Judging from the way she pronounced “YouTube” it was easy to peg her as a resident of (Baltimore) Baldamo, Murrland. Or as she and other choice locals like to call it, Bodymore, Murderland. With a nickname like that it’s no wonder the town also branded as Charm City is such a tourist haven.
Let me quit clowning before I get a bunch of hollow points left in my comment section. Some of my favorite people on Earth are from Baltimore. This girl, however, isn’t one of them.
To be fair, she’s not a bad rapper at all. She has some issues with breath control but given the size of her stomach I can understand why. That’s either a baby in her belly or a 20 piece nugget at McDonalds.
I’m trying to type this without sounding like I’m filled with tang, but dammit, why don’t some of you like this video? What’s wrong with you? What is there not to like about this video?
It’s weird? It’s Lady GaGa. Stop it. It’s too long. It’s a mini-movie, enjoy the production value you attention deficit disorder suffering doof. OK, that was a little mean, but well…ten minutes isn’t going to kill you.
I also stumbled along up this opinion via MTV News:
However, Jess Wachtel had a more cynical view of the nearly ten-minute long video. “Looks like Beyoncé and her put together a video to sell some records,” he said.
Oh my God. A pop star is trying to sell records. The world is changing so drastically. I don’t feel like I belong anymore.
It’s time to play another round of “Guess if it’s satire.” Admittedly the last time I tried this I failed. That’s what I get for no longer giving people the benefit of the doubt. Nevertheless the latest contestant in “Is you or is you ain’t a fool?” is Nicki Mirage:
Yeah, she’s serious. Game over. Next topic.
A few weeks back I was having a conversation with a friend and as I tried to stress to her, teenagers, gay men, and now straight women of the more hood variety have all fell in love with Nicki Minaj and thus, it’s only a matter of time before the mainstream crowd jumps on and seals her fate as the first female rapper to matter in nearly a decade.
She countered with claims babies don’t buy albums and that Nicki likely won’t even push gold. But last weekend said friend was in Dallas and noticed a trend. I got a text from that said, “You were right all of these women down here look like Nicki Minaj.”
I don’t lie, folks.
As for this Mirage girl, I think I may let you all handle the clowning. I have yet to file my taxes and something tells me taking digs at people who may or may not be sense-deficient can’t be good for my karma.
Wait, who am I kidding? I can’t help myself.
I won’t talk about the girl for falling for Nicki’s shtick – that’s the point for Nicki and this girl is young, so it’s likely just a phase – but I will note that certain things happen when you only read the title of the Hamburger Helper box to your children.
Some people, such as sexyDIVArichbitch, are for crueler than me and let Ms. Mirage have it on YouTube:
u cant be bad when ya whole room is decorated from Target and ya weave is Grammy which cost $10 a pack(I do hair) bitch dont strive to be a Barbie( a fake plastic white girl) just be a bad bitch…u need more time sweetie
I’d like to point out that there’s nothing wrong with Target. And what does Grammy mean? Obviously not the little statute people want to throw at Taylor Swift anymore.
Anyhow, I along with that bitch who shits on Target might not have the full story. Maybe this person could be an aspiring actress and is using this video as an audition reel with the hopes that she’ll net that starring role in Mama, I Wanna Twirk Something.
Whatever it is, it’s between this girl’s God and her pharmacist so let’s focus on what matters: Me being right.
I can’t guarantee the girl’s sales, but I have a hard time believing Nicki is about to tank. As for those mainstream fans coming along, take note:
That is Michelle Trachtenberg Harriet The Spy/Buffy’s little sister and Dawson, no more creeks and paddles in the car proving they know of Nicki’s existence. I think I love Michelle The Spy now. I would post a video of someone who tapped me doing Nicki’s part on “Lil’ Freak” while I was slightly under the influence of a beverage we’re not going to discuss, but I’m no idiot.
In the meantime, let the record show there’s a good way to play along with Nicki and a much scarier way. Please choose wisely.
Upon further listens of her mixtape and viewings of her performances online, I think I like Nicki Minaj.
I’m sorry, but I just can’t get, “Young money, red flag, no more auditions. ASK LIL’ WAYNE WHO THE FIVE STAR BITCH IS!” out of my head.
Sorry for the caps, but I wanted you to know that I just sang it in my head as I typed it.
There’s something about her that’s somewhat annoying yet as previously mentioned, very much intriguing.
Not to mention while back at home I noticed that Nicki’s appeal is expanding.
While at a club they played the remix to “5 Star Chick” and people (OK, me and the person behind me) were annoyed that they didn’t play Nicki’s part.
And then while at Target one day I spotted some teenager blasting Nicki’s mixtape from her headphones. Like it or not, ya’ll, her time is coming. Female rappers haven’t been viable for much of the decade. This girl is about to flip that around in the next.
So given that I never want to behind on what’s going on in pop culture and all I took it upon myself to figure out what’s been one of my biggest hurdles in getting her: Understanding those words that come out of her mouth.
Calling it the “Nictionary,” her fan page breaks it down for the people who paid attention in English class.
Official Secret Society Barbie Statement :
I’m a GIRL \ and I’m RICH \ its BARBIE \ YOU little BITCH!!!!!
My first instinct was to immediately hit the red X and run back to my copy of Hardcore.
But folks, I refuse to be old at 25. I just can’t. Nicki is about to turn 25, which means I should still be able to get it…or at least, fake it when my nieces are old enough to quote this girl back to me (and I tell them to go read a book or something).
One reason I stopped following Nicki on Twitter is because once you start reading her timeline you get the idea of what a brain aneurysm must feel like it.
Now I have help and since I don’t like to suffer alone, I’m passing this off to you, too.
I am always happy to get new readers. I actively encourage everyone to spread word about my site via mass emails, Facebook, Twitter, yelling the site link to random people on the street. In fact, before you even go further with this post how about you take a few minutes to spread the word about me. Open another tab — this post isn’t going anywhere.
One minute…
Two minute…
Three minute…
Four minute…
Thank you.
Now having said that while I’m happy to have so many new people find my spot, I’ve noticed some have gone here to declare e-war on me for daring to speak ill of an artist they fancy.
WOW YOU BITCH ASS MOTHERFUCKER ASS IS THAT JEALOUS OF CECE. BITCH ASK BET AND MTV WHO RUN THEIR SHIT. ASK BEYONCE AND RIHANNA WHY CECE GOT BILLBOARD WOMAN OF THE YEAR BEFORE THEM, ASK THEM WHY WAS SHE JUST TITLED POP PRINCESS. DONT BE FUCKING COMING AT CECE LIKE THAT. YOU FUCKING HATERS THAT MAD THAT CECE WILL TAKE OVER THE MORE COMMERICAL SHE IS AND BECOME QUEEN OF POP. DAMN YOU YOU HATER. CECE DO YOUR THING. IT IS OK FOR BEYONCE TO THRASH HER COOCHIE IN FRONT OF ALL THOSE FOLKS AT THE VMAS AND HER TO CORRUPT THE GAME, BUT CECE DOING HER THING THE RIGHT WAY WITH FULL CONTROL AND ACTUALLY BRINGING INSTEAD OF STEALING, AND NOW SHE THE DEVIL. GO TO HELL MIKE.
Kind of like this.
CIARA STAN (HATERS STAY MAD), thank you for visiting my site. I’m not going to try to change your opinion; I’ll just say hell is reading PARAGRAPHS TYPED IN ALL CAPS.
And by looking at some of the comments in the post about Leona Lewis butchering a classic from my childhood in her teen years you would think my words were reprinted in the program for Leona’s last family reunion. It’s OK, because everyone has a right to say how they feel — even if I feel they should care more about the environment or something else of great importance like the chicken strip’s deal at Popeye’s.
I will say, though, that if you’re new to this site we need to get to know each other. So, here are a few fun facts about me and this here blog. If you plan on sticking around, you need to learn these things.
1. I’m probably going to talk about someone you like.
I’m all about humor and opinion writing. That’s just what I do. I have opinions, there here site is my way another medium for me to articulate said opinions. Chances are I’ll say something about someone you like that will cause your face to react this way:
Such is life. I talk about people you like, I talk people I like, I talk about me. Trust me, I’m well aware that my degree doesn’t read Bachelor of Arts in God, and thus my opinion is not the end all be all. But if I feel like Leona Lewis shouldn’t be granted a work visa for an awful remake even if it was recorded three days before the birth of Chris then that’s just how I feel.
It’s fine to over a retort; I love comments and I don’t mind being corrected about something I’m factually wrong about. On the other hand, if you think anything I say will result in a decline in your health, I think you should seek help find a less stressful site. I’m trying to make folks laugh and think, not have panic attacks.
2. Jiggin’ is a habit.
One that I will talk about often.
3. If the sameness bothers you, save yourself now.
It’s not like I’ll be posting this everyday, but c’mon nah let my new interest in being forthright be great.
P.S. This is my way of giving Chris Brown a compliment. See…I don’t hate him.
4. I’m going to keep telling you to tell others about me.
I need a book deal and show.
5. Don’t let the post fool you, I’m really nice.
And shit.
That’s all I got. I just don’t need anymore 12-year-old readers using my inbox to test out their new e-thug persona.
Now let me get back to blogging more before my faithful readers curse me out. Thank you for reading!
If you actually think there’s a disco stick waiting to be freed from the duck tape that acts its personal prison between the legs of Lady GaGa, then you’re likely the type of fool to fall for a Nigerian email scam.
This woman is not a hermaphrodite, but what she is an artist skilled in the art of manipulating the press. It’s a talent that seems to have been lost on a generation. I honestly can’t think of any other popular female artist besides GaGa that’s been adept at playing the press on the levels of Madonna and Janet Jackson.
I’m sure their stans would love to argue that like Britney and Christina fit the bill, but:
I swore when someone sent this picture to me I thought it was Bret Michaels. I was so ready to respond with, “I don’t care about Rock of Love.”
As it turns out, that’s Britney Spears, which proves my point.
This poor girl, between her family, the pressure, and the lack of K-12 tutoring never stood a chance. Life and the media jumped her and while she may be off most of her meds, she’s not at the level she used to be.
Then you have Christina Aguilera, who thought she was ahead of the game giving her best Madonna impersonation to the press, but poor thing, Autotune may be for pussies, but look what flinging hers got you?
That’s why I don’t think either can be lumped into that media savvy category. Both have their talents, and each got as close to that level of celebrity as the aforementioned acts. Yet as far as outwitting the press, nah, not even a little bit.
Unlike the others, although I think GaGa has a gimmick I feel that it’s one of her own creation.
I don’t suspect there is a team of handlers around her pulling strings. If that were to be true, she probably wouldn’t be a star. You’ve seen the charts. Many of the industry folks couldn’t get you to buy an album with their money.
Not to rile up the older crowd, but GaGa, with her bisexual confirmations, outrageous outfits, and over-the-top sound bites and quotes is giving vintage Madonna. Only difference is these days it’s harder to shock people, so the most a person can do is start a rumor that the woman has an 8-ball and pool stick carefully tucked in her leotard.
On top of that, she is actually talented. She can sing, play instruments, and when she claims to be a songwriter I believe her.
It’s not, “Oh I used my star power to force a songwriter to give me publishing.” Or an instance of someone taking a pre-written song and adding a cough at the end of the track and getting credit for it. She actually writes.
Finally there is a pop star with a brain and actual skill who can joke the journalists
Every so often a new reader asks, “Do you like anyone?”
Instead of giving my usual, “No, actually I hate everyone – especially you,” I smiled and said, “You’ll see.”
And now you do.
Don’t trip, though: Until she records a song with Gucci Mane she’ll only go so hard.
Are you starting to suffer from the effects of Michael Jackson fatigue? If so, grab you a pill because this is another MJ-related post.
Look, I was already a huge Michael Jackson stan before he died. My stanism has only heightened following his untimely death. What really makes me sad is after listening to his music (which I played regularly before he died) and watching his old performances it makes me realize there will truly never be another performer like him. It’s not something just to say to be nice; it’s the truth.
I’ve been reading list after list from various sites breaking down who could be “The Next Michael.” There is no next Michael. Only a bunch of people who are alright but make you yearn for the real thing.
I’ve read the names floating around, but with respect to each of their talent, none match up and shouldn’t be compared to Michael.
1. Beyonce
I read someone say Beyonce is the only artist delivering videos on par with those from the Michael Jackson catalog. As much as I love the “Freak’um Dress” and “Single Ladies” videos, I’m gonna vote no.
That’s not a diss to Beyonce, but I think far too many people are so stuck on branding an artist “the next…” that they and their better senses get beside themselves.
2. Janet Jackson
I have never liked comparing Michael and Janet. I love each for different reasons, and their performance styles have some similarities but each are very much their own artist. Besides, that’s far too much pressure for Damita Jo to live up to. She’s still trying to live up to the standard she set herself. Let’s not make it even more difficult for her by trying to get her to fill the void of her brother.
The Jacksons are a talented bunch, but let each do their own thing. No good can really come of any of them attempting to do Mike.
Need I say more?
3. Britney Spears
I like her and wish her well, but to quote B. Scott, “Bitch. Boom. Bye.” That poor girl can’t even keep up with her Janet Jackson impersonation anymore. The only thing she has that mirrors Michael Jackson’s life is the paparazzi swinging from her bra strap. That I hope she handles better than Michael. But as far as keeping up with the Jacksons, yeah, no. Fail whale.
4. Justin Timberlake
I knew this comparison was coming. It’s been around since Rolling Stone tried to christen him the new King of Pop. Folks aren’t tired of arguing this point in vain yet?
I don’t care if he bought Michael’s old clothes from a garage sale at Neverland, sang songs rejected by Michael on his debut album, and tries his hardest to sing with that certain hee-hee-hee flair as Michael did he will NEVER be Michael Jackson. He’s talented but he’s the sequel to Elvis, not Michael 2.0.
5. Usher
I think Usher is the closet thing we have to Michael as far as an artist who can sing and pull off extensive choreography, but vocally he isn’t as strong as Michael. As an innovator, he falls short, too. To his credit he has seen his own lookalikes, but it’s nothing on par with Michael Jackson. Let Usher be Usher and stop the comparisons.
6. Chris Brown
I appreciate Chris Brown making it acceptable for tall people to dance again, but Michael Jackson at 9 vocally ethers him at age 20.
This is just a rehearsel video and listen to his voice. Case dismissed.
7. Omarion
Second verse, same as the first.
I think Omarion is very underrated when it comes to his dancing. I actually find him to be more fluid than Chris Brown and Usher. But, he makes Chris Brown sound like Donny Hathaway. His second album was good, but the nasally tone in his voice makes it difficult for him to ever have the same effects on people as Michael.
I think people forget that beyond his dancing, Michael was an exceptional vocalist. His ballads alone can move a crowd. I would buy an album full of Michael Jackson ballads. Can you say the same from #’s 6 & 7?
8. Rihanna
Sampling an MJ classic doesn’t make you the heir apparent. They are both fashionable and known for their hair styles. That’s about it. Whoever thought to compare the two needs to stop eating those random tree berries.
9. Ciara
If you really pay attention to Ciara – at least Ciara when she first hit the scene – her dancing seems a lot more influenced by Michael than Janet. But, now that she’s failed using the Madonna hoe route (I like Madonna, but c’mon nah) for success, she’s teetering on new school Mya status, not female Michael.
10. Anyone Else You Can Think Of
…don’t bother. We will eventually find someone new who will change the game, but as for now, I don’t see any of the current players replacing their hero.
Not to mention despite only having a high school education Michael was educated, well read, and quite articulate. Have you listened to interviews with some of the aforementioned artists? Yikes.
And while I have your attention, check out this performance of Michael:
Ya’ll are so lucky I couldn’t get near his casket. I might have gotten arrested for trying to pull him out.
Do you ever just look at someone and think, “I want them to win?” That’s how I feel about LeToya. It’s not even because we’re from the same hood (Hiram Clarke, stand up)…well not completely.
With a personality like hers it ought to be hard for anyone to dislike her. She’s funny, she’s personable, and she’s genuinely positive. Even with her legal agreements with Papa Knowles and Destiny’s Child I am sure there are plenty of ways she could have still thrown them under the bus without being backhanded with a lawsuit. Yet instead channeling her inner bottle of Lawry’s she spoke kindly of them, her experiences with the group and continues to keep it moving.
To her credit, Beyonce and ‘nem talked much noise about LeToya and LaTavia — particularly in Destiny’s Child first VIBE cover story. Toya never responded to their comments, which in hindsight is very classy of her. Some people might have had someone they knew still on the DC staff put ex-lax in Beyonce and Kelly’s red beans and rice.
As far as a solo artist goes, I think LeToya has blossomed into a capable singer and performer. I remember listening to the Anjel demo and she is now leaps and bounds ahead of where she was vocally at the time. I appreciate that Toya makes it clear that she’s no dancer, but has at least stepped it up enough to where not many would feel compelled to give her a Ryu-style kick for two-stepping and body rolling off beat. I wouldn’t be mad if someone launched a fireball into this dull crowd, though. They knew better.
I can recall how irritated I was hearing Toya constantly say she didn’t think she could be a solo star while promoting her first solo album. I wanted her to be more confident in herself, but judging from these two clips it seems she’s already there if not tip toeing around it.
I’m a bit cautious about LeToya Luckett’s sophomore project. I’m hoping she can somehow rebound with a big second single, create a buzz for her album and consequently move enough units to cement herself a spot in R&B. I would’ve launched her comeback with “Regret,” but “Not Anymore” grew on me and I’ve since become a fan of “She Ain’t Got Shit On Me.” I think each of these songs have potential if pushed properly. Sometimes I want to call her label up and ask the receptionist, “Why won’t ya’ll let my Clarke chick be great?!”
They’ve already blown it with Cherish, messed up J.Holiday’s momentum, so now I’m worried the same may happen to Toya’s Lady Love. Her flopping would make me kind of sad, ya’ll. The kind of sad you get when you want some Chick-Fil-A on Sunday but realize they’re only serving Jesus that day.
I’m going to hold out hope that things will work out. What I admire most about LeToya is that she is a hustler. She’s done very well for herself despite being put out of the group at the height of their popularity. She’s opened up a business, had a solo successful debut album, and she’s starting to no longer be simply referred to as “that girl from Destiny’s Child.”
I really want her to continue to do better. Show those girls from Brownstone, Jade, and the members of Xscape who haven’t carried the seeds of rappers you can have a career after your girl group days die.
P.S. I hope I don’t sound more up her cooch than the camera man in the first video. I just like her is all.
Not that I ever believed her, but for several years now, Beyonce has been talking about wanting to retire at the age of 30 so she can settle down and have some big head babies. I tend to never believe artists when they talk about retiring, though for a second there I worried she might scale back after marrying Jigga. One kid alone could spread those hips wider than the Mississippi — and we all know our girl loves her some Popeyes. He done a put a ring on it, so the fear that after a two piece of chicken and kids she might up and decide at 29 1/2, “Let Rihanna have it” started to feel real.
Thankfully, Beyonce has come to realize retirement is for quitters.
She told Ebony: “I’ve worked so hard on my craft, and I will never stop. I will never retire. I love it way too much.”
That’s right. Don’t you ever leave me, Beyonce. I don’t know what it’s like to live in a world without Beyonce p-poppin’ all over it, but that is not a world I want to ever come to learn anyway. Not now. Not ever. Especially now that’s she’s back to wearing hair that’s not straight and blonde.
When she told me she wanted to record a soul album, I was so geeked. When I heard “Work It Out,” I fell in love. She looks amazing in this photo. I swear I would run barefoot down MLK to get her the Tuesday special at Popeyes — two piece for .89 cents. You know what? Fuck it. I would get her the family special. She’s that wonderful, which is why sometimes I get disappointed that she doesn’t live up to her full potential. I want the soul album she promised me.
Yesterday I was talking to a friend and Beyonce basher who claims I never say anything bad about her. If you read this blog, you know that’s not true at all. I’ve virtually handed her a muzzle, expressed disappointment in her stagmatism both musically and visually, so it’s not like I compliment every single thing she does. Me thinks this person doesn’t really think this, but I will say this: If you don’t like Beyonce even a little bit, something must be wrong with you.
There I’ve finally said it. I can understand why you may wish she go a little deeper, have a little more substance, or push herself harder, but how can you not like Beyonce at all? Seriously. If you don’t like her at all, what’s the matter? Have you been treated for this condition, and if so, what did the doctor prescribe? Better taste? I’m intrigued.
I’ve noticed online – typically from message boards – that Beyonce brings out the insecure little girl in people. Is she the best singer in the world? No. Is she the best dancer in the world? Nah, but I certainly appreciate a good twirker. Is the the best we have in the industry overall? Hell yeah.
She is leap and heads above her peers, and while I hate when people get accolades for being so good because everyone else is so bad, I don’t place Beyonce in that category. She would be killing it in any decade.
That is why I am so glad she has no plans of ever leaving me. I want us both to be getting it in our walkers until we’re over 100. If that thought makes you queasy, take a Tums. You’re not living right.
Stanism aside, how can you not find any redeemable qualities in Beyonce? Yes, she seems to be a part of Dr. Suess’ book club, and yeah she’s pretty vapid in most interviews. Alright, she acts like she molded and shaped the Earth herself some \times, but a lot of big artists can be described this way. I happen to think most celebrities are pretty boring in general. But as long as you can deliver at your job, I’m good.
Have you watched an awards show without her? I rest my case.
I’ve heard different theories about why so many can’t stand her. Some say you’re likely a loser, or you’re ugly…maybe a combination a both. When people grip about so many people fawning over her, it usually comes across as some petty high school jealousy. Hey, I ain’t have those issues, fam.
So, if you’re a hater for any other reason besides Beyonce stealing your stuff (which she seems to do on the regular), explain yourselves.
Merry B’Day, people. I tried to explain to some people that today is a holiday, but a few of them (only a few — game recognize game, for the most part) gave me the side eye. I told them they were acting like Solange. Don’t be petty, ya’ll. Bask in the moment.
Today is the day we honor the Queen by giving her our money. If you say to yourself, “That b-tch is already rich!” you are a hater, pimp. Maybe that excuse works for everyone else, but not Beyonce. Why? Well there are some things in life we just can’t explain. Other things have no real explanation — a person simply makes some shit up and pretend it makes all the sense in the world.
I don’t care which one you choose to believe as long as you go buy her album. I would suggest the double disc version. I’m more of a fan of Sasha. She seems like the type that will get drunk and show the stripper how to really work the pole. And when she eats Popeyes, she won’t feel bad about it. These days the other one seems like she’s currently eating a lettuce flatbread sandwich listening to Sheryl Crow.
Now should you choose not to buy her album and actually tell me you downloaded it without throwing $9.99 – $13.99 (get it on sale, folks) to the crown, I’m reporting you to the RIAA. My friend made that mistake last night. She ought to be getting a little notice soon. Don’t do Bee.
If you’re reading this and thinking to yourself, I sound Yolanda Saldavar-ish, you’re not being fair. I would never take a job from Kelly Rowland. She needs all the work she can get these days. It’s merely that Beyonce has been so good to us, we ought to return the favor.
Janet’s got major headaches, and judging from her last couple of albums, a serious ear injection. Ciara or Super C seems to be having both an identity crisis and a case of wackitis. Rihanna is pretty, but she doesn’t have the thighs of power like Beyonce. And Mya, well see the previous post. I would name other people if it were still 1998, but it’s not so why bother.
Beyonce is the best we have. Enjoy her now before has Jigga’s little Kool cigarettes and spreads like Chaka Khan. So if the mood strikes you to dance in the street, the sidewalk, the gym, or Target, go with it. I do that all the time.
P.S. A friend just recommended I do a rendition to “Single Ladies” and post it on YouTube. I would rather let my balls play in the California wildfires than do some shit like that. I celebrate with a receipt, a biscuit, and a jig.
Writer. Music head. Political junkie. Pop culture whore. Funny black boy. Looking to have a voice in the world -- with a few good sponsors.
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