be outdone, “I don’t like going out in the middle of the night, or any time of the day, for a manicure and pedicure. It was described as his peculiar fetish. I have a more peculiar fetish. I like a good Scotch and a cigar. That’s my fetish but we’ll just compare the two.”

In other words, Steve Lonegan is a man’s man because he only wraps his mouth around “manly things.” I could go on, but I’ll just say that somewhere a village is missing its most prized idiot.

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In response to this not-so-subtle presumed clock of his sexual orientation, Booker was invited to appear on All in With Chris Hayes and talk about how silly this all was. But, but, but, but: Chris Hayes then correctly pointed that with respect to the gay rights movement, coming out does much in the way of shepherding wider acceptance; ergo, if Cory Booker was indeed gay, why not just come out (on MSNBC)?

Read the rest of the latest edition of The Weekly Read at  

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