Me Being Nice

Do you all really think I hate everyone and everything?

Someone suggested such, but if you’re a long time reader you should know that is totally untrue. I like each of you for reading about all of the people who irritate me for whatever reason. And I like you even more if you agree with why I dislike whomever I’m talking about.

Kidding, well, not really, but I don’t mind if you post a discerning opinion on my site (hint, hint…some of you longtime readers).

Anyhow, just because I have something to say about someone in a given instance doesn’t mean I hate them at all. Granted, I am harsh in my criticism but that’s a reflection of my upbringing (cue the “woo, woo, woos”) not necessarily any particular contempt about a given celebrity, politician, or village idiot.

Now one legitimate criticism about me (hi, you) is that I never completely compliment the people I routinely jab at. When I have tried in the past I’ve noticed most people feel that it reads insincere. I can’t be mad at that because it often is.

So, I’ve decided to give myself a challenge: To offer some genuine level of praise to the ten most bashed people on this site.

That way no one can say all I do is clown these folks.

Some of them I like about as much as jock itch, others I don’t really have anything particular against. Ya’ll know I get at everyone – including myself – if I feel the urge to. Still, I’ve been mean to some people and THAT’S NOT NICE!

And on a blog called The Cynical Ones, shouldn’t kindness reign supreme?

OK, after you laugh at that question peep under the hood and watch me get my nice guy on:

Read the rest of this entry »

So She’s Not The Female Ray-J

While she may be a decent songwriter, Solange’s attitude has always irked the hell out of me. I’ll forever remember her stomping around Houston saying, “Do you know who I am?” at a time when Destiny’s Child was only a few years shy of being booed at No Limit concerts and still clamoring for mainstream popularity.

Delusions of grandeur aside, I think Solange deserves credit for making the effort to set herself a part from every other R&B video out there. She could have easily drove around the city, hit up a club, or walk around looking lost in a rented mansion in her video, but she instead opted for something more visually stimulating.

Initially, the song gave me strep throat when I first heard it. It sounded like the vocal arrangements were inspired by Harriet Winslow. But thanks to the video, I dig the song now.

I’m starting to think she’s about to make the album Beyonce wanted to make before “Work It Out” caught a brick. Solo still gets a bit carried away with her posturing “I’m an artist” shtick, but I’m a lot more curious about her project than I was before.

Someone do me one favor, though: Solange likes to put random words together and call it a song. Like “Wendy’s Absolut Disco Sun,” or “Wing Dinner With Fries” and “Corona Lime Love Fest.”

Can someone tell her to cut that freebasing shit out?

Good looking.

Teenage Love Affair

You might have picked up on this, but I’m not the biggest Alicia Please fan. But today, there will be no screeching cat pictures, nor will there be any pictures of Queen Latifah as Cleo in this Alicia Keys post. I’m taking a break to give props when they’re due. I like her new video. I think it’s dope. I liked School Daze, and this video serves as a good tribute to the one of the best Spike Lee joints. I would like to add that while I don’t always like the final product, I appreciate that Alicia tries to be creative with her video treatments versus the typical look at my lacefront, look at my lacefront, watch me coochie pop, watch me coochie pop videos that dominate R&B and hip hop videos these days. Having said that kudos to Alicia and her side eye for thinking outside of the fan and wig glue factory.

Now I Know

I believe I may have mentioned my thoughts on Rihanna once or twice on this blog. Something about her sounding like a goat; my desire to throw her on a boat back to Barbados; criticism of her often lackadaisical performances; her Lolita-esque sexually charged image. You know…the little things.

Over the past few months, though, my venom has subsided. I suppose I should admit that that for some entries, that move was forced. There was just something about her that irked the hell out of me, and I wasn’t very good of masking that.

As time passed on, though, I’ve acknowledged that I enjoyed her last album. But, I think it’s time that I get over myself and say it:

This chick is bad. I mean, just…fly. Stunning. Beautiful. Gorgeous. Cold. I’m this close to conceding that Rihanna is indeed that chick. Yes, that includes Beyonce. I love Beyonce (although not as freakishly stantastic as Kelly does) but I have to admit Beyonce hasn’t looked herself lately. She looks tired, or maybe I’m tired of seeing her so much. Either way, I wouldn’t be mad if I walked on the street and saw a random chick bust a black girl with piss-colored hair upside the head with her umbrella.

Don’t get me wrong, some of the same things that bothered me about Rihanna still do.

She bends over more than a gay prostitute…and between that and the whip and chain themes of her performances, I still find that to be a bit much for a 19-year-old.

But who cares. Look at her. She’s dope. She’ll grow into her S&M getup, I guess. You don’t have to like everything about an artist if you’re a fan. I’ve advised Beyonce to wear a muzzle, called the suburbanite out for her hood obsessions, bashed her choice to make videos themed after the mentally unstable, and so forth. So yeah, some things bother me about Rihanna, but not enough to contain my new found fandom for her.

Her voice doesn’t bother me as much as it used to (sans “Unfaithful,” which still swagger jacks Billy Goat Gruff), and I’m almost tempted to help her study for her citizenship exam should she wish to become an American. I get that most of her success can be attributed to her image, but hey, look at her! If you’re going to make everything about how you look, then you better be on point and make it work. She is. It does.

Bow down.

Pon de Challenge

My challenge – which I choose to accept – is to write a solely positive entry about one of the blog’s favorite targets: Rihanna.

Can I do it? I don’t know, I’ve been putting it off for a couple of weeks now. I am carefully watching each and every word I type just to make sure I don’t go off and write something like this or that.

A friend of mine is a Rihanna fan and swore that they would get me to like her. This entry is about as close to that goal as they will ever get.

Operation Love Bajan kicked off with a few of her songs being sent to me via IM. And by sending via IM, I mean, sending me a list and requiring me to purchase the tracks on iTunes. Of course.

Some of them were cool, others I won’t touch on as I’m striving for positivity. Ok, I’m lying. I liked all but one of them. I just didn’t want to admit that publicly.

This all occurred during the promotional build up for Rihanna’s third album, Good Girl Gone Bad.

I tried to hate “Umbrella,” but I eventually gave in. It’s a nice song. I really like yelling ‘ella-ella-ella, eh-eh-eh’ for no apparent reason. There, my first compliment.

Second compliment: I like her haircut. She looks a lot better with a shorter cut and with black hair. Moreover, her look this era has also been quite consistent. A lot more consistent than artists that I’m a fan of. Yes, that includes Beyonce. Love her, but last week I saw a picture of her looking like I Dream of Jeannie. Time for a break.

See that. I’m on a roll.

I even have a revelation to disclose: I like her album. There. I said it. Did I buy it? No. I almost did, though. Being stubborn and recalling what I said here, I slowly backed away from the disc at Target the day of its release. I should have went ahead and bought it. It’s a well produced album and a step in the right direction for her musically, should she chose to stick with this sound for future releases.

Have I mentioned an improvement in Rihanna’s on stage presence?

Wipe me down because I’m on.

I’m starting to run out of things to say, so I’m going to rely on one of my best qualities: shallowness.

Rihanna looks beautiful on this cover. It took me a minute to type that sentence, but I played “Say It” in my head, which made it a little easier.

She has great tattoos. Check me out. I am complimenting her from her head down to her feet. Is this not progress?

As for the main picture of this the entry, let me just say nouveau dominatrix wear is being slept on. And no, that is not a backhanded compliment. The leather looks…good…on…her.

I’ll admit, in the past I would threaten to call INS and request that her work visa be revoked, but I no longer feel that way. She can stay.

As for my friend, know that I really really tried with this entry. You know how I feel, yet look at what lengths I went to prove that I can change and be kind to her.

Say it.