I Need Answers

1. Was this performance a skit or did J.Lo mean to sound like a cat with throat cancer on purpose?

2. Although Wacka Flocka Flame might be telling the truth when he says he’s always reading, is it wrong to still think he talks like someone who only reads coloring books?

3. Why are people still denying Beyonce’s vocal ability in 2010?

4. Who else can’t wait until Alicia Keys goes back to soul light music?

5. As technologically breathtaking as it was did anyone else find themselves laughing while watching Avatar?

6. Toni Braxton still seems to be stuck on the sex kitten bit. Is she trying to be the Blanche Devereaux of R&B?

7. How much longer do we have to keep entertaining the Tea Party Movement?

8. Considering he’s about as hard as RuPaul with Melyssa Ford in his lap, isn’t it funny to see Omarion play a thug?

9. Is it safe to talk about how awful Wyclef has been sounding lately or do we still have to be polite and play deaf?

10. My mama has finally found me on Facebook. Has yours?

11. How did “How you doin’?” morph from a stereotypically way to call out gay men into daytime TV’s sweetest catch phrase?

12. Can the ground please stop moving?

13. Can the same be said of Quentin Tarantino’s tongue whenever he decides to start speaking in his “blaccent?”

14. Why won’t the mainstream press give black women a break?

15. Be honest: Have you been working on perfecting your Nicki Minaj impersonation, too?

16. How afraid should we all be about fast food restaurants now gleefully put huge posters that read “We accept EBT?”

17. Fellow Toyota customers, are you making this face, too?

18. Who else is over the cell phone pictures of celebrity crotches leaking to the Web fad?

19. When is the last time you’ve hit someone with the flex?

20. Are you happy that I’ve finally posted video evidence of me jiggin’?

Bonus: How did you discover The Cynical Ones? Just curious. =)

I Need Answers

1. Although entertaining, does anyone else ever stop and think, “Dear, God, please let this never happen to me at their age?” while watching Let’s Talk About Pep?

2. What does Ke$ha need more: Running water and soap or a court order to piss in a cup?

3. In hindsight, Kanye West had a point, didn’t he?

4. Why won’t Harold Ford let Harold Ford be great?

5. How long before Mathew Knowles’s rumored new daughter drops an album?

6. Is Ray J going to ever stop mentioning Kim Kardashian’s name?

7. Should Atlantic Records send Chris Brown and Usher flowers for making it possible for Trey Songz to finally blow up?

8. How long before Madonna asks Lady GaGa to play a game of True Blood?

9. Has anyone else perfected their Nicki Minaj accent yet?

10. Who else is happy for Mo’Nique?

11. What are the chances of her shaving her shins for the Oscar red carpet?

12. Are there no black people in Hollywood?

13. Is it fair to say that despite still sounding like a 5^th grader the majority of Cassie’s leaked tracks have been pretty good?

14. When is the last time you hit ‘em with the flex?

15. Who else wants to hit Grammy voters and show producers with GaGa’s hat?

P.S. Did Grace Jones teach her that pose?

16. Even though it’s good to know she still feels compelled to orbit into Earth every now and then for a check, who else expects a Bin Laden/Bush sex tape before a new Lauryn Hill album?

17. At this point is there even anyone left to give a reality show to?

18. Can someone get Joe Jackson a job at the Post Office so he can stop nagging his son’s lawyers to fill his piggy bank?

19. Doesn’t Matt Kemp seem like the type who would casually move Rihanna out of the way if she got in his paparazzi shot?

20. You are still telling many, many people and their cousins about this site, aren’t you?

I Need Answers

1. Did Tameka Raymond offer a few months worth of child support checks to anyone who leaked any tracks from the Raymond vs. Raymond sessions?

2. Speaking of Usher’s “new material,” I’ve noticed he’s still singing about cheating and being an eternal bachelor. By now isn’t it time he sing this tune to a therapist, preacher, or the man in the mirror?

3. Am I the only one not bothered by the use of the word Negro on the 2010 Census form?

4. Is Chingy seriously trying to release new music in 2010?

5. Why does that girl with the Jay Leno chin from Bad Girls Club think she runs LA because she hangs with Miles from Moesha?

6. Isn’t kind of sad how the prototype for most reality programs – The Real World – has turned into the genre’s biggest embarrassment?

7. She may need to read more books in order to stop calling everyone and their Hova a cult member, but that Tiffany Evans sure can sing, huh?

8. Is Chris Brown still whining?

9. Are you afraid?

10. Since he’s been depicted as both brute and hypersexual following his scandal, is anyone else hoping Tiger Woods is getting a long overdue lesson in the racial politics of America?

11. Instead of taking his suggestion, how about we purge the U.S. government of the xenophobic out of touch white men who implement the policies that give people the motivation to try and blow us up to begin with?

12. J.Lo’s still got it, but does anyone still want it?

13. Now that he’s squeezed it, can Matt Kemp take Rihanna’s ass somewhere out of the camera’s view so I won’t have to look at it every single day I get online?

14. Can The Boondocks not take an eternity (or two or three years, same difference) to return to us for the fourth season?

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15. ?

16. Hungry?

17. Where can I send Usher hate mail for giving us Justin Bieber?

18. Did anyone else giggle at the idea of Rihanna releasing a picture book – you know, since we’ve seen her inside and out all 2009?

19. Is it wrong that I’ve yet to still go see Avatar?

20. Got questions for me? Click here to ask them.

I Need Answers

1. Is it wrong that I don’t mind Brandy spitting hot fire (© Dylan)?

2. Does J.Lo realize the fall on her ass at the AMAs won’t hurt nearly as bad as the flip flop her album does on the charts?

3. Is Susan Boyle’s voice [that] Earth shattering or are people more stuck on the fact that something that sounded even remotely pretty came out of her mouth?

4. Either way, are you happy that someone without a lace front, Autotune, or rapper to donate 16 bars on a given track that doesn’t know how to cram their coochie in front of the camera sold so many units?

5. Anyone else now more concerned about Alicia Keys cheating on soul music than with Mashonda’s husband?

6. Can I get a show of hands about who’s been disappointed in President Obama lately?

7. Did someone bounce a check to Rihanna’s hair stylist?

8. Are my ears deceiving me or are the two and a half female rappers left all trying to rhyme like Nicki Minaj?

9. With word of cast members of The Real Housewives of New Jersey going to court over a weave snatching incident, who else is happy that the most hood edition of the series doesn’t involve the colored folk? (No shade, white people. Smile.)

10. Which do you think is harder: Lil’ Kim sticking to one face or Nicki Minaj choosing only one fake accent to speak/spit in?

11. Why do athletes and entertainers make it so easy for jump offs to come up?

12. If Usher drops one more weak leaked track should he just give it up and apply to be Chris Brown’s life coach?

13. Speaking of Chris Brown, since he can’t seem to stop talking about “the incident” with the press, how long before he starts giving interviews to high school newspaper editors and Girl Scouts?

14. Is this Mario and/or J.Holiday’s future?

15. Couldn’t Jay Leno be Khloe Kardashian’s father?

16. Does it even matter now that Justin Timberlake wants to express “regret” for not being there for Janet after the Superbowl controversy five years after the fact?

17. Can someone explain to me what the hell a Tila Tequila is and why it still gets any sort of media attention?

18. Describe the relationship between Mo’Nique and your ear drums.

19. What’s Al thinking in this picture?

20. Why does everyone and their color blind mama think they’re a stylist these days?

Twenty For Play

1. Now that she’s purchased two new friends & threw on a freakum dress, has Amy Winehouse turned into the same girls she roasted in “Fuck Me Pumps?”

2. Why won’t someone break Chris Brown’s modem and phone for his own good?

3. Why do I actually feel a little bad for the guy?

4. Who told Rihanna this hair pops?

5. If Britney won’t dance should she just have a seat?

6. Why won’t Mo’Nique stop screaming at me?

7. So who’s going to tell 50 Cent that he’s going out like Ja Rule?

8. Whatever happened to Alexyss Tylor?

9. How is she allowed to roam the streets freely?

10. So dreams really do come true?

11. Should Amerie create a “Why R U (The 1 Stealing My Budget)” remix dedicated to Rihanna?

12. Can Nicki Minaj pick one accent and stick with it?

13. In what century will America realize that Afghanistan is an empire killer?

14. Given the fact that her book dropped lower than she used to on video sets, how long before Karrine Steffans goes back to slurpin’ for book sales?

15. Is there some sort of relevant celebrity boycott of The Wendy Williams Show? She didn’t talk that much noise in her radio days, did she?

16. What in the hell is a Wacka Flocka?

17. Are black Republicans ever going to stop whining about being black Republicans?

18. If people hate perpetuating stereotypes about blacks in film why do so many of Tyler Perry’s critics like the movie Precious?

19. If you were Conan O’Brien, would you hate Jay Leno?

20. Which is easier to get: A reality show or food stamps?

Tell Me (Said w/ a Dru Hill Jump)

1. What in the fuck did she just say?

2. Why can Fabolous top the charts on Twitter but not Billboard?

3. Why would anyone want to read 400 pages of Sarah Palin talking about herself?

4. Why does it look like they almost forgot to include Lamar Odum in the shot?

5. Should I be happy that isn’t an Obama Liquor Store or an Obama Fried Chicken franchise?

6. Does blame on GM’s closure of Saturn fall on Moesha Mitchell?

7. Did you get the slight urge to hit him after watching this?

8. When will Whitney Houston fans admit that it’s not all Bobby Brown’s fault?

9. Why does Britney Spears have one let alone two greatest hits collections?

10. Who else misses this ‘first beginning’ version of Keyshia Cole?

11. When did Eddie Griffin get a reality show and why?

12. Why didn’t any of ya’ll tell me about The Noisettes?

13. Will skinny jeans cause a nationwide shortage of Black sperm?

KELLY__ROWLAND OK. So, I’m at the MoBo’s and getting ready to have a GREAT show with David and the MoBo’s F’d my sound up!!!!! PISSED!!!!!

KELLY__ROWLAND HONESTLY, that just makes me work harder! But, what I will say is the MoBo’s owe me an apology!!!! I was LIVID after the show!

KELLY__ROWLAND I wanted you guys to be the 1st to hear it from me! rehearsals. were fine. soundcheck. was fine. performance, wad a struggle at 1st

KELLY__ROWLAND But, I got through it!!!!!!!! So—–It happens! The next show will be Better!——–TRUST!!!!!!!!!

14. But doesn’t she always sound like that?

15. Finish this sentence: If I were this dress in public I would be called _________?

16. Why won’t you all let Oprah’s long, flowing and real hair be great?

17. Anyone else waiting for Alicia Keys to cover “Woman to Woman?”

18. Is he serious?

19. Instead of spending $100 million on trying to get the 2016 Olympics, can the city of Chicago boost their school budgets so we might not have to see videos of children being beaten to death on the street anymore?

20. Is it a requirement for celebrities to join Twitter and undo all of the work of their publicists?

I Know You Know

1. When Trey Songz said his new album was his Off The Wall, did you stop and wonder was he Off His Meds?

2. Why is Ciara (the one with actual talent) becoming known as the assistant/friend/hanger oner of a woman who does nothing?

3. Speaking of Kim Kardashian’s beautiful self, she would make an appearance at the opening of a door if invited, wouldn’t she?

4. When Wendy Williams looks at the list of booked guests for her talk show, do you think she asks “Who the hell are these people?!” like the rest of us?

I Wanna Know

1. What part of there will never be another Michael Jackson does this lil’ ‘Tussin-abusing critter monster and others not get?

2. And since only a week ago did Baby’s lip masseuse call the Kang of Pop a fag, does that mean Weezy wants to meet Chris somewhere over the rainbow?

3. Are we really recording songs called “Whip It Like A Slave” now?

4. Since Aubrey’s re-recording Eddie Murphy “classics” like “Party All The Time,” is anyone down for running around with me in the clouds screaming, whatzupwitu?

5. Is it safe to call Kanye West a trendsetter now?

6. If you’re Eminem, are you more jealous of Nick Cannon or Mariah Carey’s hand?

7. Go three minutes in then tell me why do women like hip-hop again?

8. When is someone going to sit Shad down and explain to him that he’s essentially the 00s answer to Kris Kross, and that he might want to go get a sitcom?

9. What happened to the days where you had to shave your beard before put your heels on?

10. If someone broke into your home and stuck a gun in your face, would you go back to bragging about your material possessions on the internet?

11. Why do I feel like this is gonna be Rihanna in thirty years (if she’s lucky)?

12. Speaking of Rihanna, can we please stop taking pictures of her doing absolutely nothing?

13. Should we all chip in and get Jermaine a magic marker?

14. Who else saw this picture and thought, “Coke and Diet Coke?”

15. What kind of magic wand does photographer Rob Ector own?

16. Why is everyone going in on Rocsi lately? Did she mess with your man, too?

17. If your only claim to fame prior to your well received mixtape was a character known as “Wheelchair Jimmy,” wouldn’t you of all people know to sit your ass down when a doctor tells you to?

18. Will these G-listers on Twitter whining about people “hating” on them ever shut their happy asses up?

19. Can someone explain the origin of Nicki Minaj’s accent please?

20. Have you gotten in your morning jig today?