Last night after consuming ample amounts of fried chicken with a friend I engaged in one of my favorite stereotypically gay pastimes – talking about female pop stars.
I don’t remember exactly how her name came up, but I do recall saying, “You know what? I wish Mya were in a better position than she is. It’s kind of sad.”
A few hours later I stumbled along this video and realized that maybe her situation was sadder than I thought. Days ago, I read a story about Mya in which it said she was working on a new album.
I started to get a little excited – for a millisecond anyway. A few sentences later it was reported that the sound for the upcoming record was described as “electro-dance-rock.”
In other words, something for the kids who identify with the Euro and the lighter side of the Crayola box (no offense intended).
Let me start off by saying that I’m happy Fantasia isn’t dead. That would really, really suck considering she just got her GED and has both a new album and reality show to promote. Plus, she is somebody’s mama. Speaking of her parental status, while I’m glad she’s safe after an alleged suicide attempt, for the sake of her and her kid I hope someone pulls her to the side and shakes some of the stupid out of her.
That should not to be interpreted as an example of my insensitivity towards those who have attempted or contemplated suicide. Quite the contrary, I understand those in pain and despair. The stupid in Fantasia’s situation refers to the actions that brought her to the moment she felt compelled to mix her poisons.
I don’t know why everyone is following the Alicia Keys guide to love, but I wish someone would send out a bat signal that in most cases it’s probably not in one’s best interest to slurp someone’s spouse.
I’ve been wanting to write this post for months, but resisted because I didn’t want to come across as a jackass. I can’t take it anymore, though. Call me a meanie and say what you will about me, however the fact remains: Gabourey Sidibe kind of annoys me.
Goodness, do I feel better for saying that out loud.
I try really hard not to talk about other people’s children unless the comment is prefaced with something along the lines of “that bad ass kid…” Otherwise, I feel like a jackass. So if I see a child at a talent show sounding like puberty being waterboarded, I usually close my mouth tight and hold in the laughter as best I can.
Sometimes, though, you can’t fight the feeling so when you watch a performance like this, you form an opinion. Now, I don’t want to talk about these young girls’ respective talents. They’re young and still in training. I know this because I’ve seen them on Tah-ney and Toy-yuh.
However, this performance made me want to vomit in my mouth a little. Not because of any particular girl’s voice or dance step. No, my disgust stems in what they’re singing about.
Twenty seconds into the performance I’m accosted by the cries of the group: “We got haters! We got haters! Where they aaaa-ah-ah-ah-at?”
Not this bullshit again.
From read I’ve read about the group, their ages range from 11 to 13.
Who in the hell is hating on them? The girl who asked for a cracker from their Lunchable? The hall monitor? Mrs. Johnson for giving out homework? Cliff’s punk ass for not giving them good enough notes to pass the reading exam they didn’t study for?
Even after coming out (to myself, friends, and the majority of who inquired) I made the conscious decision to not write about my sexuality. At the time, I constantly told myself and others that I didn’t want to be labeled a certain way or only be defined by that one aspect about myself.
Truthfully, the word “gay” simply gave me the heebie-jeebies. There’s so much negativity associated with the term and I wasn’t quite sure if I wanted to deal with my sexuality on a personal and professional level. But as another writer explained me to last year, “It’s better to be known for something than nothing at all.”
The man had a point and ultimately I stayed true to myself. After that, people began to tell me that me speaking so forthright about my own life made it easier for them to deal with theirs.
I say all of this to say that for a lot of gay (coloreds) being out and about means something so I get really annoyed by those who pretend to be something that they’re not. Or people who know who they are but choose not to own up to it. I make some exceptions for the latter group. People who keep their private battles just that and don’t place others in danger are fine by me.
Nicki (likely in a London hood accent she recently picked up from YouTube) said:
“If I say I only stop for pedestrian and a real, real bad lesbian—did that say and then I go home and have sex with that lesbian? I just embrace all people of all lifestyles and I don’t tell them they are bad people. And I say girls are beautiful and girls are sexy and they need to be told that, and if they don’t have anyone to tell them that and mean it, I’m gonna tell them that. But I feel like people always wanna define me and I don’t wanna be defined.”
A dog who just ate a rotting pot of red beans & rice couldn’t produce a greater heap of shit than that Nicki quote.
I’ve always thought of Nicki as someone who might deal with men but probably enjoys women a lot more — given Nicki has talked about vagina more than most gynecologists. Yet, all of a sudden she doesn’t want people defining her by the things she’s said in the past.
She’s blaming other people for assuming she’s danced with dental dams.
It. Is. So. Damn. Irritating.
Let’s give her the benefit of the doubt.
Say the only cat she’s familiar with used to battle Chip and Dale. Fine. If that’s the case, why speak about women in a sexual manner?
Because it entices men, right? She along with other women who play the role of fake gay for attention need to be poked with a stick. Pun intended.
You don’t want to be defined as a bisexual, Nicki? Stop taking Cassie away from Diddy and don’t ever make another YouTube video about how women can approach you.
And please stop singing breasts. That is the gayest shit ever to me. I don’t care what anyone says — it’s gay. Is Bow Wow letting me scribble notes for a book proposal on his ass cheek? No. Sadly.
I completely understand the notion that labels can be a curse, but Nicki Minaj is reminding me that when it comes to labels related to sexuality, many of us dodge them out of fear.
She also reminds me of all of the closet bisexual and lesbian black women there are. Those are equally as pressed as the closeted gay men.
I truly believe sexuality can be fluid and that it’s not as easy as people think it is to define one’s sexuality. But, in the end, you know what gets you up, you know what makes you wet and if you speak about it openly people are going to make assumptions about you. That’s natural.
That means ultimately you need to decide who you are and what you’re about before you open up. If you remain unsure or this is all fun and games to you, shut up. You make it that much harder for others to take us seriously.
If you’re wondering, yes, I’m still planning to support Nicki Minaj (11.23.10, ya’ll) but if she makes a reference to a girl on wax, I’m gonna suck my teeth. That will show her.
I really want to support this girl. I swear, I do. I felt she got a raw deal the first time she made her way on the scene. As I’ve mentioned likely countless times now, she’s attractive and talented — just mismanaged. But dammit, at this point I can’t keep blaming other people. Perhaps it’s her.
First, I’m not entirely sure why she and her label keep throwing out these random videos. I get that in theory these videos create a buzz and helps keep her name out there. But really, folks, how many people are out there singing any of these songs? She leaks more than a BP constructed pipeline in a poor defenseless ocean. It’s hard to keep up with her material especially when none of it grabs your attention for too long.
That fun fact is likely why she results to videos like these. I guess a visual does go a long way, but really, Teairra? World Star Hip-Hop? That’s not an insult to the site. I go on it each day. It’s like an inside look at car washes on MLK across the country. Yet, when I think World Star Hip-Hop I think ass and assholes.
Is that the kind of outlet you want to plug R&B music on? Every chance you get?!
I imagine the heterosexual men who watch these videos drool with enthusiasm. Unfortunately, these same horny gents would likely tell Teairra and her camp that the pulse she sent to their penises wouldn’t lead to them pulling out their wallets to support her music.
In fact, this is the reaction I imagine most would give to such a question:
If Teairra has some sort of calendar in the works, then bravo, girl, you’re setting yourself up for a nice little paycheck publishing checks probably won’t provide. However, if her aim is to finally breakthrough as a successful R&B artist, this ain’t it. Not even a fraction of it. At all.
For months now Teairra Mari has been thrusting her sexuality at us via pictorials and FlipCam sponsored shoots such as these. Has that done anything for her? Have any R&B singers started shaking in their stilettos (and not in the good way)?
Start making your cricket noises now.
Teairra, c’mon nah. We heard you the first time about not having “no daddy around when you was growing up.” Are you going to keep reminding us? That’s a joke. Don’t shoot me, Detroit.
Here’s what Teairra should do.
1. Pull her panties up.
2. Stop making videos until she has a hot enough song that warrants one.
3. Find some new, young, hungry producers out there who can give her a sound that will help her find her spot in music.
Otherwise, she ought to go ahead and quit. That way she can go ask Tyler Perry if she can play the next sassy teenager Madea bitch slaps on stage and in theaters.
Since I happen to think Teairra is a sweetheart who simply needs a little nudge in a helpful direction, someone copy and paste this to her. I don’t want her banning me on Twitter for constructive criticism branded as “hating.”
Then again, there are worse things. Like eating soap on camera.
I know it’s judgmental, but anyone who kicks off a video by addressing people with “mesdames and messieurs” makes me instantly debate whether or not they’re full of shit. Well, anyone minus the folks who were actually born and bred and France and normally speak that way.
Otherwise, you’re just being fancy. And no, not in that cool way like The-Dream or Swizz Beatz and Drake sing about. That has a beat so it gets a pass. This is far more pretentious and thus annoying — like when Regine Hunter’s mama called her out on referring to her fire escape in such a saddity way on Living Single. Those who watched the show know exactly which episode I’m talking about.
Right, that bullshit. Not cool.
As you can see, 12 seconds into this video and I’m already put off by Grace Jones’ twin brother. It only gets worse as I keep watching.
Ya’ll, this man is a Bishop with a pin-up calendar.
Really, man? What do shots of Bishop Noel Jones snorkeling like he’s on location with Sports Illustrated and imitating Derek Blanks alter ego shoots have to do with the Lord?
It kind of seems like he wants to be worshipped a little. Or maybe I’m just a mean ass heathen who’s throwing shade at a man who’s just using what he got to get what he wants — like tithes.
On the YouTube comments for this video, one good Christian woman lets Bishop Grace’s Brother have it:
This man needs to hurry up and get married! He is starting to shamelessly promote himself – JUST LIKE BISHOP THOMAS WEEKS – these men need to get God-fearing women in their lives so they can stop making these DUMB CHOICES and being so lustful!!!
Someone else is even meaner:
Huh? There’s an image of his face on every month?? UGH. I am tired of IDOLATRY & MERCHANDISING in the church. & why is he wearing that shiny-silk white shirt unbuttoned down to his chest? That is nasty.
Probably not nasty to Donnie McClurkin, but I see their point.
From my understanding, like every good swindler Bishop Noel is mighty popular. Not “Pull Up To My Bumper” popular but enough to get many flocking to his pulpit.
Now gon’ tell me: Who among you are yelling Strange and sending your family members copies of this “Divinity Calendar?”
If so, explain to me what exactly that terms means. Otherwise, I’m just going to think it’s nothing more than a clergyman’s attempt at giving his ego a good boost under the guise of good fellowship?
Feel free to drop a little change in my PayPal account if that last sentence helped you feel the spirit.
Well, it’s the moment all salty seniors have been waiting for: Their favorite female rapper from yesterdecade has finally, yes finally, indirectly referenced the rapper that their children, younger siblings, and bad ass nieces and select nephews love so much.
For argument’s sake, let me just state that I wouldn’t be surprised if Lil’ Kim came back and showed Nicki Minaj a little love.
At the same time, I wouldn’t hold my breath for that to happen.
Now on to the video.
I like how Lil’ Kim says she’s so above her wig and taking it to another level as she performs a song from 1997.
Granted, it’s one of my favorite songs from her ever, but it’s well over ten years old all the same. If you were that ready to take it to the next level, you would have once things started to slow down a bit. Like several years ago.
But let’s not turn this into a stan war folks, because I happen to really like Lil’ Kim.
That said this clip still comes across as a vivid example on how not to age.
I don’t like it when veteran acts shun those that follow them — especially when those that come after offer nothing but praise for their predecessors. Kind of like the way Grace Jones (who Kim actually has borrowed from) dissing GaGa after GaGa has constantly attributed her aesthetic influences to. To dig at someone who’s complimented you and is a relative rookie reads as tacky to me. Not to mention, it seems really unnecessary.
What’s the point?
Oh, it’s for attention, hence the embarrassing aspect to these type of subliminal disses, too.
I don’t think this serves Kim well at all. In fact, now she comes across as just another female rapper who Nicki Minaj seems to bring the insecurities out of. The Beyonce of hip-hop, if you will. If you claim to not know what I mean by that, I don’t believe you. No, not even a little bit.
If I were Lil’ Kim I would’ve gone about this a different way. She should have reached out to Nicki Minaj and done a song with her. You know, in a symbolic way of passing the torch. Madonna has complimented Beyonce, performed with Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera, and appeared on SNL with Lady GaGa.
Tina Turner has performed with Beyonce. Usher didn’t push Chris Brown down a flight of stairs when he had the chance. See, Kim, it’s not hard.
Not only is it not hard, but it would’ve been a mighty smart thing for you to do.
I’m not trying to be funny when I ask this, but do Nicki Minaj’s fans even remember Lil’ Kim? Her core audience skews very young and given Kim hasn’t had a major hit in years well, you see where I’m going with this.
I think it would be in Kim’s best interest to scratch the beef and record a single with her. That way she can be like Nicki’s cool Auntie to the babies on iTunes.
“Massive Attack” didn’t attack anywhere besides Baby’s budget, but Nicki’s still got so much buzz.
And that seems to be so many other female rappers’ problem, only they should be thrilled about it.
I mean, when’s the last time anyone gave a damn about a female rapper? Exactly so why attack the source of the renewed relevance?
So think about, Kimmy. I think it would be good for you. If nothing else, think of it this way: Foxy Brown will be so mad she didn’t think of the idea first.
There’s something about Christina Aguilera that grates my last nerve. It’s a pity, too, because outside of her last album, I’ve spent plenty of dollars on her projects. However, her undying need to try to convince others that she is some sort of feminist who is gyrating and thrusting her vagina into the camera in the name of freedom is annoying as hell.
She’s been singing this same song for about eight years now. We get it, X-Tina: You’re “dirrty,” you’re nasty, you like to hump people at random. Or better yet, you watched a whole lot of Madonna videos and you find that super duper cool. I understand, Chrissy — you’re not the only one who watched the “Erotica” video and became inspired to turn off your night light and practice junior-level hoe shit in the dark.
Yet, stop making your antics out to be more than what they are.
I must have missed out on the “controversy,” but apparently Christina felt compelled to speak out on her new video.
“Mama still has to be me. I never claimed to be a cookie-cutter soccer mom. That’s all good for some people. Not for me.
He’s going to grow up in a household where he knows mommy expresses herself artistically and some of that will have to reflect itself sexually too at times. He’s going to learn to respect the fact that women are allowed to express themselves and not feel shameful about their bodies or their sexuality.”
Writer. Music head. Political junkie. Pop culture whore. Funny black boy. Looking to have a voice in the world -- with a few good sponsors.
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