People like Republican politician Mike Huckabee remind me of the personal pitfalls one endures when they lead a life in which they think sex works best in missionary and with a marriage license for the sole purpose of procreation. The former Arkansas governor and Baptist minister also reminds me of the virtues of shutting the hell up and minding one’s business.
However, Huckabee has a long history of telling others what they should and should not be doing — most notably, women who dare to take ownership of their sexuality. He won’t stop any time soon with the promotion of his new book, God, Guns, Grits, and Gravy. Huckabee aims his God and gun at various targets, though his critiques of Beyoncé have drawn the biggest headlines.
The book seems to read as exactly as it sounds, so I look forward to kicking it over once I spot in the clearance aisle. In it, Huckabee slams Beyoncé for her “obnoxious and toxic mental poison in the form of song lyrics,” and though he says she’s a “terrific dancer,” he suggests that some of her choreography is “best left for the privacy of her bedroom.” People with no rhythm are such a nasty bunch.
Huckabee goes on to criticize Jay Z, explaining, “Jay Z is a very shrewd businessman, but I wonder: Does it occur to him that he is arguably crossing the line from husband to pimp by exploiting his wife as a sex object?”
Here’s a better question: Why does Beyoncé need her husband’s permission to be sexual? Huckabee went on to criticize the Obamas, especially First Lady Michelle Obama, by targeting both her parenting skills and her healthy eating initiative for children, quipping that when it comes to Beyoncé’s music, “If lived out, those lyrics would be far more devastating to someone’s health than a cupcake.”
Actually, I’m almost certain safe sex between two consenting adults is far healthier than eating a cupcake— at least the former is exercise and gluten free.
Joining Huckabee in the “White Men For Policing A Black Woman’s Body” squad is former Ku Klux Klan leader David Duke. Last month, Duke bashed Minaj’s purported “disgusting and horrific and violent and drug-drenched” music: “Why do people blame blacks like Minaj? Because Minaj wouldn’t be a pimple on somebody’s rear end except for the fact that she is promoted by the Jewish record producers and the media, the mass media, the powerful media, that promotes absolute degenerates like her.”