Yesterday Farouk Shami lost his bid to be the Democratic gubernatorial candidate after getting that ass handed to him by former Houston mayor Bill White.
With Shami knowing he was a heavy underdog in the race he made a last-minute decision to release this campaign song in the form of an ad.
In my head I picture some poor misguided soul telling Shami:
1. Rap
+
2. Ad
=
3. Youth (or probably just black) votes.
Whoever the mastermind of this advertisement is, I hope they enjoy their new life pushing KFC’s new boneless chicken filets.
I never thought Jay-Z killed auto-tune, but I definitely think Farouk just put another bullet in its already fledging appeal.
I’m not mad at the artist J. Xavier because a check is a check, but I hope he uses said check to pay for tuition because a successful career in rap seems about as likely as RuPaul posing in Playboy now.
Only a week or so ago was I trying to explain to a friend why I wasn’t all that fond of John Mayer. Musically, he’s a good guitarist and a so-so vocalist. In short: He sings like he’s gargling. Mayer’s artistry aside, he always comes across as a jackass in interviews. The sort of guy who likes to be incendiary because he feels it makes him look “cool.” That’s always a telling sign of someone who didn’t grow up with many friends or attention. Once folks like Mayer get it they do and say whatever to keep it. It’s often hard to separate John Mayer the artist from John Mayer the verbal toilet because the later is so hell bent on drawing attention.
That brings me to his now already infamous Playboy interview, where Mayer gives me another reason to contemplate embracing the term “douche bag.”
Certain sects of the Christian population have become so desperate that they’re willing to sell out their core values for the sake of boosting their numbers.
It’s evident by a slew of new churches selling the message “Jesus wasn’t no punk bitch” as a means of getting more men to join their congregations.
The New York Times recently published a report on the Jesus meets Fight Club marketing plan:
Recruitment efforts at the churches, which are predominantly white, involve fight night television viewing parties and lecture series that use ultimate fighting to explain how Christ fought for what he believed in. Other ministers go further, hosting or participating in live events.
The goal, these pastors say, is to inject some machismo into their ministries — and into the image of Jesus — in the hope of making Christianity more appealing. “Compassion and love — we agree with all that stuff, too,” said Brandon Beals, 37, the lead pastor at Canyon Creek Church outside of Seattle. “But what led me to find Christ was that Jesus was a fighter.”
Old Testament and certain instances of Jesus cracking the whip out against those that disrespected his pops aside, isn’t the focal point of Jesus’ message about compassion, love, and charity? Are those not the themes he fought for in the most non-violent of ways?
I saw this menu floating around Twitter yesterday but since I had a lot of things to tend to I didn’t bother joining in the uproar. That and I saw no real reason to get in an uproar anyway. Maybe if this were a few years ago when I had a pick stuck in my head might I have gotten a wee bit sensitive about and joined in the chorus of jeers.
I did have a few potential ideas in my mind when I saw it, though. Like maybe this menu is the brainchild of some confused non-black person who wanted to pay “tribute” via food. As in, uh, what do Black people eat? Soul food, oh yeah, let’s serve everyone that. You know, good intentions that weren’t necessarily all the way thought out. A few people would get upset, but no big deal in the end.
And then there’s the other scenario that places some racist with a penchant for prejudice jokes turning the cafeteria into one indirect Klan rally where they get to prove white superiority by serving a bunch of bug eyed, sophomoric (in their bigoted minds) blacks some watermelon and fried chicken.
If that sounds stupid to you then good, that was my intention.
As unfortunate as the latter scenario would be, that’s not what’s keeping black men, women and children in peril. We have bigger catfish to fry.
But I forget how funny life is and no greater example of that point is this video that I stumbled along only a few minutes ago:
Whatever option you choose be certain it results in you no longer gracing the Earth as a walking, talking example of human trash.
That is, if you’re guilty. Should you be found completely innocent I suggest you reevaluate the relationships you forge with people and look into some serious couples counseling.
But if you’re actually evil and twisted enough to brutally beat a defenseless baby, please run into a speeding Hummer barefoot on a hot summer’s day.
At the very least, don’t do some stupid shit like the following:
Now I’ve driven by Johnnie Cochran’s law building a few times so I think that qualifies me to offer a smidgen of legal advice.
I don’t know Kesan Moore. I never watched From Gs To Gents so I can’t say anything about his character or the one reality producers helped him play on TV. All I know is that he’s been accused of beating his own child. That in of itself suggests something’s not right with him. He’s either cruel or careless — two qualities that should result in automatic spaying.
Whatever lead to his daughter’s injuries will be up to the po-po, judge, and potential jury to decide, but here’s one thing that I hope can be agreed upon now: It’s stupid as hell to create a video based on serious legal allegations involving your child.
Or so I thought.
Making matters worse is that judging from the commentators of this video he’ll be further convinced he should do more stunts like this.
I saw some fool say we don’t know what happened, let God judge them. Bitch shut up before a thunderbolt cracks your damn skull in the next storm.
As far as Kesan and this track: Uh, the media doesn’t care about you. I bet every news anchor that read your name in reference to this story hadn’t a clue as to who you were before they saw their script.You’re not even on Tila Tequila’s level. Why would there be a media conspiracy against you?
The only people gunning for you are the police and if you’re proven guilty then I’ll be tempted to send those dudes some donuts after conviction.
Is he really filming him turning himself in to the police while giving a radio interview? Like he literally took the time to plan a music video out in response to allegations he almost killed his own child. This is the type of subject matter that requires wardrobe? Is this real life, ya’ll?
What would possess a person to see this as an opportunity to spit hot fire? Fool, call your lawyer, not a producer.
If he turns out to be innocent, fine. But no parent ought to be using this as a means of generating buzz for their would be rap career.
Please oh please let a microwave heat up and destroy his sperm like a Hot Pocket.
I had it all planned out. I was going to write a blog about snobbery. How wrong it is, how even I sometimes slip up and engage in behavior unbecoming of someone who wants everyone on the planet to love me and throw their money behind my work, and why we all need to take a little step back and give people the benefit of the doubt. Or at the very least, try to be more understanding.
And then I read three stories this morning that have me revisiting my argument. Not that it’s changed, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t just tempted to start a “Damn You Dumb Asses” t-shirt line.
The first story details how Tisha Campbell’s sister has named her new born babyNina Minaji Campbell.
It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that these folks are beefin’ over the recent Supreme Corp. (that’s not a typo) decision that corporations have free speech rights as granted in the First Amendment of the Constitution, and therefore are free to make it rain without restraints on the U.S. electoral system.
Obviously, that Minnesota woman carrying the shovel didn’t appreciate homeboy’s quip that we need to send out a special prayer to Ronald Reagan for leaving us with this staunchly conservative and pro big business court. I might have been tempted to swing batter batter on that ass, too, after a statement like that.
I’m sure if Trick Daddy’d lil’ cousin would have behaved himself better than there would have been no need to pull out the weapon. Lucky for him the subject of Obama’s proposed spending freeze didn’t come up. I imagine the conversation might have shifted quickly to an impromptu NRA rally had that happened.
Or maybe I’m out of my damn mind and just need to accept that this is just another instance of hood shit – only in the presence of white shit on the ground.
But, isn’t my scenario much more fun?
I saw this clip yesterday and just knew I had to use it, but I couldn’t think of a good reason why. Then I woke up this morning and starting pursuing the usual sites and it hit me: “Damn, I sure want to hit a lot of people right now.”
Not with a shovel, though. I can’t afford the court fees right now. Rent is due on the 1st. Ya’ll understand.
I wouldn’t mind smacking some sense into a few people with a fly swatter, though.
Sounding off:
1. The Supreme Court
On what parallel universe is the plight of the corporation comparable to that of the slave? That assassin comparison by Republicans aside, have we not already seen the damage big business does to the electoral process? I already think most voters are uniformed twits (maybe not most, but surely the ones who were ready to riot if the State of the Union preempted the premiere of Lost). Now it’s going to be all the more easier for companies to slap a jingle, jig, and big face on a campaign ad and fuck shit up for the rest of us.
I won’t wish illness on anyone, but I wouldn’t be mad if Samuel Alito, Clarence Thomas, Antonin Scalia all caught a case of the Benjamin Buttons so they can be replaced by someone with some damn sense.
2. Kelly Rowland
I really want to route for this girl, but you’re not going to get far stateside performing like this. Not that I managed to watch the full thing or anything. Even I’m not that big a masochist. Try to give her two minutes of your time and you’ll see what I mean. I’m happy she’s got the “give us free” grin on her face after sending her Mathew on his way, but c’mon nah, Kelly. I’ve never heard that big a crowd so silent.
3. Lil’ Kim
This girl looks like suki yaki hot saki soup…you sock it to me…I’ll sock it to you with Martha Washington’s foundation. Black history month is coming up, people. Someone pull this talented lady to the side, pull out the swatter and smack the black pride into her.
I’m seriously beginning to question whether my blog readers love me. This song has been out for at least a year and I’m only now just finding out about it? What gives, folks? Is this punishment for not blogging enough?
To make matters worse, this song is obviously from Baldamo. One of my best friends is from Baldamo, but do I get a heads-up? No. I thought you were my dog “doug,” man.
Before I go any further I’ll at least say it’s nice to know there are songs out there that don’t discriminate in who gets to twirk to them. A lot of songs only call for a certain aesthetic to jig along. But with “Hit It To The Beat” you can be any size, any complexion, and not have a lick of rhythm in you yet if you’re willing to bend over, hey, this one’s for you.
People coming together under a shared disinterest in maintaining any sort of decorum in a public setting whenever an an overtly sexual song starts blaring from the speakers: My country ’tis of thee.
Oh and I must say I appreciate the lyric, “‘Take the condom off? @#$%! outta here!”
Good to know in a metropolitan area flooded with mysterious rashes, bumps, urinal burns, and fledgling immune systems there are still people out there aware of sexual health.
That said, I think my left eye just caught chlamydia from watching this.
This video was posted under the heading, “WHERE ARE THE PARENTS?”
To answer their question: Probably at the whole in the wall doing the same damn moves to “Doo Doo Brown.”
I want to join in the chorus that this type of dancing is a bit much, but then I quickly thought about my own dance antics over the years. Would I be a hypocrite if I said this is way too much even though someone once described my dancing as, “Yeah, Mike, you dance like the first of the month and rent is due?”
Maybe so, but in this instance, I’ll be that. What’s going on in this video is way over the top.
I may have swung under rails, broke a couple dozen people off, used a fence inappropriately outside of a club around 5:00 a.m., and dropped it in a kitchen during a house party over the weekend, but I can’t say I’ve ever done anything like this at a club.
These folks are literally fucking on camera inside of a club. And even if I did simulate sex while dancing, it was very likely it was with a women and ya’ll know that doesn’t count. I get the feeling if I were standing inside of this house of hoe shit I’d notice a lot of dents in the wall, a poodle in select spots, and a smell that would probably ruin my after club appetite.
That means unless you’re getting paid for this (not that I condone prostitution, but I understand the recession has brought out the Nevada in people) and are at peace with your local free clinic and/or gynecologist, I can’t and you shouldn’t either.
P.S. If you have the mp3, you should still share it, though. I mean, I still don’t think you should be on all fours having pound puppy sex in public, but I do like club music sometimes.
I’m not one for discouraging a person to let go of their dream. To do so would be cruel and believe it or not, I do have a heart not covered in ash and hate. Yet, when it comes to certain people who fail miserably each and every time they try to dance, “sing,” or politic their way to success I wonder why no one has pulled them to the side to say, “This ain’t it, pimpin’.”
Like Omarion, for example. Bless his heart. He seems like a very nice guy and when he says he can dance better than Chris Brown he does so with such conviction you can’t help but hope the boy gets his dance-off.
Unfortunately, homie can’t sing. At all. I used to think there was a glimmer of hope in his vocal ability but alas, that doesn’t seem to be the case. Dude has such a nasally tone to him. It’s always tricky with people like that. They need someone to craft “hot fire” to distract you from the obvious. Songs like “Touch” and much of the 21 album were a step in a good direction, though no one seemed to buy them.
And that ya’ll is the problem – he doesn’t sell. Even when he makes a decent album (21) you all still won’t buy it. Oh and me, because I didn’t buy it either. Sorry, he dropped that disc before Amazon made mp3 albums for 3.99 the first week of release.
So he’s not making the label any money based off of units moved so what gives? Maybe he has a 360 deal or something where the label recoups money from him pop locking for the Dutch. Otherwise I don’t see how he keeps getting record deals.
OK, so there’s that, but is butt enough to keep you around these days?
Especially when you’re performing like this?! If you’re going to lip sync at least try to pretend you’re singing along. It’s why Britney Spears is Britney Spears.
Omarion, good luck with your new album, but it’s a problem when your mama is the star of your performance.
To his credit, though, he has a much better shot at scoring an ounce of a hit (half is pushing it) than other people out there.
I don’t know why I keep doing this to myself. I imagine I could save more brain cells freebasing than I could watching some sophomoric nonsense like this. And yet, once I saw someone post this video I couldn’t help but look at it. I don’t know, maybe I’m seriously that much of a masochist. Or, maybe I simply want to understand why so many people have this undying need for a boogyman.
When I watched this video, I took at it as some sort of dark comedy. Beyonce using the treatment for “Video Phone” to serve Satan? Surely this is some brilliant piece of satire. It isn’t. This guy and his bad James Earl Jones impersonation are dead serious in trying to convince the masses that the occult is hiding in Beyonce’s twirks.
And like good little sheep who were never blessed with the gift from God called critical thinking skills, they eat this right up.
Writer. Music head. Political junkie. Pop culture whore. Funny black boy. Looking to have a voice in the world -- with a few good sponsors.
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