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Sean Spicer often looks guilty of something. He looks like the person who went into the work refrigerator, saw the juice with your name on it and drank it anyway—and put it back with not the slightest ounce of shame. Spicer also seems like the driver you end up cursing out on the freeway because he sees you trying to get over to make an exit but speeds up to block you from doing so. For no other reason than he can and he likes to inflict pain on others. The man looks salty as hell at all times.

For those who missed this when he served as Republican National Committee spokesman, they’re learning it now that this curmudgeon, who looks exactly like Howard the Duck if Howard the Duck met a scientist who could turn him into a human being, serves as White House press secretary.

In his debut, Spicer did not take questions. Instead, Spicer berated the press for correctly reporting that the crowds for Minute Maid Mao’s inauguration were pathetic, or “Sad!” as some wannabe dictators would say. Evidently the man was sent out by his new boss to play into his delusions of grandeur and incessant need to be liked. After Spicer finished, he stormed off. Sadly, no reporter shouted, “Sashay, Shantay” as he exited the building—proving once again why more media outlets need to be more inclusive in their hiring.

Then came his “first official briefing” in which he actually took questions. Spicer got a lot of unwarranted praise for doing that, though anyone who watched the lengthy presser saw that he continued to treat members of the press as individuals he can’t wait to catch on the street. Spicer doesn’t deserve a participation award, beloveds.

Spicer is quite the reflection of the man he works for, though. He lies like hell. He’s harsh in his delivery. He speaks with a strong sense of entitlement. He wears suits that are way too big. He’s infuriating to watch. Most of all, Spicer is incredibly embarrassing.

During a press conference Monday, Spicer was addressing Minute Maid Mao’s executive action that restructured the National Security Council. While doing so, Spicer held up a printed tweet. Why? Because Spicer wanted to drill home the point that there had been “misreporting” on this issue.

However, as The Verge’s Lizzie Plaugic noted, “It seems unlikely anyone in the room or watching the live stream would have actually been able to read what was on the sheet of paper, but Spicer apparently felt he needed hard proof of the tweet’s existence.”

Cast members on shows like The Real Housewives of Wherever and Love & Hip Hop: Anywhere don’t even print out tweets at reunion shows. Spicer is out here holding White House press conferences that come across as live re-enactments of posts from the Shade Room. Yet for Spicer it gets much, much worse.

During that same press conference, Spicer was asked about the Muslim ban signed by Minute Maid Mao and its effect on travelers. Like, say, a 5-year-old boy whose mother is Iranian and who was detained after arriving at Washington Dulles International Airport. When asked if the ban should apply to 5-year-old kids, Spicer said yes. With a straight face at that.

Heaven, I need a hug, and God, I need to borrow your trusty lightning bolt.

“That’s why we slow [the process] down a little,” Spicer explained. “To make sure that if they are a 5-year-old, that maybe they’re with their parents and they don’t pose a threat. But to assume that just because of someone’s age or gender or whatever that they don’t pose a threat would be misguided and wrong.”

The child is fucking 5 years old. When the mother was reunited with her son, she sang “Happy Birthday” to him. For you basket of deplorables reading this, she sang the song in English, although the Persian remix would have been perfectly fine, too.
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Here’s what’s fascinating about Caitlyn Jenner: Since undergoing her transformation, she has gone from being part of the most fortunate and privileged group on the planet—wealthy, white, and male—to a community which is more susceptible to violent attacks, poverty, and varying forms of discrimination than any other. Despite her status as a trans woman, Caitlyn is still rich, still white, and certainly more famous than ever. Even so, she is considered a minority now, and one shouldn’t expect the demographic shift to go completely smoothly. On the other hand, who would have thought she’d have the hubris to step into the spotlight and serve as a de facto spokesperson for a community which, as it turns out, she knows very little about.

Perhaps it’s problematic to reduce a woman to one voting issue. But when that woman is outspoken on national TV, and positioning herself as a representative for others like her—one who is already more privileged than many people she represents—yes, she should be held to a different standard.

To her credit, though, Caitlyn Jenner wants to learn. And through her reality show, I Am Cait, she is getting schooled by her trans sisters on national television. Yet there is a stubbornness to Jenner that is increasingly painful to watch. During the show’s season premiere, which aired earlier this week, Jenner defiantly defended the GOP as a party of tolerance.

 In a heated debate, trans activist and writer Jennifer Finney Boylan asked Jenner who among the GOP presidential field would be most supportive of trans people. In response, Jenner claimed, “All of ‘em.” Jenner said this without adding “SIKE!” or howling in ironic laughter. Instead, Jenner continued, “None of the Republicans say, ‘Oh, I hate trans people,’ or, ‘I hate gays.’ Nothing like that. They do more, ‘I want a thriving economy so every trans person has a job.’”
When Boylan noted that conservatives were behind efforts to repeal the anti-discrimination ordinance known as the Houston Equal Rights Ordinance (HERO), that offered broad non-discrimination protections, Jenner said, “Don’t go there.” Jenner went on to say, “Republicans and conservatives are not these horrible people out there trying to oppress people… I don’t know anything of what they said down there, but I’m not blaming it on Republicans and conservatives.”
Jenner admits she knows nothing “of what they said down there,” but speaks on the issue anyway. Meanwhile, Boylan was right: Conservatives and religious leaders managed to defeat the anti-discrimination ordinance by preying on voters’ transphobia with signs like “NO MEN in Women’s Bathrooms.”
Interestingly enough, when the subject of Hillary Rodham Clinton came up, Jenner dismissed her, arguing, “[Hillary] couldn’t care less about women. She cares about herself.”
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As it stands now, Tyga’s biggest consequence from dating the still very much a minor Kylie Jenner will be really bad casting on a future episode of Law & Order: SVU chronicling their relationship.

Seemingly aware of this reality, Tyga is reportedly gloating about it. The 25-year-old rapper is said to be “defiant” about his relationship with the youngest Jenner sister. Per TMZ, Tyga “doesn’t care about the laws prohibiting adults from having sex with minors.” So we’ve noticed.

In his mind, Tyga apparently feels that Kylie is “more mature than most adults.” Tyga must not know many people his age group and up. His rationale, though, is that she is a millionaire who runs a business and owns her home. Considering Tyga’s upper middle class background, the taxes his parents paid in year’s past should’ve made sure he went to good schools who taught students how to think critically.

Sure, Kylie has a business, but it’s a business run majorly through her mother and secured through the popularity of her older sister, Kim Kardashian. Such is the point of New York Times magazine profile of the Kardashian matriarch, aptly entitled “Where Would the Kardashians Be Without Kris Jenner?” As writerTaffy Brodesser-Akner notes with respect to the family’s very long list of successes, “The thing is, no one in her family knew what they were doing until Kris took charge.”

Tyga may genuinely like Kylie albeit illegally, but basing that allure on “maturation” is a joke. She’s not running the show; she’s merely a part of it. Now he’s enjoying the perks of jumping on the bandwagon. This is what Kanye West was alluding to in an interview with Power 105.1’s The Breakfast Club/ “I think he got in early, I think he was smart,” he disgustingly said. “They’re closer in age than a lot of relationships I know. I knew Tyga was smart, you know.”

Considering Kanye West has a thing for molding the women in his life, I imagine he would think Tyga “getting in early” would be “smart.” I’d love to see how “smart” he finds the man who may one day try this on his own daughter.

Regardless of what Tyga is said to feel about Kylie’s “maturity,” he has known her since she was a child. There is footage from the show of a then 14-year-old Kylie Jenner flirting with Tyga. That family can try to spin this all they’d like, but there’s something wrong with an adult man dating a teenager that he got closer to because his baby mama used to be BFFs with her older sister.

Unfortunately, none of this matters because TMZ highlights exactly why Tyga “doesn’t give a f*** about what the law says”: the police cannot do anything about it. They won’t investigate a statutory rape claim unless someone complains, and thus far, no one has. I wouldn’t expect Kylie’s mother to say anything ever. In her NYT mag profile, it is explained that Kris Jenner met her first husband, Robert Kardashian, when she was 17 while he was “a lawyer 11 years her senior.” This is probably the part in which people will counter, “See! See! It’s common.” What’s common and what’s right are not always intertwined.

Even so, as far as them being a couple, that is settled. That cannot be changed. What can and should, however, is how we collectively discuss their relationship.

Read the rest at VH1.

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Michelle Obama offered what may ultimately be considered the finest speech ever delivered by a First Lady last nite at the Democratic National Convention. Unfortunately, an alarming number of people appeared to miss much of what made it all so special because they were so engulfed in one of those “me, me, me” moments that blinded them from what was actually being said in favor of the recurring storyline playing in their heads. I joked about it yesterday on the Twitter, but heavens to Murgatroyd heterosexual Negroes of America, not everything is about you, your dating life, and your search for a Barack or Michelle to match your Michelle or Barack.

Speaking of that fantasy, if you watched Michelle’s speech yesterday and immediately though to revisit the same argument always brought up in some Black romantic comedy, you are nothing like Barack Hussein Obama or Michelle “Do you see these arms? Do you see this hair flowing? Get into this ensemble, dear!” Obama.

Not a single thing. Let’s make that clear. Like, the only thing you have in common with them is you, too, use soap and water to clean your body. Obviously, not the same brand, though.

I don’t have anything against breeders. My mother is a breeder, most of my friends are breeders, and the overall majority of you fine readers are breeders. However, there is something so strange to me about straight Black folks who never miss an opportunity to talk about why they’re single, what men and women do and don’t do, blah, blah, blah. This must be why the Washington Post and the New York Times along with Tyrese won’t leave y’all alone.


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Perhaps it’s just her on-air character I can’t stand. Or maybe she’s a lovely person when you meet her. Who am I kidding? The way she behaves on camera is very likely the way she is in “real life.” Suffice to say, I can’t stand Evelyn Lozada. She’s so mean and spiteful. I don’t find her to be that particularly entertaining — at least certainly not after the first season.

My favorite, Rich Juzwiak, wrote a piece on why she’s the reason to watch Basketball Wives. She certainly gives her all, but if anything, Evelyn is the reason why it’s becoming increasingly harder for me to continue watching this show. The previous season of Basketball Wives wasn’t all that great, but if the fourth season opener is any indication this season might not be something I want to indulge in week after week. Yeah, they’ll be fights on fights on fights, but these ladies seem like they’re gonna be trying far too hard on topping the outlandishness viewers saw on Love & Hip Hop. At the helm of this is the biggest shrew of the show.

Don’t get me wrong: I realize why she is the breakout star of the show. I understand that this genre of programming requires a villain, and again, she plays that role exceptionally well. Too well. Can she take a break? Why are you always pissed at somebody, Evilyn? Must you always be a bully? Don’t you ever get tired of being you? I suppose she’d respond to all of this with “hell motherfucking no, bitch” and/or “you a bum.” Or worse, she’s whine about “the haters” like most self-important folks who can’t stomach criticism. I blame y’all for encouraging her.

This includes many of my friends – and even select relatives – who all love themselves some Evelyn. I’ve heard varying reasons why — most of which center on her dressing nice and being funny. Meh.


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If you watch VH1’s Love & Hip Hop Rap & Relations, you saw Kimbella’s ass greet her old friend, the ground, once again following a track snatching themed brawl with one of her fellow reality personalities on the show. In Kim Vanderhee’s defense, she did precede that fall with a moving tribute to the fighting style (if you can call it that) of Evelyn Lozada. Her adversary this time was Erica Mena, another model who boasted of taking part in New York Fashion Week, hair care campaigns, and you know, other gigs that don’t involve ass cheeks and titty tantalizing. What’s that covering Kimbella’s light? Erica’s shade, of course.

While I’m not exactly Kimbella’s biggest fan given the way she opted to symbolically slap the taste out of Emily’s mouth with her sexual past (that includes Em’s baby daddy), this incident wasn’t her fault. She was being polite to that over eager beaver who came there with the sole intention of picking a fight with her as the cameras rolled. Then Emily had the nerve to call the laws after. To quote the great Pimp C, “You ain’t no pimp, you a fairy.”

If all of that weren’t bad enough, now this model turned aspiring singer is babbling to TMZ about how her appearance on The Real Housewives of Hip Hop has derailed her career. She told the site, “My whole image in my career is now affected by this. I wanted them to pull this clip because I don’t want to show this side of me.”

This is the same person who shook her breasts in the face of another woman during a business meeting. The same person who picked a fight and proceeded to threaten the woman on camera. See a pattern here? I bet the producers of this show did when the first interviewed her in casting. I imagine Erica was proud of her stunt up until she looked at her mentions on Twitter and realized more people prefer her showing her ass in a thong over showing it via a fight with Juelz Santana’s lady. Oh well. Her bad.

You would think she’d know how to act by now. According to my own mentions on Twitter, Erica used to work as an “employee” of Dash on Kourtney & Khloé Take Miami. And my friend Google filled me in on some of her modeling work:

Word to the wise, Erica: Telling Kimbella you’re on a higher level than her because you got to lay on your back for King while Kimbella tooted it up for Black Men is like someone munching on dark meat from Church’s Chicken telling me I’m not worth shit for ordering wings and shrimp fried rice from the hood carryout a few blocks up.

If your aim was to transition into singing you should’ve went on this show acting like the person Olivia refuses to be. You either let the producers gas you up or you should really retrace your K-12 education and figure out where your critical thinking went wrong. Whatever the issue is, it is your own. This show’s ratchet levels were just fine without you. If you want to go, please. In fact, your segment could’ve gone to Somaya Reece, who I noticed is complaining about much of her footage being left on the cutting room floor. I can’t blame her. I would want to have my story of crawling out of the attic chronicled, too. Wepa! Or you know, whatever “gon’ girl” means in Spanish.

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I don’t know a whole lot about Taylor Lautner. I tried watching one of those Twilight movies once, but I fell asleep about 20 minutes after it kicked off. I was full with the spirit of fried fish and bored out of my mind with the few moments of blandness I saw. You understand, right?

While I don’t know much about him as an actor, I am aware of his celebrity. I recall hearing something about Taylor’s diet and how it resulted in his 97 abs or something. If I remember correctly, though, it wasn’t legal to lust after him at the time so I went about my damn business. Since then I’ve seen him in a couple of interviews and realize that he’s been touted as the next Tom Cruise. I can see that albeit not for the reasons many would state on record. You know, allegedly or whatever.

Taylor has a rather, uh, jovial spirit and that tends to get some to wonder about where he chooses to hit his daddy stroke. Or be hit with the stroke, I suppose. That said, many didn’t seem to flinch when that fake People cover featuring him coming out of the closet spread across the Web. Even Russell Simmons fell for it, taking to Twitter to say he’s “proud of Taylor Lautner for his bravery and courage.” After someone alerted him to the truth, he quickly pulled his Rush Card to note: “Let Taylor Lautner be whoever he wants to be.”

That’s curious wording if I’ve ever seen it.

Be that as it may, folks need to stop being such assholes. I’m not a fan of outing people unless the person being outed is in a position of power to do gay people wrong. Say, the Republican dick enthusiasts dissected in the HBO documentary, Outrage. Or Bishop Play Daddy, Eddie Long. Those are people using their positions of power to hurt others while they suppress their natural urges. It’s not the same as actor playing a role on camera. Their jobs are to sell fantasies anyway, for the most part.

Does that mean I think Taylor is straight? I didn’t say all that, but I do think Taylor Daniel Lautner (I just hit Wikipedia, my goodness, what a wonderful full name he has) needs a break. He is 19. I believe I was still trying to force myself to masturbate to the images of women with the same level of interests as I did men back then. Shut up: the oversharing is in proper context. Curious wording or not, Russell is on to something: Let Taylor be who wants to be, especially in his own time.


Now, should Taylor know who he is already and would prefer not to divulge such facts at present moment he is more than welcome to contact me. I don’t mind signing a nondisclosure agreement. And he’s a burgeoning producer, optioning non fiction works for film projects. We are perfect for each other. I’m a little concerned that he was born in 1992, however considering all of the above plus that face, I have two words for him: Hey, boy.

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I don’t know much about cocaine. I’ve never seen it despite growing up around unlicensed pharmacists who sold it. I’m almost certain that I am one of maybe seven gay men who have never been offered the drug in the bathroom of a club. Suffice to say I know very little about the relations between fiend and pusher. Maybe I’m thinking too much of people who turn to the selling of illegal substances to make a living, but I expected coke retailers to exercise more restraint than this. You know, since disclosure agreements don’t seem like a realistic option in these sort of instances.

We already know Nippy can sniff all the way back to Spring 1987. Do we really need to know the specifics about what she used to do with her nostrils? I wish I had Dionne Warwick’s email address so I could send this to her and watch her call her goons to handle this failed drug dealer. If you watched Celebrity Apprentice earlier this year you know Dionne is an old school goonnette. I swear, I’d pay good money to see her and Cissy Houston slap the snitch out of this sum’bitch.

Y’all leave Whitney Houston the hell alone. Better yet, y’all leave Whitney Houston fans alone. We’re already traumatized that Whitney went from sounding like an angel to an angel’s colon after food poisoning. It’s simply cruel to be so graphic about how this came to pass.

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Even though the show was obviously secured through her celebrity, Toni Braxton has very little to do with why I watch Braxton Family Values. Don’t get me wrong. I love me some Toni Braxton and will continue to sing off key to “How Many Ways,” “Love Shoulda Brought You Home,” and “Always” whenever the spirit calls. But as a reality personality Toni is kind of dry. She’s gotten better, though I think the root of the issue has to do with her feigning shyness on camera. As you can tell from this clip, that quality isn’t limited to just her reality show.

Bless her heart for pretending like her inner slut is some imaginary friend who suffered a tragic fate not unlike a victim on Law & Order: SVU, but I’ve seen Toni Braxton’s tits and ass on multiple occasions for at least a decade now. In fact, her fixation with cooing and coochie popping has a lot to do with why her music has suffered over the years. Who exactly is she fooling? Never mind, there’s a bigger problem found in her interview with Chelsea Handler.


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Hear ye, hear ye: I hereby decree all doubters cease and desist efforts to draft Drake into the gay community. It is a waste of time because that Canadian is into coochie. No matter how persistent you are in arguing otherwise, it won’t change the fact that the man is into women exclusively. Case in point, this video being cited as “evidence” that Aubrey is into male ass play.


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