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Like anything else that involves communication, your president’s recent interview with fellow belligerent white man Bill O’Reilly was a clusterfuck. Most of the fallout from it, though, focused on Bankruptcy Batista taking issue with O’Reilly’s categorization of Russian President Vladimir Putin as a “killer.”

“There are a lot of killers,” 45 shot back. “We’ve got a lot of killers. What do you think, our country’s so innocent?”

When your new boyfriend is an authoritarian who may or may not have video of you being pissed on in a hotel, it’s unsurprising to see that you continue to serve as the Bonnie to his Clyde, the Bell Biv to his DeVoe and the eager bottom to his aggressive top. That’s what love is. Well, that’s also blackmail, but same difference, in this instance. As frustrating as it was to hear him say that, you’re not going to get my black self to rally too hard for the country that just allowed Attorney General Segregation Now, Segregation Forever to happen.

So while critics were correct in assailing a false equivalence slow cooking in a Crock-Pot of asininity and outlandishness, there was another declaration made by 45 that still slips and slides up and down my last nerve. It is a sentiment that 45 has hinted at before but never flat out said until now.

As he and O’Reilly discussed American Horror Story: The 2016 Presidential Election, 45 had the honeysuckle-colored gall to assert that former President Obama actually likes his bigoted ass. Of Obama, 45 explained to O’Reilly, “It’s a very strange phenomena. We get along. I don’t know if he’ll admit this, but he likes me, I like him.”

Any sensible soul has long been aware that 45 is too many fallen fries from a full order, too much ice for a satisfying full cup of strawberry soda and one nugget short of a worthwhile late-night drive-thru run. Still, how much is this man out of his rabbit-ass mind to think that Barry fucks with him? How could he possibly believe that the man against whom he lodged a dehumanizing, racist-conspiracy-theory-riddled campaign finds him anything other than a village idiot who’s lucky that bigotry and white mediocrity can always take you far in America?

When asked what convinced him that Obama genuinely liked him, 45 responded, “I can feel it.”

Bankruptcy Batista says he can feel it, y’all. Total, help me sing. Total, help me sing.

He continued:

We had a rough campaign. He was fighting better for Hillary then she did. He was vicious during the campaign towards me and I was vicious towards him. We said horrible things about each other. And then we hop into the car and we drive down Pennsylvania Avenue together and we don’t even talk about it. Politics is amazing.

See, 45 is acting like those co-workers who don’t understand that when their colleagues—namely, the black ones who don’t really fool with them like that—are being cordial, they’re simply being professional. In the case of Obama treating his successor with the dignity he doesn’t deserve, that speaks to Obama’s sense of duty. That is not the same thing as sincere affinity for a basket case who ought to be relegated to social media and reality television.

During the campaign trail, Obama repeatedly laid into that man over his bad business dealings, divisive rhetoric and terrible character. Those feelings didn’t suddenly dissipate after Obama was compelled by duty to engage him. Of course, 45 doesn’t know much of anything, much less about matters related to basic social skills.

In the article “For Donald Trump, Friends in Few Places,” Alan Feuer explored 45’s lack of friendship in the “failing” New York Times. “He doesn’t really have a lot of friends,” Billy Procida, a financier from New Jersey who served for years as one of Trump’s top lieutenants, was quoted as saying. “Pretty much all he does is work and play golf.”

And, you know, bash people who don’t align with his warped view about a given topic or affect his frail ego.

Read the rest at The Root.

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Long before there was a racist, practically brainless, U.S. president whose previous greatest claim to fame was being the host of a reality show, there was Sean Duffy.

For those of us who remember MTV’s The Real World before season 97 or whatever number they’re on now, Duffy was on season 5 of the legendary reality series. There, Duffy, along with six other strangers, were picked to live in a firehouse in Boston while working together with children at an after-school program. Even then, Duffy told us who he was: a conservative Republican who competed in lumberjack competitions and dreamed of becoming an attorney. Duffy may have appeared to be a decent human being in select scenes, but like many of his ilk, both his biases and his unwillingness to see things outside of them were all too apparent—just ask his former roommate, the black and left-leaning Kameelah.

To Duffy’s credit, he not only managed to extend his television career by doing additional MTV shows like Road Rules: All Stars and The Real World vs. Road Rules Challenge, but even worked a little bit with ESPN more than a decade ago. As far as his legal dreams, Duffy did indeed become a lawyer and ultimately served as a district attorney in his home state of Wisconsin for several years. Then in 2010, Duffy was elected to Congress along with so many other Tea Party and hard-right Republicans in the midterm elections.

A newly minted status as congressman returned Duffy to national television by way of consistent appearances on cable news. It also reminded me of one very important tidbit about the Real World alum: This jackass still has the intellectual curiosity of a dead rat. The most recent example of this was his interview on CNN’s New Day, in which Duffy actively swept aside white terrorists in favor of co-signing Sweet Potato Saddam’s boneheaded, xenophobia-fueled obsession with “radical Islam.”

While discussing 45’s Muslim travel ban, CNN’s Alisyn Camerota asked of Duffy a fairly simple question: “Why isn’t the president talking about the white terrorists who mowed down six Muslims praying at their mosque?”

“I don’t know,” the waste of airtime responded. “There’s a difference.” He then added, “You don’t have a group like ISIS or al-Qaida that is inspiring people around the world to take up arms and kill innocents. … That was a one-off, Alisyn.”

Camerota did provide some examples, though it’s unfortunate some producer didn’t talk into her ear and highlight a 2015 report from the New America Foundation that, based on its research, states that since 9/11, white, right-wing terrorists have killed almost twice as many Americans in homegrown attacks than radical Islamic extremists have.

Not that Duffy truly cares about whether or not data can dispel his prejudices. Since that interview, Duffy has tried to clarify his stance, i.e., restate the sentiments in less overtly racist phrasing. That is all at the root of Democrats in his home state admonishing him and columnists calling him an “embarrassment” and asking that he apologize to his constituents.

To those suddenly discovering Sean Duffy, welcome to the bashing party, y’all, but what took everyone so long?

Last year, Duffy addressed the Black Lives Matter movement only in the context of abortion, claiming that if members of the Congressional Black Caucus valued all black lives, they would speak for the “unborn child.”

There are many other instances of crazy, unsexy, fool with Duffy. Say, the time he falsely claimed that Donald Sterling was a Democrat after he was found to be using the slur nigger. Or when he told Wolf Blitzer that George Soros was rigging voting machines.

There’s also that time he claimed that Madison County, Wis., was a “communist county.” Duffy loves a false equivalency. Mere months ago, he did it again with another CNN anchor (Jim Sciutto) when he responded to questions of why Sweet Potato Saddam took so long to condemn hate groups supporting him by rationalizing that President Barack Obama didn’t do that with Black Lives Matter, which Duffy placed on par with white supremacists.

Read the rest at The Root.

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After 22 years of marriage, Gayle McCormick was suddenly no longer caught up in the rapture of love with her husband. McCormick is 73, a retired prison guard, and a self-described “Democrat leaning toward socialist.” In other words, she is Bernie Sanders with a vagina.

So, when the ultra liberal Dorothy Zbornak found out that her husband had taken shelter in the basket of deplorables last November, she told bae:

I gotta go. I gotta leave.
So please don’t make it hard for me.
I’ve gave enough, I’m tired of love,
I gotta let it go

Or whatever the elder statement vanilla latte with almond milk (which is tasty, so no shade) equivalent of this is.

“It totally undid me that he could vote for Trump,” McCormick explained to Reuters. She went on to add that she felt “betrayed” by his support for Sunny D Zedong. I couldn’t imagine laying in bed next to anyone who felt that marginalized people could benefit from a Sunny D Zedong administration because it would “awaken them,” much less the fool who would make a willful choice to play the role of Smithers and unleash the hounds.

Then, McCormick shared a word:

I felt like I had been fooling myself. It opened up areas between us I had not faced before. I realized how far I had gone in my life to accept things I would have never accepted when I was younger.

There are a few white women whose words can send me on an emotional roller coaster: Fiona Apple, whatever the song; half of Mariah Carey, especially when singing about loving someone like a holiday Duncan Hines yellow cake; Kelly Clarkson on like two or three tracks; Bonnie Rait when she is singing “I Can’t Make You Love Me.” I’m adding Gayle McCormick to the list.

Typically, we only think of McCormick when at the grocery store and deciding on seasoning, but this shit, this shit right here, is a guide to life. I’m not sure what the dating scene is like at 73, but if it’s anything like Netflix’s Grace and Frankie, she ought to be fine. If not, there’s always masturbation. Don’t make that face. T-Boz told y’all in 1996 that ain’t nothing wrong with making it feel good.

McCormick understands what support of 45 means. Unlike some people, she did not try to humanize the inhumane act of voting for that wretched, imbecilic man who surrounds himself with the axis of evil: bad suits, KFC and white supremacists. While many have tried to duck the moral quandary being associated with a deplorable presents, it’s becoming increasingly harder to.

Reuters reports:

The rancor has not dissipated as it has in the aftermath of other recent contentious U.S. elections. A Reuters/Ipsos opinion poll shows it has worsened, suggesting a widening of the gulf between Republicans and Democrats and a hardening of ideological positions that sociologists and political scientists say increases distrust in government and will make political compromise more difficult.

Sixteen percent said they have stopped talking to a family member or friend because of the election—up marginally from 15 percent. That edged higher, to 22 percent, among those who voted for Democrat Hillary Clinton. Overall, 13 percent of respondents said they had ended a relationship with a family member or close friend over the election, compared to 12 percent in October.

Ended things with people like this fool, as Reuters reports:

“It’s been pretty rough for me,” said Rob Brunello, 25, of Mayfield Heights, Ohio, a truck driver who faced a backlash from friends and family for backing Trump.

He can drive his truck to hell.

Now more than ever people need to draw a line in the sand when it comes to support for a man who is more or less special education Adolf Hitler wrapped in cantaloupe coloring. That said, based on the readership ’round these parts (but hello, new white readers—I see you, and in some cases, block you), only a handful of y’all likely have to face a 45 voter. No worries, I have other tips.

Like, people who follow Dr. Umar Johnson: Block them.

Read the rest at The Root.

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When I saw the image of former President Barack Obama in flip-flops, shorts and a backward cap, along with his wife, former first lady Michelle Obama, in the shortest of shorts, walking across the beach, I was relieved for them. They served this country well for eight years—even when millions of its citizens blatantly disrespected them for no other reason than that the hue of their skin made them antithetical to the virtues of their America. So much so that Obama’s successor is the most unqualified president in U.S. history; a man who is small by every measure who won, largely, because he sold his supporters the notion that he could restore the nation to the lily-white land of yore.

 So, mere days into 45’s administration, the same mediocrity and monstrosity that followed him in his private life and professional dealings have unsurprisingly followed him into the White House. The man told the electorate exactly who he was, and they chose him anyway. Now that the sky has cracked and pieces have begun to fall, political journalists along with average citizens have been calling on former President Obama to speak up. So he did, 10 days after leaving office—which, in some respect, felt hasty—to disavow the travel ban targeted to immigrants from primarily Muslim nations.

The statement was appreciated, but make no mistake: Obama may speak out when it suits him as promised following the election, but he owes this country nothing. Not while on vacation. Not after eight years of service to a sizably ungrateful nation. Not less than a month after leaving office.

To quote DMX, “What these bitches want from a nigga?” Feel free to pour bleach to remove the stain of misogyny, but after you do, wrap yourself around the sentiment. Squeeze it tight.

Similarly, on the day of the Women’s March on Washington and subsequent days after, quite a few called on former Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton to also engage and help the resistance. Typically, after an election, the losing presidential candidate goes off and finds some business. While we are undeniably living in unique and increasingly dire circumstances, not only do I question the push for Clinton to more aggressively speak out against the antics of this amateurish administration, but I also worry about its ineffectiveness this early.

If she were to level stronger statements against Tropicana Jong-il, all that would do is invite comment from a man who can’t seem to escape campaign mode for the kind of needless public feuds he’s known for courting. No. 45 would foam at the mouth at the chance to continue assailing her as if he had another chance at losing the popular vote and winning on technicality. So, America may be calling to sing, “Pick up the phone, baby/I know you’re home, baby” to HRC, but I would label that number “Do Not Answer.”

Read the rest at The Root.

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Sean Spicer often looks guilty of something. He looks like the person who went into the work refrigerator, saw the juice with your name on it and drank it anyway—and put it back with not the slightest ounce of shame. Spicer also seems like the driver you end up cursing out on the freeway because he sees you trying to get over to make an exit but speeds up to block you from doing so. For no other reason than he can and he likes to inflict pain on others. The man looks salty as hell at all times.

For those who missed this when he served as Republican National Committee spokesman, they’re learning it now that this curmudgeon, who looks exactly like Howard the Duck if Howard the Duck met a scientist who could turn him into a human being, serves as White House press secretary.

In his debut, Spicer did not take questions. Instead, Spicer berated the press for correctly reporting that the crowds for Minute Maid Mao’s inauguration were pathetic, or “Sad!” as some wannabe dictators would say. Evidently the man was sent out by his new boss to play into his delusions of grandeur and incessant need to be liked. After Spicer finished, he stormed off. Sadly, no reporter shouted, “Sashay, Shantay” as he exited the building—proving once again why more media outlets need to be more inclusive in their hiring.

Then came his “first official briefing” in which he actually took questions. Spicer got a lot of unwarranted praise for doing that, though anyone who watched the lengthy presser saw that he continued to treat members of the press as individuals he can’t wait to catch on the street. Spicer doesn’t deserve a participation award, beloveds.

Spicer is quite the reflection of the man he works for, though. He lies like hell. He’s harsh in his delivery. He speaks with a strong sense of entitlement. He wears suits that are way too big. He’s infuriating to watch. Most of all, Spicer is incredibly embarrassing.

During a press conference Monday, Spicer was addressing Minute Maid Mao’s executive action that restructured the National Security Council. While doing so, Spicer held up a printed tweet. Why? Because Spicer wanted to drill home the point that there had been “misreporting” on this issue.

However, as The Verge’s Lizzie Plaugic noted, “It seems unlikely anyone in the room or watching the live stream would have actually been able to read what was on the sheet of paper, but Spicer apparently felt he needed hard proof of the tweet’s existence.”

Cast members on shows like The Real Housewives of Wherever and Love & Hip Hop: Anywhere don’t even print out tweets at reunion shows. Spicer is out here holding White House press conferences that come across as live re-enactments of posts from the Shade Room. Yet for Spicer it gets much, much worse.

During that same press conference, Spicer was asked about the Muslim ban signed by Minute Maid Mao and its effect on travelers. Like, say, a 5-year-old boy whose mother is Iranian and who was detained after arriving at Washington Dulles International Airport. When asked if the ban should apply to 5-year-old kids, Spicer said yes. With a straight face at that.

Heaven, I need a hug, and God, I need to borrow your trusty lightning bolt.

“That’s why we slow [the process] down a little,” Spicer explained. “To make sure that if they are a 5-year-old, that maybe they’re with their parents and they don’t pose a threat. But to assume that just because of someone’s age or gender or whatever that they don’t pose a threat would be misguided and wrong.”

The child is fucking 5 years old. When the mother was reunited with her son, she sang “Happy Birthday” to him. For you basket of deplorables reading this, she sang the song in English, although the Persian remix would have been perfectly fine, too.
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She can dress this up as an act of nobility all she likes, but it reeks of opportunism.

When Chrisette Michele was asked to perform for the new president, she had a choice: to stand with the marginalized or to align herself with their orange-tinged oppressor. In an interview with The Breakfast Club, she revealed that the question was an easy and immediate yes.

With that, her fate was sealed, though she’s certainly been trying to clarify an unconscionable decision in the wake of the immense backlash she welcomed. First, she released an open letter; the cyan font made it barely readable, but honestly, no matter the font or the color, none of it made much sense. Towards the end, she declared, “I am here, representing you, because this is what matters.”

Michele repeated that sentiment on The Breakfast Club. “I needed them to see us,” Michele argued. “I needed them to see what we have to say, what we look like, how we talk. With the entire campaign experience, I think that many of us were wondering, who is he talking to?”

The President is 70 years old and in his lifetime, he has engaged in housing discrimination against Black people, has called on the death of innocent Black men, has used racially inflammatory language over decades, and through his favorite job, reality TV host, has worked with Black people. The President has always seen Black people just as he has seen Latinos, immigrants, Muslims, and women; the problem is, he sees all of those sections of society as less than. As for who he was talking to, anyone that’s bothered to take a gander at any of his hate rallies during the campaign knew the answer: like-minded racist White people.

Given that line of thinking, the singer’s political naiveté made the interview nothing more than a 40-minute PSA on the virtue of not speaking on things you know nothing about. The fact that she continuously repeats the adage “I’m no political genius” doesn’t make her a sympathetic figure. No, it just painfully and frustratingly illustrates willful ignorance.

Let Michele tell it, it is imperative that we need to communicate. So, “I took a lot of heat, but I wanted to unite America.” The problem with this line of thinking is that it foolishly assumes that closer proximity to prejudice will help lessen it. However, in the first week of the new administration, needless walls will be built; cruel bans against refugees over their religion will be unleashed; the threat of martial law has been hung over major cities; Jim Crow is leering towards a massive return; stupidity is soaring.

In the end, Michele didn’t even get to engage the menace. “My family has disowned me,” she said, “If you decide to Google me, you’ll see that America is writing about me in their newspapers. I’m the Black poster child for discord right now, and he’s not going to shake my hand?’ So no, I didn’t get to meet him.”

And every Negro went “Duh.”

Michele then slipped and confirmed suspicion that this was more about herself than she lets on. When asked why she didn’t attend the Women’s March the next day, Michele answered, “They don’t invite D-list celebrities.” The self-deprecation displayed does not deny the hubris-laden subtext of her response.

Read the rest at Essence.

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I should have known Kellyanne Conway couldn’t be trusted when it became all too apparent that she couldn’t be bothered to place trust in a comb before appearing on national television.

If that sounds cruel to you, to quote my spiritual adviser, Beyoncé, “I ain’t sorry,” so don’t anticipate any Anita Baker-grade apology from me. It’s high time that Conway was taken to task about her hair, which often looks like her boss Tropicana Jong-il’s hair. If I can make fun of that heap of elderly golden retriever hair that sits atop his head, I reserve the right to speak on No Comb Conway.

That aside, Conway ought to be taken to task for other things—namely, how much she has in common with her boss.

Much like the madman she helped place in the White House, Conway has only a superficial commitment to her principles. This is a woman who routinely appeared on television in the 1990s to complain about the behavior of former President Bill Clinton while her husband, George T. Conway III, reportedly “played a historic—and largely hidden—role in the impeachment of Bill Clinton.”

So she doesn’t like working with men who don’t respect women, although she seems to have no problems working with President Grab ’Em by the Pussy. Then again, her working alongside 45 shouldn’t be too surprising given that she got a head start working with terrible, sexist men like Todd Akin.

“I’ve been in a very male-dominated business for decades,” she told the New Yorker last fall. “I found, particularly early on, that there’s plenty of room for passion, but there’s very little room for emotion … I tell people all the time, ‘Don’t be fooled, because I am a man by day.’”

What is the gender equivalent of “All my skinfolk ain’t kinfolk”?

Other visible traces of gross hypocrisy can be found in her previous support of comprehensive immigration reform and legal status for undocumented workers. According to CNN, in 2014 Conway co-authored a memo for a pro-immigration group that outlined the benefits to providing a pathway to citizenship for nearly 11 million undocumented workers. Now she’s the headmistress of propaganda for the Fried-Cheese Führer who has decided to make good on his promise to build that stupid wall along the Mexican border.

Another thing that makes Conway the Tamera to 45’s Tia is the shared trait of being a fame whore.

Read the rest at The Root.

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As the pool of white tears begins to flood from the influx of supporters of our newly elected authoritarian who are expressing regret over their votes, allow me to extend the following invitation to one and all: Drown.

Recently, USA Today published an op-ed entitled, “I Voted for Trump, Not Against Planned Parenthood.” In it, Melody Forbes laments that she voted for Honeysuckle Lenin “because I wanted to see change in our country.” Yet Forbes complains about the prospect of the man she voted for lending support to any legislation championed by the likes of Vice President Mike Pence and other Republicans in Congress who have long sought to dismantle women’s access to health care.

“It doesn’t make any sense for Trump, who said he would defend the American people from politics as usual, to sign a bill like this,” Forbes writes. Forbes then spends time relaying facts about Planned Parenthood, as if anyone on that side of the political aisle cares about reasons to consider women’s health, while continuing to write other delusional statements such as, “I did not vote to send him to the White House to take away health care from people struggling to get by.”

That is exactly what Forbes voted for, as is pretty evident to anyone who paid real attention to the campaign behind easily and often refutable rhetoric. Honeysuckle Lenin did indeed defend Planned Parenthood to some extent, noting last year during a Republican presidential debate that it has helped women. However, he said this while still promising to defund it because he claims to be pro-life. Meanwhile, even if the man did promise not to defund Planned Parenthood, anyone who was paying attention to the various stories about him curbing contractors’ pay would find it easy to reckon with the reality that the man’s promises mean nothing.

Still, Forbes has lent her voice to a growing chorus of folks who feign bemusement over a president who’s behaving the same way he did as a candidate.

When the then president-elect pulled back on his promise to build a “big, beautiful wall” along the Mexican border, numerous suckers took to Twitter to complain that a long-proven liar had misled them. The same has happened with respect to the repeal of the Affordable Care Act, which many voters ignorantly assumed was different from Obamacare.

As for his Cabinet picks, the man who swore that he would “drain the swamp” has appointed various billionaires and village idiots to assemble what historians have labeled the richest Cabinet in U.S. history. This Cabinet would include the likes of former WWE executive Linda McMahon, who on Tuesday spoke before the Senate in hopes of becoming the next leader of the Small Business Administration. Surely, her being a top Trump donor had absolutely nothing to do with this two-time failed senatorial candidate—whose greatest achievement, arguably, is introducing me to “Macho Man” Randy Savage—being nominated for that position.

Such moves have not yielded “Oooh yeah! Dig it!”-like expressions of glee about the Colby-Jack Führer. Indeed, the outpouring of hurt, dismay and anger gained so much steam so sharply that it has since given way to a Tumblr, Trumpgrets, that tracks the almost comical levels of bitching and moaning, and other musings, from regretful voters.

As this new administration continues to embarrass itself and drag the nation down with it, there will be more folks who will publicize their remorse over their vote. Such is their right, but I’d like to think I speak on behalf of the millions of marginalized people who will suffer the most under the tyrannical reign of a racist, sexist, xenophobic, narcissistic, pathological liar when I say, fuck all y’all. In fact, run headfirst into a wall. It’s not as if any of you appear to use your heads much, anyway.

Read the rest at The Root.

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When it comes to Melania Trump, multiple things can be true if you try really, really hard not to operate at the same intellectual level as her dimwitted husband. Like, even if Slovenia’s new favorite daughter chose to pose nude back in her modeling days, it was wrong for the New York Post to publish those photos as it sought to exploit her sexuality and demean her. Similarly, as I wrote last fall, Melania has long seemed uncomfortable with the spotlight that came with being a candidate’s spouse, since she only signed up to be a rich man’s wife and hawk some jewelry.

However, while those two truths may exist, there is another that takes precedence: She married a bigoted megalomaniac, a vile monster with only minuscule traces of characteristics associated with humanity who had discussed a potential presidential run as far back as wife No. 1. Perhaps, like most of us, she assumed that her narcissistic nitwit of a husband was merely bullshitting, but there was always the risk that he would actually go through with a real foray into presidential politics.

So when it comes to the question of whether or not she deserves pity, ask yourself another question first: Why bother?

Over the weekend, Melania looked noticeably uncomfortable at every event associated with her husband’s inauguration. The visible discomfort was so obvious that some outlets reached out to body experts to further explain what may have been going on in Melania’s mind. On the pair’s awkward, rhythm-challenged inaugural dance, body-language expert and professional speaker Patti Wood noted to Mic that Melania leaned away from her husband, Parmesan Putin.

“That typically says, ‘I don’t want to merge with you as a partner,’” Wood explained, adding that Tangerine was “pulling her in sexually.”

In other words, the leader of the Aryan version of Love & Hip Hop: New York’s Creep Squad behaved exactly the way you’d expect—to Melania’s apparent horror. That, coupled with a GIF of a visibly bothered Melania, has sparked cries of “Free Melania.” No matter how well intentioned these efforts, there are ample reasons to scream up “Hell nah” in response.

Even when feeling somewhat bad for her, I always kept in the back pocket of my mind that she willfully chose to marry a racist, sexist jackass dedicated to the hobby of being disrespectful. As we move forward with this shit show of an administration, it’s time for all of us to keep such a tidbit front and center. We should also recall that when it comes to bigotry, Melania was an active participant in the very racist conspiracy theory that fueled her husband’s political rise.

Read the rest at The Root.

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Now that doomsday has happened, there are certain things to which we can look forward.

For one, there will be pain. Lots and lots of pain. Unfortunately, it won’t be like a Betty Wright track in which said pain will yield some gain. It will just hurt.

There will also be plenty of stupidity because if the confirmation hearings are any indication, we will be beset by inept buffoons, who, much like the 45th president of the United States, have absolutely no business doing the jobs with which they have been tasked.

Of course, there will be loads of corruption because when you elect a con man to the highest office in the land, he’s going to give you your money’s worth. However, of all the nuisances that await us, one that’s increasingly sticking out to me is that we will be embarking on having the political Ike and Tina Turner in Mango Zedong (Donald Trump) and Vladimir Putin.

For quite some time now, Frack and Fuck-Up have been whispering sweet nothings to each other in the public space, reminding me of a Drake song in which he is oh so smitten, only to end up vexed over the fact that she has dared to have a life aside from him.

If previous comments are any indication, these two will very much behave like a celebrity couple desperately trying to sway you into giving a damn about their union.

Recently, Geppetto (Putin) took up for his new boo thang (Mango Zedong) by addressing the now infamous dossier in which a former MI6 British intelligence agent claims that the Russian government has compromising information about the new U.S. president. During a press conference Tuesday, Putin said, “These things that have been alleged are clearly false information.”

(Because if you want truth, you turn to a man trained in the art of lying like hell for the advancement of specific agents.)

Among the various forms of malarkey the lying head of state presented to a forced audience, though, this portion was particularly comical: “Did Trump really come and meet with Moscow prostitutes? Firstly, he is an adult, and secondly, he is a person who for many years has organized a beauty pageant, socialized with the most beautiful women in the world. It is hard to believe that he ran to a hotel to meet with our girls of a low social class, although they are the best in the world.”

This is not how prostitution works, but it’s clearly a sign of someone standing by his man. I suppose if the former KGB agent allegedly put in all that effort to housebreak his new pet, it would make sense for him to go above and beyond to protect him. You know, even if that means saying with a straight face that loads of women want to smash a man who looks like a pot of lasagna made from old slices of Kraft cheese.

Still, it was already stomach-churning to watch an American campaigning to be president laud an authoritarian figure from a hostile foreign government, but now we have to spend maybe four years living with this.

While the crowds in Washington, D.C., were thin-crust pizza for the inauguration, it was apparently a lituation over in Moscow. Indeed, The Independent reported that supporters of Putin held an all-night party in celebration of the U.S. president who U.S. intelligence agencies all agree benefited from the assistance of the Russian government in winning the presidential election.

Adam Lusher wrote: “One of the organizers, Konstantin Rykov, who has served as a Russian MP affiliated to Putin’s United Russia Party and has also been described as a ‘Kremlin web propagandist,’ invited his Facebook followers to the event with the comment: ‘See you in the evening. Washington will be ours.’”

Despite the new administration’s claims to the contrary, we undoubtedly will soon have to bear the sight of Mango Zedong and Putin standing side-by-side in jubilee like they’re Ja Rule and Ashanti about to perform “Always on Time.” While there is a special shade of irony in the guy who promised to “Make America great again” being so clingy to the de facto dictator of Russia, it is not enough to gloss over how infuriating it is to see such a low-level ruse happen in real time.

Read the rest at The Root.

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