Chris Brown’s “X” Is Bitter Progress

For so long, we’ve been subjected to talk of Chris Brown as the next Usher or Michael Jackson. And yet, Chris Brown’s catalog does not include widely praised albums like Off The Wall,Confessions, or even a Don’t Be Cruel. Brown is very much an artist of the day—someone able to churn out a radio hit on command (even in the midst of scandal)—though if you are touted as an act whose talent recalls the megastars of yore, eventually you’re going to have to put out a product that speaks to that.

X, the Virginia native’s six studio album, is not that album, but is certainly a step in the right direction. Based on recent interviews, Chris Brown appears more self-aware and ready for reflection, a quality that has carried over to his music. In the album’s opener, the Diplo-produced title track boasts of lines like “I can make you a believer if I turn the nonsense down.” There are more scornful remarks—“If you’re only as good as the company you keep, then I’ma blame you for what they say about me”—but even that may speak to his truth: It’s not always his fault.

The fair trade of blame carries over to his duet with Brandy, “Do Better.” It feels like Christmas to hear Chris Brown sing, “I learn more and more each day. I don’t know me. It’s like I can’t get out of my own way.” Brandy sings that same line, only when she does, I think less about guilt and more along the lines of, “Why don’t I hear Brandy on the radio anymore?” The last time I did, it was her Chris Brown-featuring single “Put It Down.” The two have remarkable chemistry, so here’s hoping Moesha makes a mental note of that as she reportedly works on new music.

In any event, on the solemn “Autumn Leaves,” Brown examines a fleeting love with splendid gloominess and a level of sensitivity typically not associated with him (for good reason). And then there’s the song’s guest, Kendrick Lamar, who more or less speaks on Brown’s behalf about redemption as the 25-year-old singer embarks on yet another attempt to move beyond his past mistakes in the public eye. What’s interesting about that, though, is that if Chris Brown wanted people to see him as a more nuanced person, he would’ve done better releasing tracks like these as opposed to “Loyal.”

No matter how catchy “Loyal” is, it’s melodic misogyny drenched in ego and materialism. Chris has to get radio airplay, but there is a way to be contemporary without being so contemptuous. Enter “Drunk Texting,” featuringJhené Aiko. It’s a song you can bop to without shouts of how awful “these bitches” are. So much of today’s R&B is soiled by the over-compensating machismo often found in rap. It all sounds angry, and while anger is a valid emotion, exhibiting too much of it has its limitations and consequences. Chris Brown should grasp this by now, so it’s refreshing to see him switch his style of emoting.

Read the rest at Complex.

Love & Hip Hop Hollywood: Vagisil and Violent Women

Remember when Teairra Mari was singing about not having a daddy around when she was growing up? It’s a shame only roughly seven of y’all gave a fuck ‘cause she ultimately found herself dropped from her label and tossed into the same R&B cage now home to other lost songbirds like Gina Thompson, Mona Lisa, and Amerie with the extra “I.” And yet, mere minutes into the series premiere of Love & Hip Hop: Hollywood, Teairra swears she is fighting to get people to see that she still “eats and breathes music.” Maybe, but so far Teairra’s menu looks less focused on studio time and more centered on a diet of beef and brown liquor.

As Tearria explained to publicist-turned-rapper (this is Los Angeles, in a nutshell) Hazel-E, the roommate she hasn’t seen in forever ‘cause she’s been “house sitting,” she is still reeling from the fallout of her relationship with Ray J. I know what you you’re thinking: Who still obsesses over Ray J in 2014? Short answer is Detroit birds with clipped wings. In any event, Teairra and Ray have been dating “off, on, and on for nine years.” That is, until she “saw them hoes’ pictures in his phone”—resulting in Ray J subsequently being “caught with a right hook.” Ray J’s assistant substantiated those remarks by reminding Ray, who invited Teairra to his blog launch party, that she is good for fighting after drinking one too many.

Ray doesn’t care because, like Peter Gunz and Stevie J before him, he’s a serialdater and overall egomaniac who feeds off of the attention. Before Teairra acts up at Ray J’s blog party, the two meet up in a parking lot—probably because Ray might need witnesses for police statements that may need to be filed. She wanted to let Ray J know just how much he hurt her. Plus, she would like the expensive bag he bought her back. She didn’t get it last night, but upon arriving to Ray’s party, Ray’s new girl informed her that she went into the bag and snapped shots of its contents, which included Vagisil. Teairra threw a drink at her, though it was likely just ice, as I doubt she’d waste alcohol.

Ray said he had to end his relationship with Teairra because it was “toxic” due to her violence. As wrong as it is for a man to attack a woman, it’s equally wrong for someone like Tearria Mari to not only boast about swinging on Ray J, but threatening to do it again. That’s how people–male or female–end up knocked out. Still, she’s certainly one big ball of emotions and that makes for good TV.

While it remains to be seen if Teairra Mari will manage to pull a K. Michelle and use this VH1 attention to cultivate a musical comeback, a star is born all the same. Already, I can see a future episode of Iyanla, Fix My Life featuring Teairra Mari. Close your eyes and envision the yelling, beloveds.

Keeping with the theme of crazy women, meet Moniece Slaughter, Lil’ Fizz’s baby mama. Wait, he’s just Fizz now. Respect. Anyhow, Moniece doesn’t have custody of the child they share together because she’s batshit crazy and a lil’ violent. Crazy as in he had to file a restraining order against her after she allegedly tried to slam a baby seat into his car window. She doesn’t even know where Fizz lives, but I mean, can you blame him when the woman says things like “I’ve been playing it cool since he likes to throw restraining orders around?” And she delivers that line in the confessional with such a calm in her eyes that I can’t help but think she is Hannibal Lecter with a Malaysian weave.

Fizz has a new bae in his life, though, so expect future altercations between those two in the future. By the way, Moniece–an apparent singer-songwriter–is trying to launch a line of heated dildos. Ladies, if you want your coochies to catch a 107-degree fever, Moniece got you.

Read the rest at Complex.

A Review Of All 19,000 Songs on Chris Brown’s “X”

Credit for this Sinbad-like sight of Chris Brown goes to Billboard.

There are two things I haven’t done in an extremely long time: blow the dust off this blog long enough to write an original post and willfully listen to a Chris Brown album in full. Despite having already written three essays today, I randomly decided to do a track-by-track review of Breezy’s new album X. All hail caffeine for whom all blessings flow. Well, besides The Lord and my lord and gyrator, Beyoncé. I will try to be less of a deadbeat dad to this site, but like many trifling dads, I make no promises.

1. “X”

Wait. This song sounds way better than I remember. Is it the headphones? Being in a more centered state and shit? Unclear, but I now like this. Wait, no I don’t. I hate the beat switch. The production value on this is not it. This would have been better with a live band. This young man needs to learn to appreciate the value of musicians. Where is Quincy Jones ghost when you need it? Oh, he’s still alive. My bad, but you get it.

2. “Add Me In”

The kid is limber, but who knew he is flexible enough to ride Michael Jackson’s dick all the way in heaven? Or well, maybe purgatory ’cause let’s no pretend there weren’t ghosts surrounding the King of Pop. Pun intended. That aside, I like this song.

3.  “Loyal” featuring Lil’ Wayne & Tyga

Girl, fuck this song. Now and forever.

4. “New Flame” featuring Usher & Rick Ross

Who produced this? A crafty, but too self-assured eight-year-old who just discovered Garage Band? Chris Brown loves messing up potential with poor production value.

5. “Songs On 12 Play” featuring Trey Songz

This sounds like the audible equivalent of giving R. Kelly a hand job. Chris Brown is younger and occasionally prone to tune it up, so perhaps Pissy appreciates the gesture. It’s somewhat clever – flipping classic R. Kelly song titles into a homage-paying song all its on. However, didn’t The-Dream already do this with his entire catalog — including one song in particular?

6. “101 (Interlude)”

Janet Jackson did it better. Hell, Keri Hilson did it better, too.

7. “Drown In It” featuring R. Kelly

Pissy sure is an arrogant motherfucker. We already know how he likes to get down with respect to waterworks in sex, but this pedophile refuses to exercise even the faintest bit of guilt or self-awareness.

8. “Came To Do” featuring Akon

This song must’ve been recorded in 2005 because that’s the only way I can conceive why anyone would still be collaborating with Akon? Out of respect for my mama, who loved “Locked Up,” I won’t say anything else. Just kidding. This song blows harder than Apol

And did he sample himself? Have more ambition with that blond hair, Christopher.

9. “Stereotype”

Although I’ve already seen his nudes, I will reiterate that Chris Brown has some pretty big balls releasing a song called “Stereotype” given everything we’ve come to learn about Chris Brown. Unfortunately, that irony is the most interesting thing about this song. Maybe if I’m drunk at a bar (likely a gay one, the straight ones will still be playing “Loyal”) I might sing the hook to be cordial to my friends obsess with his ass, but I hope not.

10. “Time In Love”

Immediately thought no. Three minutes and 30 seconds later: still no. I’m kidding. I didn’t finish this shit.

11. “Lady In A Glass (Interlude)”

“Lady in the glass dress, I can see right through you.” I’m not doing this. Next.

12. “Autumn Leaves” featuring Kendrick Lamar

I’m a fan of reflective bop, so sold. Shout out to Kendrick Lamar for telling this angry, damaged sum’bitch “you’re reaping what you sow.”

13. “Do Better” featuring Brandy

I’m so sick of hearing Chris Brown insult “bitches.” He hates women and it’s grating to hear a man known for abusing women continue his war cries against them in song. In any event, this is a good song if you’re into that ultra moody subgenre of R&B. Brandy sounds nice albeit unbelievable singing “You niggas is basic.” Okay, Moesha. These two have great chemistry.

14. “See You Around”

This, like Beyoncé “Best I Never Had,” has production take takes cues from the music that plays in the background of your DVD cleaner. I never want to hear this again. And I won’t.

15. “Don’t Gone Be Too Long”

I wish someone would explain to Christopher that the Cash Money method of album making is passé. He could’ve let this on the cutting room floor, or at least sold it to some indiscernible pop star dying to score a mini-hit the world will forget about by the end of this sentence.

16. “Body Shots”

Talented as he is as a performer, to some degree a songwriter, and if you’re in a giving mood, singer, Chris Brown is not much of an artiste. He’s to forward-leaning music as Express is to pushing fashion into new frontier.

“I’m about to do some shots, in your pussy, baby.”

Chris Brown sings about sex like a boy still itching to touch his first boob, or in certain circles, accidentally on purpose run jock first into the kind of boy he likes from behind in gym. This sucks. So much. Jesus.

17. “Drunk Texting” featuring Jhené Aiko

If there’s any R&B artist right now who can properly articulate the perils of drunk texting, it would be Jhené Aiko. As soon as the song started, I went, “Oh, bitch.” Then my body proceeded to bop on its on. Hashtag birdgang. Jhené songs great and equally great singing alongside Chris Brown’s vocals. If he released this right now, it would play nonstop on radio for several months. Actually, that would be awesome for Jhené. Quit playing, Breezy: release this as a single. I can already see myself drunk texting some boy and then turning this song on after. I’ll stripper kick and then reminisce over you. I already see it.

18. “Lost In Ya Love”

Took about 30 seconds for me to put one arm in the ear. Took 30 more for me to silently whisper in my head, “Hey, daddy.” God, let’s forget this ever happened. That is, until I put this on repeat. It’s not remarkable, but it’s subtle, bop-inducing, and sang well. You know, quality R&B. Do that more often, Chris. You’re quite good at it.

19. “Love More” featuring Nicki Minaj.

Like many songs featuring Nicki Minaj, Nicki Minaj is the only reason to give this song a listen. Team Minaj, ya bitch.

20. “Don’t Think They Know” featuring Aaliyah

This is still way better than the Aaliyah vocal-lifting Drake did on “Enough Said.”

21. “Fine China”

I’ll never forgive you people for not making this a bigger hit than it should have been. Never.

“Love & Hip Hop Atlanta” Reunion Recap Part 3: Joseline Needs Therapy, Mimi Needs A Clue, And We All Need A Break

The final installment of the Love & Hip Hop Atlanta reunion launched into what has been the biggest story of the season: Mimi and Nikko’s porn. Less than 30 seconds into the conversation, I was annoyed. Mimi remains in denial about Nikko and Nikko remains in denial about Nikko. Thankfully, Deb Antney was there to cut through the bullshit—presumably with the razor blade she occasionally slides underneath her tongue.

Frustrated, Deb—who should’ve been the host of this reunion show (me next, though)—flat out explained to Nikko, “You gotta own up to what you do. That’s what makes it believable.” Nikko was unmoved, but Deb went on to add, “You know. I know. The world know that that was all set up.”

Nikko refused to take a lie detector test, claiming he has nothing to prove to anyone—proving he’s a lying-ass liar. After Deb hit Nikko upside the head with the truth, Ariane proceeded to unload on him—calling him a misogynist asshole. Erica Dixon doesn’t like him either. As for the rest of the cast, an overwhelming majority of them agreed that Nikko leaked the tape in an impromptu poll.

When it came to Mimi’s feelings on the tape, she remained defiant, professing that the deal she made will leave her financially secure for the rest of her life. She went on to note that she and Nikko are the first Blacks the porn company have done business with. Yes, while defending her choice to make porn with the off-brand version of her baby daddy, she was trying to get featured in a future adult Black History program for breaking barriers in porn.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mimi Faust: The Madam CJ Walker of coochie crooking.

When it came time to talk about Nikko’s marriage, he continued to say that he did not lie to her. Like, this mush-mouthed fool said, “I didn’t lie to her. She never asked the question.” Once again, Deb Antney was reasonable and asked Nikko that if he knew Mimi had just left a relationship in which she was cheated on, why would he not be completely transparent with her about his marriage? Nikko said, “I didn’t hold anything back from you except my marriage.”

Yet, Mimi revealed that they were still having sex. She said in that typical, obnoxious and pathetically defensive way that viewers have become accustomed to. She also added, “I don’t have anyone to have sex with.” Apparently Mimi has since learned the value of masturbation, taking to Twitter to say she and Nikko are done and she’s dealing with her dildo exclusively.

It’s a shame that Mimi Faust and Joseline Hernandez, Baby haven’t managed to get along yet. They could do a traveling play called For Colored Girls Who Turn To Horrible Men When Self-Worth Isn’t Enuf. Speaking of the Puerto Rican Princess, she is just as bad as Mimi is when it comes to not taking responsibility. The same goes for not seeing a bad situation even when it slides into you on a regular basis.

Read the rest at Complex.

Love & Hip Hop Atlanta Reunion Recap, Part 2: “Joseline All On They Mouth Like Likka”

I don’t excuse Joseline Hernandez and Stevie J going on the attack at the end of part one of the Love & Hip Hop Atlanta reunion. You know, violence is never the answer, blah, blah, hug don’t thug, etc. However, their cast mates have their damn nerves trying to give teases of Iyanla Vanzant as if we haven’t been presented with their fuck shit for 15-plus episodes (in addition to their antics in previous seasons.)

Hearing Momma Dee—an ex-pimp who was ready to have a mama vs. mama battle last season—try to condemn violent acts is awfully hysterical. Your reputation precedes you, Momma Dee, and as much as I like you and wish you well on dreams of booking club venues to cover Anita Baker tracks, you’re acting pretty high and mighty considering you’re the proud owner of a domestic violence dabbling son.

Likewise, Joseline’s ex-manager turned Mimi Faust freeloader Dawn has some gall bad mouthing Joseline when she’s not around. Oh, you’re worried about Joseline being a drug addict, Dawn? You’re concerned about her insecurity to boot? That’s interesting considering your biggest grip with Joseline all season long is that she stopped paying you commission—leading you to go freeload off of Mimi Faust. You’re the same person who actively tried to convince Mimi that becoming a porn star and getting blog hits canceled out whatever other consequences would come from selling ass on camera. Dawn, the next time you attempt to cry on camera, don’t forget the tears. Crying without tears is like only putting the tip in: People feel you, but not really.

As for Mimi, at this point we should all agree that this woman is in an abusive relationship with the truth. I howled when mere seconds after telling host Sommore that she said nothing about Joseline backstage, we were greeted with footage of Mimi in fact trashing Joseline—resulting in Joseline going upside her head, too. I’m so sick of this shower rod-riding porn star acting above it all. This is the same woman who has repeatedly jumped into someone’s face in an act of provocation. Don’t believe me. Just ask K. Michelle. Hell, isn’t that why you got smacked with flowers this time last year, home girl?

But hey, let Mimi tell it, Joseline is the coward.

Meanwhile, Rasheeda must’ve loved Joseline and Stevie being escorted out of the building because there was no other way she’d be given this much more airtime. Rasheeda, you’re nice and all, but I’d rather not hear lessons on what makes a “secure woman” from Mrs. Kirk Frost. God bless, though.

And Erica, do not behave like a YouTube prophet. Joseline’s attire was not an indicator that she was ready to fight. She didn’t want to dress in formal wear like the rest of y’all because she’s a former stripper who currently body builds. Much of her life has been spent being rewarded for nakedness. Of course her ass doesn’t like wearing a lot of clothes.

Thankfully, Karlie Redd highlighted that Benzino is just as “territorial” as Joseline is described as being. While the cast is piling on Joseline (never mind that Stevie and Benzino really jumped off this entire brawl), they all neglected to note that during the brouhaha, Benzino is shouting at Joseline, “I bust you in your mouth. Yeah, bitch. I did that. I did that. I did that.”

Why are you so proud of swinging on a woman, Benzino?

And Ariane, I love you, but Joseline’s greeting for you is magic: “What’s up, fake ass ho?”

Same goes for her telling Ariane, “Give me my nigga hand back.”

Since when we’re talking Ariane, she told Nikko—who was MIA when Mimi and Joseline got into it—“I just feel like he could’ve fought to get to her.”

This is from the woman who was on the scene at the time and didn’t lift a finger to assist Mimi. Again, still love you, Ariane, but c’mon nah.

Read the rest at Complex.

Love & Hip Hop Atlanta Reunion Recap, Part I: “Scrappy’s Women, Karlie’s Feet”

Considering word immediately leaked that a brawl broke out during the taping of the Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta reunion, everything else feels secondary. It’s akin to this year’s VMAs: The brawl is Beyoncé and everyone else involved with the program is the de facto opening act. Even so, there were highlights during the pre-Beyoncé portion of the show—say, Nicki Minaj finally learning how to properly bounce that new piece of equipment – and the same goes for this show.

Most of them dealt with Lil’ Scrappy and his long running penchant of treating his relationships like a game of duck, duck, goose. At one point during the reunion, Scrappy reveals that he sometimes wonders whether or not he should be alone because he doesn’t feel like a good person. I don’t know Scrappy to know whether or not he’s a good person, though he does remind me of the trap equivalent of that homegirl you know who can’t ever go a day without having a man. That’s why he always looks to keep his options open. Hello, Erica P., The Bambi, and oh, you, too, Erica Dixon.

The Bambi and Erica P. continued the petty back and forth, but in all honesty, both can fall through a trap door. Erica P. is right to feel led on by Scrappy, but who does she think she’s fooling when she says she turned Scrappy down and he’s #madaboutit? Young Lady, your entire story arc with Scrappy can be summed up with the lyrics of Ginuwine’s “Pony.” Cut it out.

As for The Bambi, she described Erica P. as “an aspiring side chick,” only to be hit with the following reminder from Erica Dixon: “Why you so brass when you was quick to fuck him when we was engaged? You know what it’s like to be in her position.”

Oops, upside ya head. Said oops upside ya head.

To be fair to The Bambi, if there’s anyone who knows what it is with Momma Dee’s heir (to the kingdom in her mind), it’s her. I suspect much of that has to do with the fact that being with Scrappy secures her airtime on VH1. After all,Basketball Wives LA producers didn’t want her back and mama can’t keep a steady club booking rate without a hit TV show to her Google search. And since her relationship with Benzino didn’t work, she gon’ get that work off Scrappy. Whatever works, Bam.

That said, I did see her face crack a lil’ bit after Erica Dixon noted that very recently, she and the father of her baby girl linked. Or as she put it, “Whose coochie was you eating?” Goodness, I love you, Erica Dixon.

Scrappy was asked to take a lie detector test, which he initially refused to participate in before ultimately giving in. The results were: He was lying. He ate Erica out. Erica had way too many details about it: She was outside playing Uno, drinking, and then the two went back inside to watch movies on her couch. Then he woke her up, pulled those panties down and made it rain, trick. What was Scrappy’s response? “I don’t recall that.”

He didn’t recall the hotel hookup a week before the reunion taping either. He either has amnesia or needs to hit up an AA meeting. Or you know, just stop lying.

Following Scrappy’s romantic melodrama, we looked back on Kirk and Rasheeda’s less awful season. In sum, they’re okay. I like Rasheeda, but not enough to care for their marital problems anymore. Shout out to the Georgia Peach and her hair stylist, though, for their lovely tribute to “Superfly” Jimmy Snuka.

Read the rest at Complex.

“Love & Hip Hop Atlanta” Recap: “Scumbalaya”

It took 17 episodes, but Mimi Faust has finally realized what many of us quickly picked up on in the previous season: Nikko is an opportunist. Hold your applause, people. Yes, Mimi completed the marathon, but by the time she crossed the finish line, everyone else was icing their knees and sipping a smoothie as they hopped in their cars to drive home.

Since we’re on things that have been chopped, Mimi confronted Nikko in the studio ‘cause you know, back in the day he had a record deal and these 15 minutes of fame he’s got are prime iTunes single-selling time. However, from the lil’ snippet of lip syncing to heavily autotuned vocals we were treated to, Nikko sounds like his vocal chords were in an abusive relationship with a samurai sword. Needless to say, I won’t be copping his latest single, “Shower Rod.”

While talking, Mimi went from 0 to 100 real quick (oh Lord), yelling at Nikko and invading every decimeter of his personal space. We’ve seen this show before, Mimi, and per your usual timing comes across as too little, too late. As much as one understands how Mimi came to be the pariah magnet that she is, when will she break the pattern—starting with securing the services of a psychologist? Eh, not the season finale. Hashtag sadness.

At the very end of the episode, Mimi turned to Stevie J for support. Stevie J offers about as much support as an old bra with a missing cup and strap, but if you want to get back on that bus, Mimi, good luck and God bless. Hell, may Beyoncé and Janet Jackson bless you, too. You’re going to need all the help you can get.

Case in point, Stevie J saying: “I know I’ve made Mimi cry over and over again, but to know that someone else made her cry? Drives me crazy.”

Negro, gon’ somewhere.

I sure hope Joseline, who is practically Mimi Jr. minus the ESL classes, eventually has her exhale (shoop, shoop) moment long before she hits her 40s. She had her own dealings with Stevie J last night following Benzino telling Stevie J that Joseline allegedly had been sleeping with her driver.

Before we get to that, riddle me this: Throughout this entire season we have seen Joseline drive herself to and from every damn location. So, where did this driver come from? Is it the same place Nikko’s roommate came from? I mean, if he’s been married for several years, why did he have a roommate? Am I ruining the moment by asking these questions?

Unsolved mysteries aside, Joseline was ready for Stevie J to confront her about the rumors after Karlie Redd shot her a text, filling her in. I like Karlie Redd for being admittedly nosy as hell. Also, I take back what I said in a previous recap. Karlie isn’t the Pearl from 227 of LHHATL, “grandpapa” Benzino is.

Thing is, though, Stevie didn’t want to talk to Joseline about the rumors about her; he wanted to own up to sleeping with Althea. The accusations about her vaginal activity only came up during their argument. An argument that led to Joseline letting the tears flow as she complained about her “husband” taking her computer and Chanel purses whenever he’s upset with her. See, that’s the problem with calling your bae “daddy” all the time.

To Joseline’s credit, when Stevie once again tried to say that he gave her the life, “You ain’t give me shit. I gave it to myself because I worked.” I want her to believe this all the time. The sooner she does, the faster she’ll realize she doesn’t need to date a Geppetto. I want to start a Kickstarter to get her a self-worth transplant. Y’all down to contribute?

Read the rest at Complex.

“Love & Hip Hop Atlanta” Recap: Mimi and Stevie J Admit the Obvious

Mimi is the slowest bus in the HOV lane. I know, I know. She’s still reeling from the loss of her father, so I could stand to be a bit more sensitive. I’d rather not, and in my defense, Mimi been on that bullshit, which is why I say Mimi Faust is that friend you debate giving your new cell phone number to. She’s the kind of person who when met with a love tap by reality, would rather file a battery report versus just accepting the gift of truth. It takes a very special kind of friend to put up with that kind of persona. That said, I hereby declare her friend Ariane the Patron Saint of Putting Up With Worrisome People—and I have never been happier to be a big ass heathen.

This week’s episode kicked off with Mimi confronting Nikko about reports that he is married. Nikko nonchalantly acknowledged that he is indeed married and had no intention of ever disclosing that tidbit of information to his girlfriend. When prompted more about why he didn’t feel the need to do so, all he said was, “The question was never asked until now”—totally missing the point that one shouldn’t have to ask their boyfriend if they have a wife somewhere. Keeping up with the theme of feigned aloofness, all Nikko could say to Mimi about her anger is “I don’t get it.”

Of all the times Mimi has huffed and puffed and cussed someone smooth out, she opted out of doing so during this conversation. Way to not seize the moment, Mimi.

Knowing that people were going to find out about Nikko the same way she did, Mimi sat Ariane and Erica down to explain the situation while ultimately revealing the truth about that porno she shot with someone’s husband. Y’all, even after explaining that Nikko is a lying ass liar, she still sat there in front of her friends denying the possibility that Nikko leaked the tape himself. But after being called out on the production value of her porn, Mimi noted, “The initial tape was homemade.”<

Let Mimi tell it, the production company told them that they didn’t provide enough footage for a full release, so they went and shot some more. Honestly, this is about as big a reveal as Mimi saying she was born with a vagina. However, I am glad she did finally acknowledge that she is a porn actress because based on the preview of the tape, it looked like they fucked in an Extended Stay America room out in Marietta, Georgia, with catering service provided by Gladys Knight’s Chicken in Waffles in the next room.

When asked why she didn’t divulge the whole part of reshooting the sex scenes, Mimi said she didn’t feel the need to. Surprise, surprise: She only wants to tell the truth after feeling burned by her Forever 21 version of Stevie J. Either way, it explains her attraction to both men. She has a love-hate relationship with the truth, too. The scene ended in anger—Mimi’s—after she got super defensive over accusations that Nikko and his wife may be tag teaming that ass for a come up.

Later, Mimi would calm herself down to meet with Nikko’s old roommate. Yes, that same roommate K. Michelle claimed was actually Nikko’s homie, lover, friend. I don’t know how true that is, but I will say watching the scene of the two had me humming, “Woman to woman, have you ever been in love?” In any event, it only lent more credence to the “Nikko is using you, girl” theme by revealing that Nikko had long admitted to wanting to get Mimi on tape.

I bet Mimi still keeps Nikko around, though. Ariane, God bless you.

In related you ain’t shit news, Stevie J took a break from sociopathy to tell Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta superfan Snoop Dogg that he smashed Althea in Benzino’s house.

Read the rest at Complex.

“Love & Hip Hop Atlanta” Recap: Momma Dee and Thi Thi Wanna Sing

Thanks to what presumably was an attempt to create a strong lead-in for its newer shows—the awkward Dating Naked and the hilarious Candidly Nicole, respectively—we were treated to a second episode of Love & Hip Hop Atlantalast Thursday. It continued from immediately where we left off on Monday—Karlie Redd discovering that Yung Joc was not out of town on business and was instead with his chauffeur-realtor-semi-annual sidepiece. You know, the one who looks like Nivea in her second trimester. Anyhow, Karlie Redd confronts them and asks Joc a very pertinent question: “How the hell do you go from here to a fat bitch?”

See, Karlie, it’s fine to be upset about being cheated on, but don’t shame the chubby chasers. Some people enjoy love handles and that’s perfectly fine. As the two went back and forth, it was clear Joc was enjoying the confrontation and the screen time way too much. For all the Karlie Redd-bashing he did—calling her a “dumb broad” for still fucking with him after he came home smelling like he hosted someone else’s vagina monologue—she’s the only reason he has a storyline. So, point goes to Karlie Redd, though I have to giveJoc some acknowledgement for the line, “You know you’ve been diagnosed with THOTism.”

Well played, sir.

After that exchange came a serious conversation between Mimi and DebAntney, which kicked off with Deb declaring, “Me and Mimi have some things in common: pain.” Deb says she wants to serve as a mother figure for Mimi. Mimi sure could use one (along with a therapist), especially if you recall what we learned about Mimi’s Scientologist mama in the first season. The story is even worse than we thought as Mimi revealed that she was conceived during her mother’s affair with her biological father, whom she didn’t meet until she was 16. Her mother handed her a piece of paper with his name and that was that. Good grief this is woman damaged.

Speaking of bad things, Mimi did agree to meet with Stevie J only to leave before finishing her drink, ‘cause after he vaguely acknowledged he was wrong for disrespecting her on the day her father died, he proceeded to bash “Freakko.” Of course, everyone on Planet Earth who watches this show agrees that Nikko ain’t it, but I guess when you embarrass the absolute shit out of your baby mama on national television you can’t be all “He can’t lead you and then take you. Make you and then break you. Darlin’, you hold the power.”

Now, on to my favorite portion of the episode: Althea’s musical debut (on the show).

Althea used to be signed to Def Jam and Foxy Brown’s label or something back in the day. Plus she apparently studied ballet, jazz, and tap, which suggests she could’ve been a Mýa if she hadn’t been such a hater bitch. None of that was evident in her performance last night, though. No shade, but when your name is Althea you’ve got to move better than Ashanti.

Perhaps boo-loving with Benzino kept her away from practice, but Thi Thisounded out of breath and in need of a flashlight to find the pitch. As for those dance moves, she was dancing like a stripper on the last half hour of her shift who become even more exhausted upon realizing that she still has to go home and make that double cheeseburger macaroni Hamburger Helper for her kids.

However, everybody can’t be Beyoncé, or even Ciara, so it’s all good, Thi Thi. I have since listened to the studio version of “Ghetto Love” and that shit knocks. It’s a thot bop, but if you’re into Thot ‘N B like me that won’t deter you. Some people will hate, but I’m Team Motherfucking Thi Thi.

Read the rest at Complex.

“Love & Hip Hop Atlanta” Recap: Stevie J Doesn’t Care If Your Daddy Died

When someone informs you that their parent has fallen gravely ill and subsequently dies, that’s everyone’s cue to momentarily shut the hell up about whatever grievance they have. Mimi’s homegirls got the memo on last week’s edition of Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta, though Stevie J decided to opt out of exhibiting basic human decency. It’s like you know he got the message because he opted to turn on iMessage’s read receipt, but he decided to get defensive and be inconsiderate all the same.

Following a radio interview in which Mimi apparently took shots at Stevie J for allegedly not paying child support, Stevie J called Mimi to threaten her (and then called her a “ho” before hanging up in her face) and went on to shoot her a text that said “Karma is a bitch” on the day her father died. Some of us can recall the text in question given Mimi uploaded a screenshot of it toInstagram. I’m not sure if Stevie J is upset with Kirk Frost for taking his “Worst Man On Basic Cable Ever” title away from him, but if he’s trying to get that crown back, this is the way to go about it.

After Mimi told her what all went down, Ariane reached out to Stevie J in order to find out “why you acting such an ass, Stevie?” Stevie acknowledges that he shouldn’t have been such an evil asshole towards her, but hates that Mimi acts as if she did the sex tape to support their daughter. While I agree with Stevie that Mimi is trying to come up with excuses on why she made that porn with the Stevie J knockoff, there needed to be a trap door on set for him to fall through the minute he played dumb as to why Mimi has been behaving the way she has. You can’t fuck somebody up in the head and then be like “Why you got a headache, girl?” Ariane may overstepped her boundaries by telling Stevie J that she suspects Mimi did that porn in order to get back at him, but it sounds pretty damn accurate all the same.

They’re equally right about their assessment of Nikko, but Mimi nonetheless feels that when it comes to people who truly hold her down, all she has is her XXX co-star and her daughter. Pray for that misguided woman, America.

Although Stevie J has yet to make amends with Mimi, he’s done a good job of calmingJoseline down after making her feel like the post-arrest Farrah Franklin to Mimi’s Beyoncé. How did “The Good Guy” who is more like a soulful sociopath please his (probably pretend) bride? Setting up a music video shoot for her, naturally.

Here’s my thing about Joseline, the recording artist. I don’t fault the woman for wanting to do music influenced by her Puerto Rican culture, but do they realize that most of us watching them every Monday on VH1 only understand Spanish in the context of “more guac, please?” I mean, yes, expand your market, Puerto Rican Princess, but as far as actually launching your music career goes, you need to be thinking Trina, not trap Gloria Estefan in the interim.

Read the rest at Complex.