Unfortunately, because of the day jobs I’ve had to talk far more about sideline hoes than I’d like to. Even sadder is my observation that more and more people have become more accepting of their positions as backup ass. And then I stumble along this video clip, which makes me want to reach out and spray myself with a can of Lysol.

Yet as much as I want to roast these women for using the Bible to perpetuate the status quo of the sideshow heaux, I have to acknowledge: Uh, she kind of has a point.

It’s another glowing example of how the Bible can be used to vilify one thing (people like me) and celebrate another (hoe shit).

Of course, at the time those scriptures were written the Earth was still flat and there was no Internet. Quite frankly, anything that happens before the Internet only matters so much to me. This is a glowing example of why.

These women are using scripture and science to pacify the cheating man. Clearly, somebody’s daddy didn’t hug them enough. Nor did anybody’s mama say, “You know, you can do better than him.”

It’s a cop out plain and simple. I also find it strangely ironic that these women are using religion to justify their sexual activity. Sexual activity they shouldn’t be having because as I recall, Christianity forbids premarital humping, no?

Same for masturbation, oral sex, anal sex, or any of those fancy sexual positions the heathens keep raving about. Don’t let me catch one of these girls in the club singing Shawnna.

Regardless of whether or not it’s Biblical to be a bullshitting cheater, why haven’t any of these yaki-down girls chirp, “Hey, what about that AIDS?” Solomon seemingly didn’t have it back then (I’m assuming), but let him live in 2010 with all of those wives and I bet his herpes bumps would be as big as Natalie Nunn’s chin. And I guarantee t his T-cell count would be lower than a Bravo housewife’s credit score.

For all of you out there that pray, can you drop one down to these girls? They need it. So much that I’ll be sending God a BBM after I finish this post.

Speaking of people who need help, can we please turn off the mics of these Tiger Woods girls? I don’t care anymore, hookers. I didn’t really care that much the first time all 92 of you jumped onto the scene to spread the news of you spreading your legs to a married man. The next one that opens their mouths needs a quick swing from Elin. I bet that would shut them up.

Or maybe not as evidenced by the interview John Edwards’ sidepiece gave GQ. The mistress who doesn’t like to be called what she is had the nerve to constantly bring up the word “divine” in an article themed around a woman blowing some man who is married to a woman dying from cancer.

Really, really classy. There’s a crab-infested toilet waiting for you in hell, Rielle Hunter.

I can tolerate people bigging up strippers who went from the poles to the streets of Paris, but I cannot take these women who are nothing more cum buckets having the gall to use religion to excuse themselves. If you’re messing with someone who is attached to someone else, you’re wrong. The natural urge excuse can only go so far. I can’t help it if I’m pro peen but I can control how I behave around them (as in being a hoe, not switching back to something I never was). Same for these women.

Get a life, get a check up, and then go find a man of your own.

As for the men who consistently cheat, you better learn or your toilet bowl is going to think your penis is an Usher song.

You don’t have to watch more than a minute of this video to get my overall sentiment: I wish President Obama could slap the taste out of this man’s mouth. Of course, that would not be very presidential of him so I’m glad he’s managed to show restraint.

Still, I really wish Barry would stop entertaining FOX News. I’m not going to make the same argument against the news station. By now if you can’t tell they’re nothing more than a propaganda factory parading themselves as a credible news station there is no hope for you.

A part of me appreciated the president gritting his teeth and making an effort to reach out to people who are obviously biased and in the interest of playing him repeatedly for ratings. However, it’s been more than a year and it’s clear that things are not going to change no matter how hard President Obama tries to be nice and entertain their nonsense.

It’s one thing not to agree with someone, but it’s another to be blatantly disrespectful. Bret Baier’s constant interruptions of the President of the United States shows he feels his privilege trounces the presidency. Since he’s been elected I’ve noticed how disrespectful many men of Baier’s hue have been towards Obama.

That’s something that’s not going to change. Let’s not sugarcoat the obvious: Many still have a problem with this lanky black man holding the highest office in the land. Talk radio, various Web sites, the surge in hate groups online, and ditz’ like this reporter are evidence of it.

It’s a factor that President Obama cannot change. On the other hand, he can limit the amount of clout a given jackass has by turning his mic off when in their presence. Such is the case for FOX News. Seriously, Mr. President, leave them alone.

They don’t win when they humanize you, make you sound like the rational thinker that you are. Rather, they’re for bastardizing your words, making you out to be some uber liberal hell bent on destroying the country, and providing such havens for psychos like Glenn Beck. It’s how they best CNN and MSNBC. They cater to a crowd interested in having their hatred televised.

It’ss in President Obama’s best interest to stop empowering them. He does so each and every time he appears on FOX News. He previously silently declared “war” on FOX then backtracked once other journalists from various news organization’s protested the mouth. In theory I understand their position but in practice I find it a joke.

FOX’s not a news station therefore they shouldn’t be treated as such. When health care reform (or something like it) finally passes in the comings days, do you think they’re going to celebrate with you? No.

Same for any other accomplishment you may have in your first term. As a member of the media, I hate the idea of turning a blind eye. Again, that’s in practice. We live in far more biased times and if that’s the game folks want to play, uh, play to win.

P.S. You should have yelled gun and had secret service spook the man just a little bit. I would’ve forgiven you.

I may still enter him in the next race draft for his animation ambitions, but I’ll admit I might have been wrong to write T-Pain off so quickly when it comes to music.

The minute I turned this song on my slim started shifting side-to-side and I was caught back in the wave of Autotune. I pray Jay and the Illuminati don’t punish me for it.

I know I shouldn’t like this song, but I can’t resist the Troutman trap.

But it’s so corny when you think about it, right?

“Reverse Cowgirl?” Did he really include, “Giddy up, giddy up, giddy up” in the hook? Maybe it’s a tribute to black cowboys? Whatever, as a Texan I get permission to enjoy cowboy references. Anyone from Houston who went to the Houston Livestock Show & Rodeo gets a natural pass, too. The carnival next to the dome has the best turkey legs in the world.

Mmm…turkey legs.

Wait, that’s not the point of this post.

T-Pain is all sorts of ignorance and buffoonery, but dammit if he can’t come up with a catchy song with a nice beat. And really, when in the club that’s all that matters. ‘Tis why he’s rich and why I’m still trying to write my way into that tax bracket.

I might have to turn this song on and put on a show via Skype the next time “John” or “Martha” in Bangladesh call me on behalf of Sallie Mae.

For future reference, these are the sorts of songs you should send me…if we’re talking jigs, anyway. Now while I go finish twirking, I’ll be waiting for the eclipse some of ya’ll are about to throw me in the comments section.

Harpo, who this woman?

Judging from the way she pronounced “YouTube” it was easy to peg her as a resident of (Baltimore) Baldamo, Murrland. Or as she and other choice locals like to call it, Bodymore, Murderland. With a nickname like that it’s no wonder the town also branded as Charm City is such a tourist haven.

Let me quit clowning before I get a bunch of hollow points left in my comment section. Some of my favorite people on Earth are from Baltimore. This girl, however, isn’t one of them.

To be fair, she’s not a bad rapper at all. She has some issues with breath control but given the size of her stomach I can understand why. That’s either a baby in her belly or a 20 piece nugget at McDonalds.

If it’s the latter, I can’t blame her: A deal is a deal. Had a friend not told me one late night on a post-club excursion to Mickey D’s, “Michael do you really want to eat that?” I might have fallen victim myself. Still, let’s not make reference to calories in our rhymes. Less is more. Figuratively and literally, baby.

Nevertheless rapper Keys’ eating habits or baby making plans aren’t the problem, her pushing beef for publicity is.

Although I’m fallen under Nicki Minaj’s spell I can see why some people still don’t like her. The Barbie thing is a stretch for someone to push at her age, but evidently it’s working. Working so well Keys took the time to film a video in front of the projects to diss the hell out of her.

Maybe it’s because I’ve already contemplated legally changing my name to Mickey Minaj for at least six months for the hell of it, but I don’t think this girl’s diss is all that impressive.

Yes, she can spit but she’s essentially calling Nicki Minaj childish and saying she’s too old for toys yet she’s ranting about busting guns and robbing folks.

Really? Are we still on that kick? If someone is more about busting guns and robbing folks, how about they go ahead and do that instead of rhyming about it? That way said folks can go ahead and get locked up or be shot down and we can all be put out of our respective miseries.

If that sounds too harsh it’s in response to a girl rapping about murdering someone she doesn’t even know all in the name of getting a bunch of people who won’t actually go out and buy her stuff to co-sign on YouTube.

Yet she says she’s not about the fame. If you’re that real be real about your intentions.

One thing I like about Nicki Minaj is that even if she’s too playful for some, I’d rather entertain that than some potentially pregnant chick standing outside the projects talking about glocks and rocks and how she’s “real lyrical.” Curse the teachers who left this child behind.

I’m so over this hooder than thou bullshit.

So what if you played with guns. So what if you toted rocks. So what if claim the hood got you. In the end you’re just some random chick responding to a purported rap blow up doll that’s never going to give you the time of the day.

Now, now…roger that.

P.S. I wub you, B-More folk. I know one person doesn’t represent the whole city. If it did, you all would think my city was full of Mikes Jones’ and Slim Thugs. Gimme some crab (no infection) and let’s hug it out.

I’m trying to type this without sounding like I’m filled with tang, but dammit, why don’t some of you like this video? What’s wrong with you? What is there not to like about this video?

It’s weird? It’s Lady GaGa. Stop it. It’s too long. It’s a mini-movie, enjoy the production value you attention deficit disorder suffering doof. OK, that was a little mean, but well…ten minutes isn’t going to kill you.

I also stumbled along up this opinion via MTV News:

However, Jess Wachtel had a more cynical view of the nearly ten-minute long video. “Looks like Beyoncé and her put together a video to sell some records,” he said.

Oh my God. A pop star is trying to sell records. The world is changing so drastically. I don’t feel like I belong anymore.

Then there’s the part about it not making any sense. Well, GaGa tried to explain herself:

Such points won’t go to those who hate the product placements in the video. Normally I’d chime in and co-sign those sentiments, but the music industry is suffering so unless you want GaGa’s next video to be shot with a Flip cam watch her eat that Wonder Bread and enjoy her stunting on you heauxs in her Chanel shades.

As for the Beyonce can’t act comments:

Do that move for me this instant.

I don’t get the opinion that Lady GaGa deserves a Golden Globe yet Beyonce should never open her mouth unless she’s singing again. What I took from the video was that it was campy, over-the-top and very B-movie so in terms of acting I’m not surprised either one of them were performing the way they did. Silly me, I thought that was the point.

Anything else to me reads as nitpicking. That and I realize that when it comes to Beyonce people like repeating the the same talking point just for the sake of repeating it. Although I think outside of Cadillac Records she’s yet to really be challenged as an actress, I know that the perception about Honey B’s acting ability is so strong that even if she were to go on and wow most audiences in some role there will be people who still swear she’s Fantasia’s understudy. It’s evident by some people still claiming Beyonce can’t sing.

Hit yourself again if you think that.

But let me stop now because I tend to think people that don’t like Beyonce at all are lame. There, I said it.

As for GaGa, if this video doesn’t make you go Goo Goo for her there’s no hope.

I get that everything isn’t for anyone, but as a person who grew up at a time when music videos really mattered I appreciate GaGa for keeping the spirit of the music video alive. I loved the small homages to Michael Jackson and Madonna because honestly no artist since GaGa has really created videos anywhere close to their respective levels.

Beyonce’s certainly capable of such and I hope GaGa has inspired her to place a greater emphasis in the production values of her videos in the future. I respect the less is more approach, but a star of Beyonce’s caliber can afford (figuratively and literally) to think bigger.

I love this video. I love the visuals, I love the choreography, I love the way the product placements were done (they were tasteful, considering…), and I love the fact that two stars of their levels can come together not once but twice and there be no issue.

Just imagine what it would have been like had Janet and Madonna done a video together. Or even if Michael Jackson would’ve originally kept Madonna on for “In The Closet.” As much trash as people throw my generation’s way, I’m glad two of its largest stars can at least say their egos didn’t prevent them from making art.

Blah, I sound like I just left the set of one of the shows on the TGIF block so I’ll quit while I’m ahead.

Basically, this video is everything and if you don’t like go watch it until you do.

Thanks,

Management.

This is me jiggin’ to the sounds of passionate black power chants of the 1960s on audio. Well, no, not really but let certain folks tell it this is what we do late at night whenever we gather around. I’m pretty sure Clifford H. Bell Jr. thinks this judging from the email he sent me this morning.

It read:

Play your race card you idiot!!! Spewing your (black) venom is what keeps you black people down, when are you black people going to understand that??

Whew, I feel the rage and it’s troubling my soul. Or something. When I saw this I instantly thought, “Hmm, that AOL piece I did must be up.”

Actually, it went up yesterday and I’m surprised that I only got one hateful email versus a dozen the way I do any other time I write about issues that deal with race. I always find it interesting when people get riled up about the things I say when I often have to state them in the mildest of terms. For professional sites, that is. Sometimes I have free reign to just be, but more times than not editors like the PG-13 version of me. Or G. I get it, but you know.

People get very very offended very very easily. Please read that sentence in your best Elmer Fudd voice if you can.

Anyhow, in this piece’s particular case I target black people than white. I didn’t say anything about white people per se, but I suppose when you reference systematic factors that have paved the way for the problems minorities face today some will feel a certain type of way no matter how you word it.

The topic may be a bit stale to some now, but it’s not to those currently suffering and those who sure would love to capitalize off of it.

So, if you have a moment, check me out over on AOL News by clicking here.

Then join me in singing this:

You know what? Would I be wrong if I emailed this video back to him along with the message, “Thank you, Sandra Bullock. I’m most grateful for you helping me see the error of my ways?” He sounds angry and in need of a morning jig.

I swear you would’ve thought I wrote in the article that black people need to free themselves from the man and start throwing buckets of fried chicken at them on site.

Oh, post racial America. How I love thee.

Again: Click here to read it.

When I initially heard about Freaknik: The Musical, my level of excitement rivaled my appetite for a toe nail and tuna sandwich.

So many questions lingered in my head. Why would anyone give T-Pain a cartoon? Why would you theme a cartoon on Freaknik? At 24 how would T-Pain remember Freaknik anyway?

I don’t know why I went against my better judgment and watched this. It literally took only two minutes of viewing to ask the most important question of them all: Why hasn’t anyone handed Jay-Z a glock so he could really kill auto-tune?

I never chimed in on the T-Pain hatred before, but I’m starting to understand the sentiment.

It’s like they took every stereotype and cliche and meshed it with Nickelodeon style animation to make the most offensive cartoon they could create.

Actually, that was exactly what they did and as T-Pain explained to the New York Times, it’s what they were going for:

“There was so much negativity around the idea of Freaknik that we felt like we should push the envelope and make it even more negative.”

Mission accomplished.

There’s the usual band of suspects: Bitches, hoes, niggas, corny white people, references to one mystical all-controlling white man, along with the bougie black brigade who won’t let anyone have any non-uplifting fun.

I imagine this show would like to guise itself as some sort of satirical piece of work, but such an opinion holds about as much weight as an anorexic’s dinner plate.

In perpetuating a bunch of stereotypes T-Pain canceled out the one about all fat people being funny in the process. Even if this show was foolish and marred in stereotypes it still could’ve made you laugh even if it were uncomfortable. T-Pain just doesn’t make me laugh, though.

But wait, I have a compliment: I’m impressed T-Pain was able to put together an animated musical with such a wide array of rappers, singers, and comedians.

Now to make that compliment backhanded: Rounding up a bunch of people to do some stupid shit isn’t all that surprising — especially if it involves a rapper.

Speaking of stupid shit and rappers, I hope God has a sense of humor because if not Lil’ Wayne’s asshole will feel the wrath of an Old Testament-like rod in jail for his portrayal of “Trap Jesus.”

Now that it’s understood that I’m giving this video one finger up, I’d like to discuss this talk of people using this cartoon as proof that Freaknik needs to return to Atlanta.

As Atlanta native, La, explained to me, there are some folks who argue that T-Pain’s creation is proof that the legacy of Freaknik must live in. That the event is good for the local economy, important for city and HBCU morale and is a celebration that deserves its return.

The nice guy in me wants to nod my head and like this and smile.

Unfortunately, the realist in me has outweighed my good heart, and thus I have to ask what kind of degenerate, herpes-infested fool actually believes any of that? Well, the idea of it boosting the local economy sounds about right. The idea of it boosting HBCU morale not so much.

Granted, being only a year older than T-Pain I can’t pretend that I’ve experienced Freaknik. But, like him I’ve seen videos and heard plenty of stories. You know as cool as some of those stories sound (that is, if you’re into the smell of tuna, BBQ, and used condoms), I have an even better story to share:

Nearly one in every two African American women ages 14 to 49 has genital herpes, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said Tuesday. Overall, two out of every five blacks in that age group carry the virus, and one out of every six Americans, the agency announced at an STD Prevention Conference in Atlanta.  The proportions have not changed since the agency’s last estimate for the period 1999 to 2004. About 80% of those who carry the virus do not know they are infected. Women appear to be particularly susceptible to infection, with 21% of women infected, compared with 11.5% of men.

Nothing screams good times like a permanent bump.

So for all of you trying to make this ratchet cartoon into some sort of movement for the return of Freaknik to Atlanta, think long and hard about that bedtime story I just shared with you. Then look down and scratch.

In the meantime, while you start Googling symptoms you all can check out the cartoon and share your thoughts:

Not all fuckery is created equal, though I liked the Mariah reference.

Now c’mon nah, I know ya’ll have something to say.

I don’t think Mo’Nique ever had a problem with being honored by the Academy. It seemed to be more of an issue of whether or not she would bend over backwards to be honored for something she felt should be solely based on merit. She chose not to and based on her comments in recent and not so recent interviews, she’s admittedly about the bottom line. To some people you have to give a little to get more in the long run. To others they want all that you can give them from the jump.

As I contemplate driving up the block, turning on “Toss It Up,” and pop-pop-pop that thang for student loan cash, I can’t be mad at those who select the latter in hindsight.

She made her intentions clear and in the end she won anyway. Good for her. I’ve noticed some people argue against her politics comment during her acceptance speech and have sought to flip her words into something that more so mirrors their intentions. I think what she meant was some people – white film critics – called for her to be put in her place.

Most notably Jeffrey Wells of Hollywood Elsewhere, who previously wrote, ”Deny her a nomination and teach her a lesson.”

Call it racist. Call it classist. Call it neither. Call it whatever you want, but know that’s exactly the sort of “politics” Mo’Nique was talking about.

This is evident by her breaking protocol last night inside of the Oscar press room by choosing to speak with people who she said had her back from the very beginning. I don’t fall into the theory that her “non-campaign” was her method of campaigning. I believe there was so much spin on it because the establishment was baffled that she openly boasted about not caving into what they wanted from her. Everyone else but her made it an issue.

I didn’t really think it was necessary to demand $100,000 for an appearance but as of March 08, 2010 Mo’Nique’s money runs marathons around mine…and most of the people who talked about her.

So bravo to her and I’m happy that she won.

One thing I’m not happy about, though, is a sentiment I read on Twitter yesterday. I’m paraphrasing but in short, someone spoke ill of Mo’Nique’s kind words towards Hattie McDaniel by jesting that she’s thanking a woman who played a maid so she could play an abusive mother.

To that I say: Shut your silly, bougie, ridiculous ass the hell up.

Moreover, see Hattie McDaniel’s own words to the NAACP in response to their criticism at the time: “I would rather make 700 dollars a week playing a maid than seven dollars being one.”

Hattie McDaniel did the best she could with what she was given. I don’t think it’s right to disparage her for it.

That said, I do get why some people feel the way they do about Mo’Nique and Sandra Bullock winning.

I wrote about The Blind Side previously based on the trailer and now that I’ve actually seen the film my feelings are not all that different.

But, I’m personally not mad at Sandra Bullock winning. I like her. Does that take the sting away from the film? No, however, the movie does pull from a true story. Did the screenwriter and director perhaps take away some of the nuance from the book? It seems that way, but I’d have to read it to know. I can only speak on what I’ve seen or read. Imagine that.

Had Avatar won Best Picture, while I would’ve potentially gritted my teeth, I’d understand why the movie would have won. It’s a technological feat and as the highest grossing movie of all-time (thanks, inflation) it’s a cultural movement that cannot be denied — no matter how anyone feels about its script.

Yes, it’s very much Dances With Blue People. Or Smurfs Save The Day. Pocahontas With Freestyle Braids, for sure. And there’s definitely quite a few underlying racial overtones that made me want to call one of my homegirls to whoop Sigourney Weaver’s Blue Bo Derek looking ass in the film out of spite.

Yet sigh, the movie made a lot of money and people like pretty stuff with happy endings. It wouldn’t have been shocking if it won.

It’s an unfortunate reality that despite all the time that has passed white audiences still like to honor us for the best portrayal of our worst, but it’s even more unfortunate to me that some people can’t ever see a silver lining.

Last night the first female director won an Academy Award for Best Director and Best Picture over a monstrous film with a huge name attached to it. And although he didn’t win last night, Lee Daniels is the second black film director to be nominated for Best Director. Chances are he’ll likely be back in contention for that award for the upcoming film, Selma. As will Mo’Nique if her plans to develop a biopic on Hattie McDaniel come to fruition.

As a writer, I take great comfort in Geoffrey Fletcher becoming the first black screenwriter to be honored by the Academy. Also feel inspired by Mark Boal’s win as he’s a freelance journalist and the script for The Hurt Locker was his first. My dream is to one day follow in their footsteps.

Some of these movies employed themes and imagery that could stand to take a beat seat for a couple of decades, but Fresh reminded me this morning that I’ve seen far worse:

Gabby Sidibe didn’t back hand a hoe last night while on stage. Be grateful.

If I sound a bit hypocritical, I can’t help it. I do get some of the criticism and I’m guilty of leveling some of it myself; but, last night I didn’t want to completely dwell on any of it.

No, everything is not perfect for minorities and women, but little by little progress has been made. I’d rather focus on that than on something I won’t be able to change. Not today anyway.

I only interpret Soulja Boy’s music in two extremes. Sometimes I’ll say listening to Soulja Boy is like being slapped in the head with a watermelon. And then there are times where I’ll think to myself, “Well, who doesn’t love watermelon margaritas?”

He may talk like a Hooked on Phonics failure, but if the beat goes and the alcohol flows chances are I might be indulge him in his web of foolery. I’d be lying if I denied supermanning you heauxs the very second after I found the instructional video a few years back. In fact, if I could actually remember how the dance went I’d still probably be down to do it if there’s a Flip Cam in my presence.

And then there’s “She Gotta Donk,” which I won’t dance to in public but will appreciate all those around me that choose to.

But this - this shit right here – has left some seeds in my teeth.

The main reason is the obvious: Soulja Boy raps about as good as corn chip flavored feet taste.

Granted, he’s always been the male equivalent of Trina but he’s always been clever enough to guise that with a catchy beat. The beat for this song is not bad at all, but it unfortunately doesn’t do a good enough job of distracting us from Soulja Boy and his awful lyrical content.

Let’s start with:

This right here is my swag/The girls are on me…damn/Everybody pay attention/This right here is my pretty boy swag

And then there are gems like:

I’m pretty boy swagging in the club feeling sexy…no homo.

A guy dancing around a bunch of self-professed “pretty boys” suddenly feels compelled to declare his heterosexuality after saying he feels sexy in the club? Isn’t that kind of like telling folks about your pretty boy swag? If one is OK why not the other?

Heavens to murgatroyd. I’m trying to make sense of Soulja Boy lyrics. Nevermind. To that line I say:

I demand that everyone reading this makes that same face this instant. Don’t let your judgmental co-worker sway you from doing so either.

As for the video itself, I would get on it looks like a high school project, but it’s a recession so I completely understand.

I will point out one last thing, though: This video reminds me of why I sometimes shift my lids to the side when I think about some Atlanta rappers.

In Atlanta you can have ridiculously creative acts like Outkast and Goodie Mob who combine sounds and imagery uniquely their own or you can have people like Soulja Boy who is obviously ripping off another region’s sound.

When D4L and Dem Franchize Boys took off I was instantly annoyed (but I still danced, I’m not crazy) because I knew they were ripping a Dallas sound that had been around years prior and got all the credit for it.

And Yung Joc’s debut album sounded like it was recorded down the street from Frenchy’s Chicken. Houston natives will catch that reference.

In sum, Soulja Boy needs to give Silkk The Shocker his flow back and let Dallas handle the sound if he’s unable to. This dude could’ve at least given me a new stupid dance to love for five minutes. Damn, homie, are you getting lazier on us?

Or to put things more eloquently, allow me to quote YouTube user, xXSeasameSkreetXx:

Dhis sonq is sooo MuahFxckin’ Wack. Well de’ beat is tiqht as fuhh doe. Somebodii needs ta make remix wihd it forrea.

Lyk3 r3a!!y.

Rihanna has a history of performing at the same energy level as a sedated Britney Spears. But, to her credit I think she’s trying to do better as evidenced by this performance at the Echo Awards. Has she completely succeeded yet? No, not really, but in this instance I think we should give her an A for effort. If an A is too much, just don’t give her a D for deportation.

Before your eyes shift sideways, let me make my case.

Look at how she opens the performance. She’s actually moving, ya’ll. Like, not just her lips but her actual body. Granted, she’s bending over and busting it open for a Transformer, but I’m sure Jimmy Neutron is somewhere smiling because of it. She gave robot boy hope and potentially a hard on, folks. Does that count for something?

More times than not Rihanna simply stands there, looks pretty, and tries her best to sweep you off your feet with her vocals. This time she’s trying to shake a tail feather and those bad nerves that used to shake her. How ’bout a round of applause?

I didn’t mention it when it dropped, but I love her video for “Rude Boy.” So much that there’s one move I already hope to duplicate in the club soon. I get that most of her videos are going to be nothing more than self-indulgent odes to how sexy and well-styled she is, but at least in videos like “Rude Boy” she can also show off her playful side in addition to all of the ass and tags present.

I mean, I dig the Elvira meets Elkeisha angle she has going to push Rated R — so much that I scooped her album for .99 cents when it was on sale (I bought the one that dropped before that for full retail price, so there). Unfortunately, others chose to use that money for their value menu selection at their fast food restaurant of choice. That’s probably why Def Jam has seen the quick success of this song and has already started writing the narrative that her next album (which will likely drop in three days) will be more upbeat and fun.

And if that truly is the case it’s good that she’s trying to step it up as a performer. I’m sure an employer waving your work visa in front of you will motivate anyone to get on the job training.

Just so we’re clear I’m not saying this performance is the greatest thing ever. It is an improvement, though.

Look at where she used to be:

This sounds like her introduction ceremony into the Illuminati. Her voice is doing the ratchet throughout the entire performance. If nothing else I said was convincing, do we finally have an understanding now?

I don’t think I’ve ever said this on the site, but I do like the idea of Rihanna and I appreciate what she offers musically and aesthetically as it relates to what it means to be a pop star. She’s necessary because she has that sort of polish even some of my favorites don’t have.

I just wish she had the other important element of being a pop star — performance skills. But, she’s trying. I have to keep saying that to myself.

I genuinely hope she starts watching MC Hammer and Madonna clips to boost up her stage act. She looks like she’s actually having fun on stage in this clip. If she could get the audience to join in on the fun more often she’d be a lot better off professionally.

With that said, do you all think I’m caught in the wave of Rihanna or maybe, just maybe the girl really is improving?