EBONY: [THE WEEKLY READ] Dear Celebrity Sexters

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Email this to someone

On Sunday, a young woman posted a link to an image she uploaded to Instagram with the following caption: “Guess which verified account I’m giving the business to tonight?” The image has since been removed, but it doesn’t matter. There will be another person to pull the same stunt with similar intentions faster than you can say “but Karrine Steffans got a book deal!”

I don’t have a problem with a person wanting to hookup with a celebrity. I have a list of stars who can get the business and a signed nondisclosure agreement right before (or after). If you want to play the role of Jesus Clause and wrap some of those men up for the kid, I’ll be happy to provide their names. I swear that I have been awfully good in 2013.

It’s not so much the bedding of the stars I find problematic. Desire is natural and fine is fine no matter how famous the packaging it comes in. Yet, there’s a special kind of desperation and delusion in trying to seek attention for yourself over having sex with a public figure.

This poor unfortunate soul fixed her fingers to type: “Guess which verified account I’m giving the business to tonight?” And to her, this is bragging. Like, in her mind she’s stunting on her Twitter timeline because she let the owner of a blue check on a screen inside of her.

You can’t see my eyes, but know they are presently doing the choreography to Beyoncé’s “Get Me Bodied” just thinking about her mindset. Now snap in a circle three times and start praying to your God or shooting star that one day she snaps into reality with the rest of us.

First of all, sis and all those like you, that’s a very low barometer to base your self-worth on. Secondly, the fact that you’re telling the world this and then playing a virtual game of “Guess the rapper based on his light skin and the ass hanging out of his sagging pants” shows you’ll probably not be asked back. I know discretion is increasingly becoming passé among the masses, but if you’re angling to get a come up by way of a celebrity’s (ahem), you’re going about this wrong. As a gay, I’m almost certain I can guess that behind, but I’m too classy to say whom I think it belongs to.

See that? Now that rapper may DM me ‘cause I know when to shut up.

Read the rest at EBONY.

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Email this to someone