Look everyone: The recording industry dipped Katy Perry in Hershey’s kisses and created yet another banal pop song knee deep in stereotypes guised as some sort of cutesy anthem. Can you feel my excitement seeping through this post? I can barely prevent myself from spinning around and flying into the sky and dry humping a fucking rainbow in a state of euphoria.
I don’t know Simone Battles because I don’t watch The X-Factor, but I know enough to complain. I can’t tell whether or not she can even sing since her voice has been computerized enough to make even Britney Spears wonder, “Damn, girl. Where you even there when the recorded this song?” I’ll let you actual viewers fill me in about her vocal ability later.
I do imagine Simone is probably a wonderful person. I mean, she has to be because super attractive men want to recreate scenes from Clueless with her while watching Desperate Housewives. I don’t even have that yet (although I’d prefer staring at Victor Rasuk on HBO and marveling at Julianna Margulies on CBS every Sunday). This guy even wants to do fun seemingly romantic (to her) things to like go shopping, get manicures, and talk about Lady Gaga’s Born This Way. You know, that album with the title track aggressively and transparently telling ab-happy homosexuals “don’t be a drag, just be a queen.”
But alas, as you can unfortunately see and hear love wasn’t meant to be. Fret not, though, because now Simone has a new gay best friend. What a special, special song. Almost like a sequel to My Gay Pet “Gay Best Friend.”
My official verdict on this song is if bulimics need target practice, direct them to a physical copy of this single. Okay, that was a little mean. Let me make amends. I promise to put five dollars towards her Match account or buying a clue if she drops this song into the abyss.
My initial reaction to Rihanna’s latest tribute to Europop, “We Found Love,” seemed to be a lot different than everyone else’s. It’s not that I feel that it isn’t a good video. Rihanna’s videos are always appeasing to the eyes whether they’re glorified extended cosmetic ads or something like this, which shows Rih-Rih pushing herself far more creatively than in previous videos that I can recall. As a whole “We Found Love” is very well done. Still, I am a bit irritated by it.
What spawned those feelings was the initial sight of pills flying all over the screen. Worse were the shots of her and what looks like Chris Brown as a gay man (or a better looking Arnez from One on One) freebasing on camera. Yes, I get it. The song has about 13 lyrics and seven of them are “we found love in a hopeless place.” Obviously, that hopeless place wasn’t a TGI Friday’s. So don’t worry, I understand the point of the video highlighting volatile relationships, how destructive they can be, and how co-dependency can often be misconstrued for love or soil love or whatever had her looking crazy as hell in the video.
My concern is Rihanna’s 14-year-old fans, a loyal bunch constantly ready to threaten to steal your nana’s insulin should you shade their supreme being, will miss much of that. As the day passed I was ready to let that fear go and just salute Rihanna for a well-made video.
What is so sexy about a slinky? Forgive me, I haven’t touched one since 1988 and therefore am unaware of its aphrodisiac appeal. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate the video. Who can hate a body of work that can take Reynolds Wrap (I’m assuming the recyclable kind because it’s on trend) and make it into something so pretty and sparky? Plus, Kelly even managed to hit up a local zoo and borrow Barbar to help her break it down.
Somebody’s appreciating that boost in the budget post “Motivation” peak on the charts. I see you, Kelly, and I’m sure one of the production assistants smelt your success. By the loads.
Alas, there are some things not to like about the “Lay It On Me” video. The first would be Kelly Rowland’s hair. I’m no owner of a Kim’s Beauty Supply, but I know wack weave when I see it. Kelly Rowland has an amazing body thanks to her trainer and surgeon. If you’re going snatch hair from the scalp of an unsuspecting Indian woman, the least you could do is mold it into something that better accentuates all of the other positives that Kelly’s got going for her.
The second problem I have stems with brand of jig used. Granted, I will probably do one of those little moves she does if this song comes on in the club (or my iPod shuffle puts it on in my car while I’m sitting in traffic, which is far more likely considering…). However, it’s a move I would have done on instinct anyway. It’s all basically a two-step and quick grind. Like, somebody’s current aunty could’ve helped craft that dance break. I read someone describe her dancing as “bish looks like she’s parking a car.” I have to agree: Kelly does have a parallel parking thrust going in throughout the video.
The biggest problem I have with the video is that it’s arriving so late the term “colored people time” would cut you for blatant disrespect. When I first heard “Lay It On Me,” I thought it sounded like that Keri Hilson song that pretends to be that Rihanna song. Or the Nicole Scherzinger that doing a similar impersonation. It’s since grown on me, though, which leaves me boggled as to why this video didn’t drop in the summer. It’s such a summery song. I suppose we ought to just celebrate Kelly even getting a second video.
I’m going to give Kelly Rowland some big ole praise for something: It seems like she’s finally getting it. Usually, I’m annoyed with people who fall back on sex because they haven’t a clue as to what else to do with their music and image. In Kelly’s case, I think it’s the smartest thing she could have ever done. I realize some people love Kelly doing rave music or what have you, but haven’t you been keeping up with the news? The Euro ain’t what it used to be. Neither is the dollar, but c’mon nah, if branching out no longer produces the same kind of check what is the point? She can watch American gay men dance to this song high as easy as she could some Europeans with the stuff David Guetta gives her.
Kelly has come home…and proceeded to toot it up. Anyone that has heard Kelly Rowland on Avant’s “Separated (Remix)” or “Bad Habit” or “Game Over” knows that she is great for straight R&B records. And sex music. I’m talking “Motivation,” “The Show” with Tank” and that new joint, “Slow Motion,” with Travis Porter. That works for her and “Lay It On Me” is still in the same family. I don’t mind Kelly doing uptempos. In fact, I encourage it. Who remembers Kelly boppin’ out Beyoncé to “Soldier” and twirking her life away on the dance breaks to “Lose My Breath?”
If she can’t be as much of a leader as some of the other girls in pop, she can at least work a format known to produce success. To quote the brilliant, Fresh, “Go and Sell That Ass, Girl.” I don’t object largely because Kelly seems to be able to do this without looking desperate like some of the other lessers. See this post for point of reference. So while the video isn’t perfect and it’s late like hell, Kelly gets a gold star as it is decent in the end. Well, she deserves a silver one, but the sight of Big Sean gave her an upgrade. Same for her Harem of Homeboys that she keeps around.
Next time, though, Kelly, try to angle Big Sean in a way that makes me think of Hammertime.
For years now, I’ve shaded the state of California for lifting their dances from rappers in Dallas, Texas. And before you dare try it, see Lil’ Will’s Dougie and a dance called the rack daddy. Yeah, I thought so.
So yes, a few rappers out in sunny Cali have a problem with taking things that don’t belong to them. It’s shame, too, considering their rich history of originality. However, I have to give it to California rappers: One of them has tried to come up with their own thing.
As soon as I giveth, I must now taketh away: This is the worst dance I’ve seen since that shit Missy tried to get us to do in the “Get Ur Freak On” video. I wish CaliKiddRome all the luck in the world with his rap career, but this dance isn’t the move. In fact, this dance looks a lot like that same move Chilli is always doing on stage whenever TLC performs.
I mean, technically it has all of the components of a mindless dance that would get kids and people like who me who should know better to embrace it. The song attached to it offers a simple yet familiar beat. The song’s lyrical content is so dense that no one ever really remembers any of the lines until the song is playing (and even then it’s just the hook). Everything is there except the dance itself. The nonsense they’re doing in this clip makes you long for the sophistication of dances like “Laffy Taffy.”
By the way, I’d like to know what is Kel Mitchell doing in the video? Keenan is on Saturday Night Live and this is all you’ve got to do, man? Maybe they saw him drunk at a local taqueria and said to him, “Hey, wanna be in a video?” That’s the only way his cameo will make sense to me.
As for the other trendy folks who take part in the presentation of “G Swagg,” I’d like to note that I’ve actually seen fake Chad Hugo and the Justin Bieber impersonator out before. They were trying to have a House Party-like dance off at some random “fashion show” (that I went to see a friend…and an open bar). Had they not move like Kid ‘n Play high off too much medication for treatment of arthritis leg pain maybe more people would’ve joined in on the “fun.” All they did was sober me up.
I’m pretty sure California is much better than this. So with that said, I encourage the resident regional rappers to dust themselves off and try again. The G-Swagg isn’t going to happen. Trust me. No one outside of CaliKiddRome’s cousins are going to do this. He’ll probably have to pay his cousins in Fun Dip packets to do this on stage with him, too.
And Cali locals reading this blog, don’t take it as shade to you personally. You all still have the better weather and red velvet everything. Still, if you’re going to try and do a dance tune in the style of the South, you’ve got to do much better than this. Or hell, you know what? Go steal something else. Now I understand. Just pay homage this time.
I long for the days when the only person I knew named Marvin was a little green sexually ambiguous (re: gay) alien forever wondering where the kaboom was. Oh and you know, the singer, too, who I know realize is the source of the room (re: old studio). Yeah, may his ghost haunt Drake for this whining that irks the hell out of me.
I was never one of those people who took issue with Drake’s emo rap. Anyone who has heard this man gush over Lil’ Wayne can tell he’s obviously a sensitive soul. Unfortunately, this song could drive Ralph Tresvant into a violent rage. Seriously, guy, who is she? What did she do? More importantly, can you give me her number so I can call her and help smooth this out for you.
I’ll do whatever it takes to make it right for you so you can make it right for my ears.
I say that because I’m tired of these kind of songs. Like, dude, is this why Rihanna dropped you after she topped you? This maudlin ass record makes the tracks from 808s and Heartbreaks seem like they have the energy of the I’m Bout It soundtrack by comparison.
Oddly enough, I do like JoJo’s cover of this song but much of that has to do with my yearning for her to do an R&B album. Everyone else’s cover garners the same response I give Drake’s song: Ick. Yawn. Cringe. Stop.
And yeah, boom, splat, ka-pow, too.
This video has only intensified that sentiment. I literally started frowning less than 30 seconds into this. Herman Munster Jr. seems like an exceptionally nice man. So nice that I don’t believe his abuse of the word bitch. C’mon, guy, stop trying to play that role. We all know you say three Hail Mary’s for each time you say “bitches” on wax as soon as you leave the booth. You ain’t got to lie to kick nor do you have to insert the word that often in a song that I thought was supposed to be all sentimental and shit.
I gather that’s supposed to help roughen up the song, but all it does is make him look like an even bigger sourpuss. I would think that all but makes him appear as sexy as condom chewed up by a chihuahua to many.
Also, how much longer are we to expect Drake to agonize over his fear of fame? I don’t understand why he hasn’t gotten over that yet. Please tell me that this won’t be going on for the rest of his career. If he doesn’t want it he can gladly Fed Ex it on over to me. That way I can book sessions with Trey Songz easier.
Even worse, I realize that this song is going to encourage a bunch of drunk dials in the middle of the night where people pour out their hearts to a bunch of people who don’t give a shit. Yes, that’s particularly healthy.
Look, if someone calls you in the middle night in some pseudo whiney face on some “please, baby, baby, please” shtick, do me a favor and hang up on their asses. When they call back tell them, “I heard Drake in the background. You ain’t slick!”
And then hang up again. I’ll let you decide if you want to answer the sober call.
Anyone from Louisiana or in my case, Houston, has heard bounce music. I especially love bounce musi from the early to mid 1990s. You know, the really ignorant stuff I should be embarrassed to sing-a-long to but get over it less than a minute later. Among those song is “Punk Under Pressure” by Katey Red. Now, when I heard this song years ago I had no idea that Ms. Katey Red was born with a penis. You know, given most bounce artists didn’t have a video budget or at least the kind of pull to get their videos on any major music channel. I had no idea what she looked like so I had no clue. I don’t particularly care about Katey Red’s genitals one way or another so long as she keeps me entertained.
And trust me, this video entertains the hell out of me. When I finally did start going to go gay clubs – particularly the ones in Houston during breaks from Howard – I heard the latest from Ms. Red and her homegirl boy, Big Freedia. As danceable as it is, I’m not the wobbling kind. I usually just stand there and appreciate observe. No offense to wobblers who read. Some of the people I love most can bounce that ass like a tectonic plate in heat. In fact, one has told me stories about him dancing on stage with Katey Red’s full encouragement as she looked on nearby. That story will be told elsewhere, though.
I gather because these folks are shooting for crossover success (well, as much as a transgendered woman with a regional sound can), we see girls wobbling in the video versus the typical dudes (whom I’ve often seen do it much better with my own eyes, but I digress). Oh well. They shall overcome…at some gay club on a street in New Orleans I’d likely be afraid to be at (the black gay spots tend to be in the worst areas, which I usually get over but New Orleans is a different animal).
In the meantime, I’m just gonna laugh my ass off at this entire video.
I see in the comments section on YouTube some people are rambling on that Dr. King didn’t die so dancers FAT, NAE, REEDY, KEEDY, TRELL, and KEE bend over and bust it open. Yeah, I’ve seen college educated people with professional careers do the same dance moves. I understand that the abundance of this sort of imagery versus a more balanced look at us is a serious problem, but uh, I like bounce music so whatever. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
I am not about to get all heavy about a song called “Where Da Melph At?” by a transgendered rapper from New Orleans named Katey Red. Laugh or not. Toot it up or don’t. But, do peep Katey dressed like she’s showing off her Easter clothes collection. Also make note of the fan. She’s just her wig blowing in the wind, baybee.
Oh for those of you who aren’t familiar with bounce or “sissy bounce” as Katey and Big Freedia call it (and I abhor), feel free to check out the New York Times magazine’s wonderfully informative piece by clicking here.
I first heard about Odd Future several months go. I don’t remember how the group was described to me. I can only recall not caring enough to do any real digging afterwards. This despite seeing Tyler The Creator’s tweets in my timeline (which actually made me less incline to explore these dudes musically), falling into the Frank Ocean fan club, and coming across repeated articles about just how daring, bold, creative, or vile (depending on who you asked) OFWGKTA was. Yes, I’m only realizing the group’s full name is Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All and OFWGTKA is the acronym many people use when referencing them. Forgive me, I only bothered to listen to an actual Odd Future song about a month ago.
The song – which shall remain nameless because I couldn’t name it even if you offered to pay me commission - basically sounded like a bunch of teenagers who recently discovered profanity and epithets and wanted to join in the fun ’cause it’s all the rage. Overzealously, of course. Pretty much like the clip posted above. Naturally, that’s something super cute for the music critics to speak on.
But really, what the fk is the big deal about Odd Future?
They make their own beats: no samples. They are young and prodigal. They are anarchists — smart, and catchy ones. Their lyrics are dark and demented, and legitimately controversial.
I’ve long steered away from the music writing (professionally) so while I do love music and try to keep up, I don’t necessarily strive to do so if I don’t have to. In Odd Future’s case, I feel relieved because after finally breaking down and giving ‘em a listen I heard a bunch of noise. As in: “KILL PEOPLE! BURN SHIT! FUCK SCHOOL!”
Rihanna finally shoots a video that doesn’t make you think it ought to end with “Maybe she’s born with it. Maybe it’s Maybelline!” and she’s getting grief over it. I used to sometimes get annoyed when she would harp on being a rock star and employ it as a defense tactic for whatever criticism is leveled her way. Not that is isn’t true, but sometimes I think artists hide behind that veil in order to avoid taking any responsibility for what they release into the world. After having read some of the flack Rihanna has netted as a result of the “Man Down” video, I have a better understanding of why she’s so adamant about using the rock star defense.
It largely goes unsaid, but many take issue with Rihanna for not being the picture perfect celebrity domestic violence victim. While she didn’t exactly give that many people cause for concern, folks didn’t like that she didn’t throw Chris Brown under the bus. Nor did she cry on Oprah’s couch, lend her image to some “This could be you!” themed campaign ad, or any of the other things that you expect when a star faces deeply disturbing circumstances. She moved on on her own terms.
I believe that had she become a more vocal advocate about domestic violence it surely would have helped people in similar situations. Yet, not doing any of that was all within her right. The same applies to what she does in her art. She could’ve tied a pretty bow around the subject matter of the video, but she wanted a narrative that she believed was more realistic. Why should we fault her for it? Bad things happen to people and sometimes they allow anger to dictate their actions. In cases of rape, this should not be surprising to anyone. As great a cliché as it is to say, if you don’t want your child watching the video then behave accordingly. Or do your job and answer whatever questions that come from your child as a result of Rihanna doing hers.
Plus, in hindsight Rihanna not tackling rape in such a typical way might arguably help people who need to see things in a more nuanced fashion. The same for her going on with her life and career following her break up with Chris Brown. That’s one thing I have to give Rihanna credit for: She is interesting. There are times when I think her constant sexual innuendoes are repetitive, boring, and a cover for what some feel she may lack but we have to admit she has her moments when she proves she is necessary. You know, beyond the fact that she makes really great pop music and is a vision everywhere she goes.
Case in point, her interview in Rolling Stone. After you got past her rants about the joys of being spanked and tied up, she did offer a rather astute statement about the root of her sexual interests. She said, ”I do think I’m a bit of a masochist. It’s not something I’m proud of, and it’s not something I noticed until recently. I think it’s common for people who witness abuse in their household. They can never smell how beautiful a rose is unless they get pricked by a thorn.”
As someone who grew up constantly witnessing abuse, I read that comment and had to step back and think about what varying degree her words applied to me and people who faced similar circumstances. Rihanna might not do much in the way of ponying up any real answers to the topics and questions in which she raises (nor does she have to), but she does bring about dialogue. Considering she is very much a rock star, that’s really all we should be asking of her.
Let’s get all of the formalities out of the way first. Yes, I’ve seen Beyoncé’s new video. Of course, I am in love with it. Naturally, I think it’s the best video released so far this year. Actually, I do think it’s probably Beyoncé’s best video to date. Sure, she is putting your favorite to shame. No, I don’t care that you don’t like it. Uh, I’ll pass on arguing back and forth about it. Eh, if you think I have an obsession I think my genitals need a barber.
There, have we covered all of the basics? Seriously, if you like it, I love you, if you don’t, I still love you for caring enough to say so here (although, you should probably email this post to someone who does — they’ll like it more, no?). Anyway, I actually wanted to focus on the morons who are saying Beyoncé’s new video is yet another sign that she is a part of the Illuminati.
Yes, sights of Mufusa, those hating ass hyenas that took Simba’s daddy out, along with some wandering eye all has a village idiot near you thinking that if MTV still did Making The Video, the lost footage would show the devil teaching Beyoncé how to properly flip her hair while doing a sexy stanky legg.
I don’t understand you conspiracy theory loving dimwits are forever looking for the devil in a music video. Why aren’t you in Washington throwing holy water on your trifling ass congressperson and the lobbyist to which he or she serves? Don’t bother giving me an answer the requires a field trip to your acid-abusing friend’s YouTube channel. Just shut up.
Anyway, again, I love the video and since the world is apparently ending tomorrow I better get on the good foot and learn the Tofo Tofo two-step.
When I heard that Keri Hilson covered a Whitney Houston song not named “Whatchulookinat,” I assumed it was a Beyoncé stan cracking jokes to pass the time until the video for “Run The World (Girls)” premiered. Then I found out the story was real. My initial reaction was obvious: I’d rather hear Lil’ Boosie cover “Like A Virgin” than catch Keri Hilson covering Nippy’s “I Have Nothing.”
Man, where is Ursula The Sea Witch and a Deal or No Deal host when you need one?
I will say, though, the girl has confidence. Maybe some assumed she had none after the way she flung her vagina around the dungeon room in that God awful video for “The Way You Love Me,” but oh no, folks, it’s there. Why else would she dare to sing a Whitney Houston ballad?
Curiosity got the best me of way, so after listening to her rendition of the song while I give her credit for daring to dream, I hope the nightmare she gave her throat brings her back to reality. I’m not one of those people who think Keri Hilson can’t sing. I think she has a decent voice, only one for pop songs like “Beautiful Mistake” and “Happy Juice.” Or you know, one of those Timbaland tracks. But this here, this shit here, yeah, that ain’t it.
Someone has been whispering in this girl’s ear. I need her ear to buy a flyswatter.
There’s confidence and there’s delusion. Don’t ever confuse the two or you’ll end up sounding like you’re paying homage to the WB frog versus Whitney Houston’s songwriter. Okay, maybe it wasn’t that bad but it’s not that good either. Worse, it’s further perpetuating this new trend that is artists from the 00s ruining songs from the 1990s and late 80s that we love. This means you Omarion, Sammie, and a couple of other people whose names escape me for good reason. Stop it. Stop it right now.
Or, stick to something like this:
If it helps, Keri, dedicate this part to me:
“Messing with my reputation, ain’t even got no education! Trying to mess with my concentration, ain’t even got a clue w/ what I’m facing!”
I can totally see Keri killing the dance breakdown at the end.
P.S. Keri looked awesome. Gon’….and use that fit and cut for another song selection.
