I Need Answers

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1. How many of you care if Michael Bae Jordan won’t respect you if you have sex with him on the first date so long as you have sex with Michael Bae Jordan?

2. Who has the more annoying “bill collector voice”: Ciara or Kanye West?

3. Speaking of Kanye West, instead of building a list of criminal charges in the state of California, why won’t he just move out of the state?

4. Will you be a dear and tell your friend to cut the fauxtivational social media shit out already?

5. So are people ever going to stop pretending that whenever Beyoncé sees a Kardashian, she wants to spit on them?

6. Now that Robin Thicke and the Gaye family have settled their suit over Thicke allegedly biting Marvin Gaye’s existence for several years and songs, who is the next white person to be sued by a dead soul singer’s kinfolk for a similar grievance?

7. Who do you think comforts James Baldwin in heaven when he cries himself to sleep thinking about Don Lemon having such a wide platform to be a gay Black man paid to be a racist, straight white man in drag?

8. Why hasn’t anyone interviewed Ice Cube about Beyoncé doing her part to keep the legacy of Friday alive on “Partition” and The Mrs. Cater Show World Tour?

9. When will Hollywood stop trying to make fetch happen with Paula Patton?

10. How much longer is Jennifer Lopez’s rich, California-residing ass going to keep reminding us that she’s still just the same girl from the Bronx?

11. How many of you shared my fears that the Shakira and Rihanna duet would sound like lesbian goat sex?

12. Can someone convince Janet Jackson to do a visual album and get her husband to pay for it?

13. When will the people argue that Mya is now the “Beyoncé of Japan” realize that Beyoncé is the Beyoncé of every inch of this universe and the next two over?

14. Will the same people rallying support against Russia’s strict anti-gay laws do the same about the brutal laws recently passed in Nigeria?

15. Can your cousin please stop using the terms “ratchet” and “shade” incorrectly?

16. Will Amina Buddafly ever realize that when it comes to the prospects of her establishing a successful career as a singer, a Karlie Redd Sings Opera album will outsell anything she drops?

17. Is it fair to consider NeNe Leakes the actress essentially the contemporary Shirley from What’s Happening!! or is that shade to Shirley?

18.  Doesn’t this sound like Future meets dumbed down Public Enemy?

19. Why hasn’t Rob Kardashian signed on for The Biggest Loser yet?

20. On his twerking scholarship, Juicy J says: “Fifty thousand dollars is a lot of money and I don’t want to waste it on just some girl twerking her ass. You don’t deserve it.”

Has Juicy J met Juicy J and the rest of Three 6 Mafia?

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