I Need Answers

1. Does anyone else now have a greater appreciation for Britney Spears’ performance at the 2007 MTV Video Music Awards?

2. Why is The Game aggressively humping on this girl like he’s hopped up on Viagra and True Blood?

3. Would anyone be surprised if he turned out to be a repressed bottom?

4. Can someone let the music artists of today know that not everyone needs a mixtape?

5. Isn’t so nice to see LeToya getting along with both Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams?

6. How can people continue to deny Nicki Minaj?

7. Didn’t NeNe tell people to close their legs to married men?

8. As much as I’d love for that pathetic, sad whore, Kat Stacks to go away, wouldn’t another person just like her pop up 20 minutes after she vanished?

9. Speaking of that celebrity cum catcher, if Kat Stacks could actually form a coherent sentence she would be a New York Times best-selling author now, huh?

10. Was this song particularly created for Dallas, New Orleans, and Detroit because I can’t think of anyone else this geeked about Coogi?

11. Is Katy Perry to Lady GaGa what Ashanti once was to Beyonce?

12. Are ya’ll up on K. Michelle yet?

13.  Doesn’t Bobby Valentine look ready to go pride weekend cruising in Atlanta?

14. Can you believe that this is really the last season of The Oprah Winfrey Show?

15. Instead of putting out bullshit campaign ads that no one with a clue actually takes seriously, shouldn’t BP use that money for their paltry clean up efforts?

16. But why does that Justin Bieber with Kanye & Raekwon kind of knock, though?

17. Who’s going to convince T.I. or Chris Brown to hire a speech coach before each does their next movie?

18. How much longer will President Obama keep up this ‘too cool’ temperament act up before he realizes it often does more harm than good?

19. Can Betty White stay with us forever?

20. How often do you go on a celebrity blog and say to yourself, “Who in the fuck are these people?!”

I Need Answers

1. Isn’t Lady GaGa pop music’s answer to Black Israelites? You know, willing to do and say anything to get you to stop and listen to her?

2. Who else hates being referred to by their Twitter name in public?

3. How much longer do we have before they commit Foxy Brown’s crazy ass?

4. What qualifies Wyclef Jean to be president of a country?

5. Anyone else reserving giddiness over this Lauryn Hill “comeback” out of fear she’ll return to Saturn by mid-October?

6. Do any of you even remember Christina Aguilera’s album anymore?

7. No, really why do people like “Pretty Boy Swag?”

8. When is Beyoncé coming back to me already?

9.Does anyone give a damn about the marital statuses of Chelsea Clinton and Bristol Palin?

10. Why is Nelly still even trying to release music?

11. Unless Justin Bieber is sharing the gut-wrenching tale of how Ellen DeGeneres’ secret semen led to his creation, what can you really learn from his pending memoir?

12. Aren’t Chad Ochocinco and Terrell Owens the Bobby and Whitney of reality TV?

13. Will I ever get Nicki Minaj to sign my clavicle?

14. How about someone hurry and introduce Britney Spears to a quick weave?

15. With news that a 20-year-old man dumb ass killed his 17-month old son for “acting like a girl,” when will it seep into folks’ skulls that black hypermasculinity is dangerous?

16. Don’t we already have several shows that fit the description of The Real Babymamas of Atlanta? Do we need another?

17. I’m never going to stop saying, “I think I’m Big Meech, Larry Hoover,” am I?

18. So people really don’t care about the white dress rule at weddings anymore, huh?

19. Did Usher basically just remake “OMG” and “Lil’ Freak” with his two new singles?

20. In the spirit of Nicki Minaj, I’m speaking in a fake accent at least three times a week. Any suggestions?

I Need Answers

1.  Lil’ Kim’s birthday just passed. Have you paid homage?

2. Doesn’t Kourtney Kardashian’s boyfriend, Scott, look like an 80s villain from Revenge of the Nerds?

3. What the hell is a Dez and why should I care if Mario is (sadly) using it for attention?

4. Has anyone else been disappointed with the final season of The Boondocks?

5. How long before Mel Gibson announces that he’s going to rehab to seek treatment for being a racist and misogynistic jackass?

6. At this rate, would anyone be surprised if McDonalds came up with a new dance to promote a Big Mac?

7. So no one wants to tell Ciara that she needs to give Jazze Phae a call?

8. Is it me or are the strangest things in life always found in a public restroom?

9. Shouldn’t “Make Up Bag” be the national anthem for dontdatehimgirl.com?

10. Is this the new one-stop shop (shout out to New Orleans)?

11. Can we send both the Tea Party and the “new” Black Panthers to some island far, far away from every facet of the media?

12. One day people are going to realize quasi-fame doesn’t necessarily pave the way to a check, right?

13. Does Jesus have to hop on Jay’s next album to convince folks that he’s not apart of some devil worshipping secret task force?

14. Speaking of the Illuminati, given the state of Rihanna’s American tour, is Satan mad at her?

15.  Although the vultures are still swarming around the headquarters of the four major record labels, album wise has 2010 been an OK year in music?

16. Are ya’ll serious with “Pretty Boy Swag?”

17. Even though it’s clearly blown up in her face, why were people so willing to make fun of Mary J. Blige for wanting to go to school?

18. Would people realize that not everything is a sign of the Apocalypse?

19. Are any of the words that come out of Roscoe Dash’s mouth English?

20. Have you supported the wonderful writer and super sweet, Aliya S. King by purchasing her debut novel, Platinum, yet?

I Need Answers

1. Is Keys supposed to be hip-hop’s answer to Yolanda Saldivar?

2. How does one insult another for being a slut and then pose with Lil’ Kim while rocking the Sonny Bono?

3. Is it me or is Ciara really coming back with the heat?

4. Why can’t Britney Spears of all people get a good sew in?

5. How long before Chris Hansen rolls up on the people jocking Lil’ Romeo?

6. Wouldn’t it be best for Whitney Houston to sit down until she can get a sizable fracture of her vocal talent back?

7. Isn’t it way too easy to figure out when a reality show sidekick is doing the most on-air for a spin-off?

8. Where is the video for Monica’s second single?

9. Can your 60-year-old granny throw her legs back like that?

10. Can Queen Latifah take a break from romantic comedies and give us a good action film?

11. Who else has never watched Twilight?

12. Why won’t Chris Brown let Chris Brown be great?

13. Will Miley Cyrus sit her little hot ass down until she’s at least 18?

14. Is there anything lamer than adding a check to your Twitter name to fake verified status?

15. Shouldn’t the first play date between Mashonda and Alicia Keys’ kids be recorded?

16. Has it ever seen odd to you that people who live cities with rats the size of LeBron James have the nerve to utter the phrase, “Dirty South?”

17. Can someone give homegirl something to do?

18. Why do people keep killing celebrities on Twitter?

19. When will folks stop acting like Drake is giving hip-hop estrogen shots?

Disclaimer: The last question is not safe for work.

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I Need Answers

1. Whatever happened to Aubrey O’Day’s reality show?

2. We’re not really supposed to take the idea of Nicki Minaj and Rick Ross becoming the new Lil’ Kim and Biggie seriously, are we?

3. Why do I get the feeling that 20 years from now Toni Braxton will be wearing this same cat suit in red?

4. Is it safe to say that the Marley’s aren’t afraid to pimp the name for profit?

5. Why is Lil’ Kim starting to sound like Nicki Minaj?

6. Aren’t you happy Kelly Rowland has finally found a sound that works for her?

7. Whose bright idea was it to have Chris Brown perform the national anthem at a boxing match?

8. How likely is it that somewhere right now there’s an A&R executive trying to groom his replacement?

9. Is anyone actually surprised that Rihanna’s domestic tour isn’t selling?

10. Wouldn’t it be nice if the third and seemingly final season of The Boondocks actually get some promotion?

11. For those mad about the constant comparisons between Christina Aguilera and Lady GaGa, shouldn’t they be mad at Christina herself for publicly dissing her after obviously copying her?

12. Based on her reality show, is it safe to say that not even Barack Obama holding Jesus’ credit card stands a chance with Chilli?

13. Paul Wall recently told XXL that he was raised to be an individual, being white didn’t define who he was and that he doesn’t “carry himself as a white person.” Isn’t that a white thing to say?

14. Don’t you wish Captain Planet would bitch slap the people responsible for the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico?

15. Are we ever going to see the video for “Put It In A Love Song?”

16. Why didn’t Whitney Houston’s label give he more time to prep for her world tour?

17. Anyone else in need of a new Keyshia Cole album?

18. Is there anyone left without a reality show?

19. Has Facebook turned into MySpace with better games?

20. Whose new album will we hear first: Lauryn Hill, D’Angelo, or Miss Piggy’s musical tribute to Louis Farrakhan?

I Need Answers

1. Does he know he’d be perfect if he shaved that Afro around his belly button?

2. Speaking of Trey Songz, can he dead this beef with R. Kelly and leap off his dick before it pisses on him?

3. When will these male athletes learn to send messages to their sideline pieces by bird messengers?

4. Where are all of these random talent-deficient black male pop one hit wonders coming from?

5. April Fool’s?

6. Is this your brain on drugs?

7. Are they booing Miss Keri Baby?

8. Is leaking a picture of your dick a requirement in College Hill contracts?

9. Before I try to start an arts and crafts project, this is not OK, right?

10. Can someone inform their area hood Chinese spot that there ain’t nothing like the real thing?

11. Are you really a sex addict or just a hoe?

12. Is pinkie an innie or an outtie?

13. Bow Wow made a sexually-themed Auto-Tune cover of “Window Seat.” Why won’t he accept his status at the new Kriss Kross and become another Will Smith already?

14. Can we wait for For Colored Girls to actually be released (or even filmed, for that matter) before we rip it shreds?

15. Is the video for “Put It In A Love Song” ever coming out?

16. Are we taking Toya Carter seriously as a rapper?

17. If you’re going to call someone a socialist, shouldn’t you be able to spell it?

18. Even though most people could’ve guessed Ricky Martin might be gay, wouldn’t it have been nice to let him have his moment without the sarcasm and stereotypes?

19. Now that we’ve laughed, sighed, and said a prayer inside on her behalf, can we seen Kat Stacks to irrelevant island?

20. Is “groupthink” the new term to be beaten to death?

I Need Answers

1. Was this performance a skit or did J.Lo mean to sound like a cat with throat cancer on purpose?

2. Although Wacka Flocka Flame might be telling the truth when he says he’s always reading, is it wrong to still think he talks like someone who only reads coloring books?

3. Why are people still denying Beyonce’s vocal ability in 2010?

4. Who else can’t wait until Alicia Keys goes back to soul light music?

5. As technologically breathtaking as it was did anyone else find themselves laughing while watching Avatar?

6. Toni Braxton still seems to be stuck on the sex kitten bit. Is she trying to be the Blanche Devereaux of R&B?

7. How much longer do we have to keep entertaining the Tea Party Movement?

8. Considering he’s about as hard as RuPaul with Melyssa Ford in his lap, isn’t it funny to see Omarion play a thug?

9. Is it safe to talk about how awful Wyclef has been sounding lately or do we still have to be polite and play deaf?

10. My mama has finally found me on Facebook. Has yours?

11. How did “How you doin’?” morph from a stereotypically way to call out gay men into daytime TV’s sweetest catch phrase?

12. Can the ground please stop moving?

13. Can the same be said of Quentin Tarantino’s tongue whenever he decides to start speaking in his “blaccent?”

14. Why won’t the mainstream press give black women a break?

15. Be honest: Have you been working on perfecting your Nicki Minaj impersonation, too?

16. How afraid should we all be about fast food restaurants now gleefully put huge posters that read “We accept EBT?”

17. Fellow Toyota customers, are you making this face, too?

18. Who else is over the cell phone pictures of celebrity crotches leaking to the Web fad?

19. When is the last time you’ve hit someone with the flex?

20. Are you happy that I’ve finally posted video evidence of me jiggin’?

Bonus: How did you discover The Cynical Ones? Just curious. =)

I Need Answers

1. Although entertaining, does anyone else ever stop and think, “Dear, God, please let this never happen to me at their age?” while watching Let’s Talk About Pep?

2. What does Ke$ha need more: Running water and soap or a court order to piss in a cup?

3. In hindsight, Kanye West had a point, didn’t he?

4. Why won’t Harold Ford let Harold Ford be great?

5. How long before Mathew Knowles’s rumored new daughter drops an album?

6. Is Ray J going to ever stop mentioning Kim Kardashian’s name?

7. Should Atlantic Records send Chris Brown and Usher flowers for making it possible for Trey Songz to finally blow up?

8. How long before Madonna asks Lady GaGa to play a game of True Blood?

9. Has anyone else perfected their Nicki Minaj accent yet?

10. Who else is happy for Mo’Nique?

11. What are the chances of her shaving her shins for the Oscar red carpet?

12. Are there no black people in Hollywood?

13. Is it fair to say that despite still sounding like a 5^th grader the majority of Cassie’s leaked tracks have been pretty good?

14. When is the last time you hit ‘em with the flex?

15. Who else wants to hit Grammy voters and show producers with GaGa’s hat?

P.S. Did Grace Jones teach her that pose?

16. Even though it’s good to know she still feels compelled to orbit into Earth every now and then for a check, who else expects a Bin Laden/Bush sex tape before a new Lauryn Hill album?

17. At this point is there even anyone left to give a reality show to?

18. Can someone get Joe Jackson a job at the Post Office so he can stop nagging his son’s lawyers to fill his piggy bank?

19. Doesn’t Matt Kemp seem like the type who would casually move Rihanna out of the way if she got in his paparazzi shot?

20. You are still telling many, many people and their cousins about this site, aren’t you?

I Need Answers

1. Did Tameka Raymond offer a few months worth of child support checks to anyone who leaked any tracks from the Raymond vs. Raymond sessions?

2. Speaking of Usher’s “new material,” I’ve noticed he’s still singing about cheating and being an eternal bachelor. By now isn’t it time he sing this tune to a therapist, preacher, or the man in the mirror?

3. Am I the only one not bothered by the use of the word Negro on the 2010 Census form?

4. Is Chingy seriously trying to release new music in 2010?

5. Why does that girl with the Jay Leno chin from Bad Girls Club think she runs LA because she hangs with Miles from Moesha?

6. Isn’t kind of sad how the prototype for most reality programs – The Real World – has turned into the genre’s biggest embarrassment?

7. She may need to read more books in order to stop calling everyone and their Hova a cult member, but that Tiffany Evans sure can sing, huh?

8. Is Chris Brown still whining?

9. Are you afraid?

10. Since he’s been depicted as both brute and hypersexual following his scandal, is anyone else hoping Tiger Woods is getting a long overdue lesson in the racial politics of America?

11. Instead of taking his suggestion, how about we purge the U.S. government of the xenophobic out of touch white men who implement the policies that give people the motivation to try and blow us up to begin with?

12. J.Lo’s still got it, but does anyone still want it?

13. Now that he’s squeezed it, can Matt Kemp take Rihanna’s ass somewhere out of the camera’s view so I won’t have to look at it every single day I get online?

14. Can The Boondocks not take an eternity (or two or three years, same difference) to return to us for the fourth season?

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15. ?

16. Hungry?

17. Where can I send Usher hate mail for giving us Justin Bieber?

18. Did anyone else giggle at the idea of Rihanna releasing a picture book – you know, since we’ve seen her inside and out all 2009?

19. Is it wrong that I’ve yet to still go see Avatar?

20. Got questions for me? Click here to ask them.

I Need Answers

1. Is it wrong that I don’t mind Brandy spitting hot fire (© Dylan)?

2. Does J.Lo realize the fall on her ass at the AMAs won’t hurt nearly as bad as the flip flop her album does on the charts?

3. Is Susan Boyle’s voice [that] Earth shattering or are people more stuck on the fact that something that sounded even remotely pretty came out of her mouth?

4. Either way, are you happy that someone without a lace front, Autotune, or rapper to donate 16 bars on a given track that doesn’t know how to cram their coochie in front of the camera sold so many units?

5. Anyone else now more concerned about Alicia Keys cheating on soul music than with Mashonda’s husband?

6. Can I get a show of hands about who’s been disappointed in President Obama lately?

7. Did someone bounce a check to Rihanna’s hair stylist?

8. Are my ears deceiving me or are the two and a half female rappers left all trying to rhyme like Nicki Minaj?

9. With word of cast members of The Real Housewives of New Jersey going to court over a weave snatching incident, who else is happy that the most hood edition of the series doesn’t involve the colored folk? (No shade, white people. Smile.)

10. Which do you think is harder: Lil’ Kim sticking to one face or Nicki Minaj choosing only one fake accent to speak/spit in?

11. Why do athletes and entertainers make it so easy for jump offs to come up?

12. If Usher drops one more weak leaked track should he just give it up and apply to be Chris Brown’s life coach?

13. Speaking of Chris Brown, since he can’t seem to stop talking about “the incident” with the press, how long before he starts giving interviews to high school newspaper editors and Girl Scouts?

14. Is this Mario and/or J.Holiday’s future?

15. Couldn’t Jay Leno be Khloe Kardashian’s father?

16. Does it even matter now that Justin Timberlake wants to express “regret” for not being there for Janet after the Superbowl controversy five years after the fact?

17. Can someone explain to me what the hell a Tila Tequila is and why it still gets any sort of media attention?

18. Describe the relationship between Mo’Nique and your ear drums.

19. What’s Al thinking in this picture?

20. Why does everyone and their color blind mama think they’re a stylist these days?