Thou Shalt Not Slut-Shame My Favorite Singer

Beyoncé recently posted a photo of herself on Instagram wearing a sweatshirt emblazoned with the question, “Can I live?” Can you blame her? The backlash against her after it was revealed that she lip-synched the national anthem at President Barack Obama’s inauguration last week has been swift and brutal. And it seems to be neverending.

The Root‘s political correspondent Keli Goff argued in a recent blog post titled “The Real Reason Critics Target Beyoncé” that Knowles is known more for her skills as an entertainer than for her singing, and that her use of the prerecorded track should come as no surprise. Beyoncé is really getting all the flack, Goff writes, because she was not an appropriate choice for an inauguration singer due to her “hypersexualized persona” and her Pepsi endorsement deal. Goff’s not alone — the Internet has been dotted with similar criticism, ranging from knocks on Beyoncé’s vocal talent to suggestions that she was never the right choice to grace the inaugural stage.

Let’s get these misconceptions straight once and for all.

When I read arguments that Beyoncé’s talent is confined within the limits of her onstage shimmy, I often question whether those stressing that fallacy are arguing it from 2003 — before she formally shoved Destiny’s Child to the side to launch her solo career.

Fair enough if songs such as “Love on Top” — at the end of which she breezes through four key changes — and “Speechless” never made it to your iPod, but the perception that Beyoncé isn’t celebrated as one of the premiere vocalists of her generation is one that only exists to those who haven’t been paying attention. A cheap nonstory about Beyoncé singing over a track of her own voice doesn’t alter that fact. And make no mistake — if she does it again this weekend for her halftime performance at the Super Bowl, the fact will remain that her vocal ability is just as celebrated as her value as an entertainer.

The premiere vocalists of the generation before her – Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey – have each praised Beyoncé as a singer. The same can be said of other legends, such as Diana Ross, Stevie Wonder, Prince, and Bette Midler, and of her contemporaries, such as Alicia Keys, Emeli Sandé, Monica, Justin Timberlake and Leona Lewis. You can add Madonna, Lauryn Hill, Martha McBride, Björk, Plácido Domingo and White Rabbits, too. Throw inAmerican Idol judge Randy Jackson, The X-Factor judge Simon Cowell and celebrated songwriter Diane Warren.

Read the rest of the essay at The Root.

Plus: Check out my essay for Ebony.com, “Why Are Texas Schoolchildren Being Taught ‘the Curse of Ham?”

Let Brother Coca Cola Find You Love

By now you’ve come to hear stories chronicling how Notre Dame linebacker Manti Te’o is either a cynical, sinfully ambitious media whore or a bumbling idiot who should’ve taken his socially awkward self to ChristianMingle.com if he was about that online dating life. Both angles are entertained in this week’s celebrity roundtable where celebrity relationship advice experts such as Steve Harvey and reality stars like Tami Roman, who has had relationships with professional athletes, offer Te’o some advice on the best way to seek companionship post-controversy.

Steve Harvey: Nobody is going into a relationship that looks like it’s nothing but trouble. That’s normally what I tell the women, who for one reason or another, watched The Steve Harvey Show on the WB and thought, “Yeah, that brother knows a whole lot about love! Let me buy his book.” But in this instance, the same rules apply. Women are going to look at Te’o and think, “That’s not good.” So I say, it’s time to get rid of your baggage. Donate it to Goodwill, if you can.

Tami Roman: First of all, that’s some bull. Women are not going to look at Manti Make Believe and say, “Oh, girl, I can’t date him. He’s got baggage.” They’re going to think,  “well, he’s still going to get drafted.” Well, a certain type of woman anyway. He can have all the baggage he wants; they’ll be too busy thinking about the Louis Vuitton baggage they’re going to buy with his NFL and dating site endorsement money.

Steve Harvey: So you don’t think he needs to get himself together first?

Tami Roman: Oh hell yes. I didn’t say he wasn’t a damn fool, I’m just saying that’s not going to stop him from getting girls. Not that I really believe him for a minute. What kind of college football player you know, that doesn’t know how to get girls? Better yet, what man in 2013 into meeting chicks from the Internet doesn’t know about Skype, Oovoo, Instagram, Facetime, and Gchat with video?

Steve Harvey: You got me there. It’s very simple, really. How many times does a person have to say “My camera broke” before you begin to wonder whether you’ve been Catfished with a side of yams and macaroni and cheese?

Read the rest at The Shadow League.

Beyoncé and Thirst Bucket Journalism

Like Anderson Cooper, who is the vanilla spice latte to my caramel macchiato, soy with sugar-free vanilla sweetener, my nerves were also on swole following the manufactured controversy his network has since christened “Beyoncé-gate.” There are only so many varying ways to say to the simpletons and sensationalists “I hate you, Jody,” but thankfully, I have a troubled childhood and a silver medal in shade (we can always be better) that helps in moments such as these.

Please, please get into my latest column for “The Weekly Read” over at EBONY.com entitled “To Those Baffled Over Beyoncé.” Part of this is just your garden variety Beytheists being typical losers, but it’s more so the 24-hour news cycle that’s at fault. Hate it all with me by clicking here, why don’t you?

It’s A Party

Can you remember the last time you’ve watched American Idol regularly after Ruben Studdard and Fantasia Barrino won? Well, after watching Jennifer Lopez the first few episodes in which those missing at least three of their senses foolishly try to sing? Yeah, I can’t either, but with the additions of Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey, Idol has become must see TV – even for other stars.

In this week’s roundtable, the stars bring the wings, the drinks, and let the shade pour for a star-studded viewing party of American Idol’s 12^th season opener.

Ashanti: No disrespect to Nicki Minaj, but I don’t understand why she’s there. She’s been a big star for like four minutes and at least two of them were singing all off key. Who is she about to counsel on the makings of a star?

John Legend: Well, will you look at that? If I had known Ashanti was going to bring the pot to the party, I would’ve made sure I had a kettle delivered.

Mary J. Blige: I see someone’s upset their singing career is stuck at the intersection of You Tried Blvd. and Yet, It’s Still Over Lane.

John Legend: Aww, baby.

Rob Kardashian: Ooh, baby.

Ashanti: Hold up. Who let the Unemployed Kardashian in? Or better yet, how were you able to steal Bruno Mars’ invitation? Shouldn’t you be somewhere singing “One Last Cry” over that Rita Ora chick?

Nas: Let’s focus on the show, y’all.

Mary J. Blige: Yo, why did the show take 10 minutes to get to the auditions? It’s already two hours, no need to stretch it out and make it feel even longer.

Rob Kardashian: What’s the matter, Mary? You got some crispy chicken waiting for you in the oven?

Mary J. Blige: Dude, try me again and you’ll be auditioning for a paramedic’s care and attention.

Brandy: This show is way more interesting than sitting around waiting to see if Britney Spears is gonna have a panic attack on X-Factor.

Read the rest at The Shadow League.

First Read

So I have a new column over at EBONY.com called “The Weekly Read.” Apparently, I’m a shady individual and there’s a market for that. I kid, I realize I am my mother’s son. Anywho, my first target is a familiar one around these parts: Ciara. Look, believe it or not, I want her to win, but she doesn’t want herself to win! Therefore, the shade is excusable. That’s how it works.

Here’s a smidgen of it:

Hey, Ciara!

Long time, no hit. Wait, that’s not right. I need you to know I’m writing this with the best intentions. So before you feel like you need to grab a flashlight to finish reading this, let’s get to the positives about you.

You’re pretty. I haven’t seen your weave look bad since your first royalty check was cashed. That’s awesome. You’re flexible, which is an attribute that’s all too important to maintain in this sluggish economy. Plus, “Goodies” and all its blue-balls promoting glory will never not be hot.

And of course, you’re a survivor. You not gon’ give up. You gon’ work harder. Now whether you’re going to make it musically is the matter at hand and point of this piece.

Seriously, CiCi, you’ve got rhythm, but you continue to show us that you don’t have the music. Let’s take your most recent leaked song to the Web, “Wake Up, Turn Up.” First, as a native of Atlanta, why are you two years behind a trend started within your city limits? Be the change and help turn down “turn up” already.

Moving on, have you noticed not many people are talking about the track since it was leaked? Obviously, more people would be more interested in hearing Justin Timberlake’s new ode to music that gets middle-aged Black parents two-stepping in the hole in the wall clubs of America, but why is Kenya Moore getting more life off her fake-Fergie track, “Gone With The Wind Fabulous” than you are off yours?

How did this happen with so many of the right ingredients? You get Future to write you lyrics for a Mike Will Made It Track and it still comes across as “Pour It Up’s” less-attractive sister. Sis, that is like asking Jesus to bless your meal made by St. Joseph and everyone still ends up with food poisoning the next day. Did you piss off some voodoo-doing Creole in New Orleans?

Read the column in full at EBONY.com. 

I’m going to feel guilty about this because I was raised Catholic, but I’m going to keep doing it because many Catholics are shady as hell (as are other sects, so don’t try it) and sometimes can’t decide whether their guilt is justifiable  so they keep going. Amen.

On Colin Powell Trying To Make Sense To The Dense

Former Secretary of State and retired four-star general in the United States Army Colin Powell, own his own accord, used his appearance on this past Sunday’s edition of “Meet the Press” to send a message to his political party: End your “dark vein of intolerance” or ultimately face the same fate as Karl Kani jeans in 2013.

Powell offered numerous examples of the racially charged language employed by members of his party, including the use of terms like “lazy” to describe President Barack Obama’s performance in the first presidential debate of 2012 and that “shuck and jive” quip former Alaskan governor and perpetual village idiot Sarah Palin made via Twitter. Not only did he offer specifics, the 75-year-old statesman who at one point had the chance of becoming the nation’s first Black president in 1996, provided a history lesson on why these terms are offensive.

There have been others equally guilty, say ex-Mississippi governor Haley Barbour who in the past spoke highly of White separatist groups, which prompted Powell to declare to “Meet the Press” host David Gregory, “Why do senior Republican leaders tolerate this kind of discussion within the party?”

For a party that loves to refute accusations of happily harboring racist fringes so long as it suits their political interests with “SEE! SEE! We got this Black, and this Black, and that Latino, and oh, that Black with lady parts!” you’d think they would see their most-accomplished member of color plead with them to elevate themselves and learn a lesson.

Unfortunately, thus far, all we’ve gotten from conservatives is the same old crusty two-step.

Read the rest of the essay at NewsOne.

Bill Cosby Wants To Strangle Shawty Lo With A Sweater

The one-hour special won’t be premiering until spring, but, already, Shawty Lo’s All My Babies’ Mamas has generated an ample amount of press – though largely linked to protest from upstanding Negroes and the Parents Television Council, who use phrasing like “grotesquely irresponsible and exploitive” to describe the Atlanta rapper’s Oxygen reality series. Will it really be that bad? Should we send a preemptive iMessage to Jesse?

In this week’s roundtable, we get some of hip-hop’s best-known dads and a few other outspoken stars to weigh in on the fertile – not at all condom-friendly – southern emcee and all his babies’ mamas.

Ice-T: First off, is it me or does this dude sound like he’s waiting for Django to unchain him, too? Not to already get off topic, but ever notice that ATL natives call it “Alannah.” And did that man just say “mi-nay” instead of money? This show shouldn’t air, if for no other reason than it’ll short-circuit thousands of TVs overworking to provide closed captioning.

LL Cool J: Funny that you’re here, Ice, ‘cause, while watching Shawty Lo’s trailer, I noticed how young his kids’ moms are and thought: “In the criminal justice system, sexually-based offenses are considered … these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad called the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories.”

T.I.: Aye, T, don’t be like that, pimpin’. A little twang never hurt nobody, ya dig? As an intelligent man such as myself sees it, I think we as a community are making this show out to be more than what it is. The producers of this television special have released a statement in the protest in which they do declare that Mr. Lo’s special is – and I quote – “Oxygen’s one-hour special in development is not meant to be a stereotypical representation of everyday life for any one demographic or cross section of society. It is a look at one unique family and their complicated, intertwined life.”

Diddy: In other words, y’all motherf**kers on Twitter and on the blogs need to live and let live. Shawty Lo’s high sperm count doesn’t mean every Black man is out here making babies with multiple women.

T.I. Indeed, good sir. Now, Shawty and I have had our issues in the past, but even I worry about this being blown out of proportion. I suggest we move on to more pressing matters worthy of our attention – and we should go and do it expeditiously!

Diddy: Tip, it’s been so long since I’ve heard that word. Say, after we end this roundtable, you want to go and talk about doing a remake of Lean on Me?

T.I.: Fo’ sho.

Jada Pinkett Smith: Unless you find a way to work in my man or Madea, that project probably won’t get green-lit. Anyhow, since we’re talking about high sperm counts and Black people making babies all over, how many children do you have, Puff? And how many mommies are there again?

Lil’ Wayne: That ain’t even right, Mrs. Fresh Prince.

Jada Pinkett Smith: Neither is getting two people knocked up at the same damn time, Weezy Makes Too Many Babies.

Diddy: Shouldn’t you be somewhere wiping Willow Smith’s tears?

Ice-T: Yeah, why is that kid so damn sad, anyway? She thinks those monsters in the sky you all worship now – forgive me, allegedly worship – are hiding under her bed or something?

Jada Pinkett Smith: Can we focus?

Bill Cosby: I would just like to highlight that I warned you uneducated, buffoonish Negroes about your wayward ding-dongs. I told you about them. Standing on the corner, not speaking anything that sounds close to English. “Why you ain’t? Where you is? You know what I’m saying?” How in the hell would I know, unless I forgot everything I was taught starting at age seven.

Ice-T: Aww, hell. Sweaters is in the what, LL?

Click here to finish reading at The Shadow League.

Frame Azealia Banks’ Fights Better

…note Banks’ battles all you’d like, so long as you do so accurately.

While it’s true that Azealia’s recklessness and short fuse prompted her rifts with the likes of Iggy Azalea and Lil’ Kim, her issues with Angel Haze highlight the reality that many rappers purposely pick a fight with her for attention. Not to mention the likes of T.I. and Jim Jones, who, too, have gone out of their way to unleash on the 20-year-old Harlem rapper. Had she been the female rapper that was apart of an all-male crew versus a standalone artist (a breakthrough Azealia doesn’t receive nearly enough credit for), they would’ve never attacked her so harshly. Now comes Haze, who clearly wanted to piggyback off of Azealia’s buzz to assist in the building of her own.

This doesn’t excuse all of Banks’ behavior. She is very much audacious and often too quick to fly off the handle. In other words, the sort of “no f*cks given” artist so many acts are only pretending to be. If you act like a provocateur, then you ought to expect the backlash that comes as part of the package. Still, much of Banks’ outbursts have been themed around issues related to race, culture, sexuality and sexism. At a time when people increasingly scream for attention without anything of note to actually say, it’s somewhat comforting to know in the midst of all the noise that Banks’ outbursts may generate, at least there’s something reminiscent of genuine thought behind it.

Read the essay in full over at The Shadow League.

I’m Watching Shawty Lo’s Show and It’s All Your Fault

Oxygen has heard about your upstanding friends’ protest targeting its future hit, All My Babies’ Mamas, and is now congregating in the middle of the network’s floor that houses publicity to declare, “The butterfly, uh uh, that’s old. Let me see you tootsie roll.” in celebration of all the free press their act has generated. Unfortunately for them, the network is not budging.

On the backlash a leaked version of the pilot generated, Oxygen Media tells RadarOnline.com:

“Oxygen’s one-hour special in development is not meant to be a stereotypical representation of everyday life for any one demographic or cross section of society. It is a look at one unique family and their complicated, intertwined life. Oxygen Media’s diverse team of creative executives will continue developing the show with this point of view.”

Translation: Oh, girl. This was only intended to be a one-off special, not an attempt to snatch away the EBONY and ESSENCE covers the First Family gets.

When I first heard of this show, I thought nothing more of it than a twangier, melanin-enhanced version of Sister Wives. Or well, a spinoff of any Maury segment that airs five days a week in multiple countries across the world. Even though I could understand why many would be disgusted by Shawty Lo, his disdain for condoms, and potential interest in young women who may or may not be legally attainable when he consummated their hood love, I was taken aback by the knee-jerk reaction to immediately act as if the show was going to doom the Black race.

As if there aren’t more meaningful ways to target some of the issues the show highlights; as if there aren’t enough counter images available — on more popular platforms to boot.

I wrote about this in an essay last week over at NewsOne. JETMag.com picked it up, but I do invite more to check it out.

One addendum to the piece: People can protest whatever they want, whenever the mood suits them. Such is their right. My issues, though, with these, and other petitions I’ve talked about in the past, are two-fold. The first being I sometimes wonder whether some of these protests ignore the reality that depending on your perspective, there might be more counter images to whatever these people perceive as “negative” in a given show readily available than they realize — which ultimately makes me wonder whether we give basic cable too much power.

The other aspect is what frustrates me most — that being the overall tone in these sorts of complains. I know not everyone shares the sentiment. In fact, some people I greatly admire are pushing the Shawty Lo protest. Even so, the petitioner many are quoting to publicize the protest describes All My Babies’ Mamas as a “minstrel show.” As I note in the essay, by definition reality programming wouldn’t exactly fall under the scope of a minstrel. Minstrel is one of those terms many in the masses here and are quick to spit back out regardless of the term’s history and context.

Read the rest of this entry »

How Would You Explain The Fiscal Cliff To Fantasia?

After several weeks of back and forth negotiations, an alleged public curse outbetween the Speaker of the House of Representatives and the Senate Majority Leader, a call to Vice President Biden and a “please, baby please” plea to Democrats and the thirty sane Republicans left, Congress finally reached an agreement with the White House on the widely publicized “fiscal cliff.”

We already know what the likes of John Boehner, Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, Mitch McConnell and Eric Cantor make of the deal, but what do celebrities like Rick Ross, Fantasia, 2 Chainz, Lil’ Wayne, and Azealia Banks have to say on the matter?

In this week’s roundtable, the stars opine on the pressing financial issues facing the country in 2013.

Rick Ross: John Boehner ain’t a boss. Why he let his GOP folk embarrass him like that? I’m saying, if I introduced a Plan B, you better pop that s—t like you’re trying to avoid nine-months of weight gain, you feel? If he the boss, call the shots. Be on the murder team, get Dems to call the cops.

Azealia Banks: Well, to be fair, like, President Obama kind of punked out when he said he wouldn’t budge on the Bush tax cuts for people making over $250,000 expiring. Isn’t it now like at $400,000? Like, that’s sort of wack, right? Like, so what? The middle class includes people making up to $400,000. That’s like crazy, right?

Nicki Minaj: And this “fiscal cliff” law apparently includes breaks for racetrack owners and moviemakers? As if they need more help.

Rick Ross: But hold up, Nick, didn’t you vote for Romney? Isn’t that something he would’ve done?

Nicki Minaj: You guys! I was just kidding. I didn’t vote for Romney. That’s why I said  “I did a freestyle then I got a shout out from Obammer.” I was just doing that for attention, silly.

Azealia Banks: Shocker.

Nicki Minaj: Watch it, lil’ mama. Anyway, as I was saying before I was so rudely shaded: I didn’t vote for Romney.

2 Chainz: You didn’t vote at all, right? Like TMZ said you’re not registered.

Azealia Banks: They also said you were two years older than what you’ve been claiming.

Nicki Minaj: I don’t like politics.

Lil’ Wayne: All I need to know is how much more do I have to pay in taxes? I just paid almost $8 million in back taxes.

Rick Ross: You ain’t got nothing to worry about, man. Uncle Sam can’t clock the cash from the drug stash, man. Ain’t that right, codeine cowboy?

2 Chainz:  There’s enough bad storytelling in Washington, sir. Let’s save the drug folklore for our collaboration on the next album, playboy.

Fantasia: CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN TO MEEE WHAT ALL THIS FISCAWL CLIFF STUFF MEANS? IS CLIFF HUXTABLE INVOLVED?

Azealia Banks: Oh, girl.

Read the rest at The Shadow League.